Pregnancy: 23w (holy toledo!)

What I love: How much bigger he's getting. :) I can feel a lot of his movements now, even when it comes to spinning in circles (seriously, maybe we have a gymnast on our hands). I also love that we're so close to Matt's cousin's due date, two months to the date -- her husband is THRILLED at the idea of Kit and Baby P getting together and playing!

What I hate: This exhaustion. And my bigger belly, if only because I'm super self-conscious about it.

What I miss: My body, lol.

What I’m looking forward to the most: Putting the finishing touches on the nursery! We finally got all the furniture in, so we're just putting up artwork at this point. A friend of mine is actually making some art out of driftwood -- I can't WAIT to see what she makes!! She's so creative and has such a wonderful, creative eye. <3

Worries: Hm. Not many, really! I've been thinking more and more about labor, so I'm a little worried about that, but I have a great support system in Matt and my doula and my midwives, so I know I can make it through. I just hope Kit cooperates. :)

Symptoms: A bigger belly, pregnancy rhinitis, and soooooo tiiiiiiired. Add bleeding gums to this week, though it's certainly not the first week it's happened!

Mood: Good! I feel balanced again, which is nice. [Same]

Sleep: Still getting worse, but at least I sleep like a rock when I AM out. [Same]

Movement: Yup! Tons, too. I can't believe I was so worried last week, haha.

The belly (and the button!): Belly button still in! Totally weird, though, it’s definitely more shallow! And the belly is bigger! OMG, is it bigger. [Same]

Wedding rings on or off: On!

Weight gain: I’m up about 13-14lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight still. Which is a bit triggering, but I keep trying to remind myself that it's for good reason and my midwives want this gain! Yikes. :|

Milestones: We're not telling anyone until Kit is born (nyah-nyah! ;)), but we have a name! A first name, at least. Due to extenuating circumstances -- namely Jewish tradition and the first name not really sounding great with either option, anyway -- we're not using either of the two middle names we originally had picked out. So we're only really halfway through this battle, lol.

Still, though, we got a huge part of it out of the way! :D

Oh, and don't bother guessing. (1) You never will, and (2) I won't tell you even if you're right. ;)

How your baby's growing:

Turn on the radio and sway to the music. With her sense of movement well developed by now, your baby can feel you dance. And now that she's more than 11 inches long and weighs just over a pound (about as much as a large mango), you may be able to see her squirm underneath your clothes. Blood vessels in her lungs are developing to prepare for breathing, and the sounds that your baby's increasingly keen ears pick up are preparing her for entry into the outside world. Loud noises that become familiar now — such as your dog barking or the roar of the vacuum cleaner — probably won't faze her when she hears them outside the womb.

How your life's changing:

You may notice that your ankles and feet start to swell a bit in the coming weeks or months, especially at the end of the day or during the heat of summer. Sluggish circulation in your legs — coupled with changes in your blood chemistry that may cause some water retention — may result in swelling, also known as edema. Your body will get rid of the extra fluid after you have your baby, which is why you'll pee frequently and sweat a lot for a few days after delivery. In the meantime, lie on your left side or put your feet up when you can, stretch out your legs when you sit, and avoid sitting — or standing — in one place for long periods.

Also, try to exercise regularly to increase circulation, and wear support stockings (put them on first thing in the morning) and roomy, comfortable shoes. You may be tempted to skimp on liquids to combat swelling, but you need to drink plenty of water because staying hydrated actually helps prevent fluid retention. While a certain amount of edema in your lower extremities is normal during pregnancy, excessive swelling may be a sign of a serious condition called preeclampsia. Be sure to call your midwife or doctor if you have severe or sudden swelling of your feet or ankles, more than slight swelling of your hands, swelling in your face, or puffiness around your eyes.

Exercise helps you sleep "When I started having trouble sleeping during my pregnancy, I asked my friends what to do. One suggested I take a half-hour walk during the day. It really helped me sleep better, and it felt great to have a little time for myself." — Linda

This Week's Activity:

Write a letter to your baby. You and your child will treasure this gift for years to come. Go with your heart and follow your inspiration. If you need help getting started:

• Describe your feelings toward your baby and what it's like to know she's growing inside you.


• Imagine a perfect day with your baby and what you'll do together.


• Write down your hopes, dreams, and wishes for your baby.


• Think about what being a mother means to you and your definition of what makes a good mother.

If writing isn't your style, put together a collage or a memory box of pregnancy mementos, says Diane Sanford, a clinical psychologist whose focus is on helping women make the transition to motherhood.

Blessed Yule!! - A Winter Solstice Mash-Up

This time of year always evokes some pretty strong emotions in me, mostly because I have such fond memories of the holiday season from my childhood. Despite not celebrating Christmas in the same sense anymore, there's still this magickal feeling that takes over every year, a feeling that I absolutely want to instill in our own children.

Since we are interfaith, there are many ways in which our little nuclear family can honor this time of year and celebrate that magick. I've come to learn that many of my friends also celebrate the winter holidays in several different ways, too, so I invited everyone to share their holiday traditions! From secular Christmas to religious Chanukah, from Florida "winters" to inspiring Solstices, and everything in between, y'all sure did deliver!

So this year is going to be a mash-up of all of them, celebrating not only our personal take on the holidays, but including yours as well! Thank you all for participating, and in typical Coexist Cafe fashion: HAPPY EVERYTHING! :)



What IS Yule, Anyway?

I get this question every year without fail. In fact, it surprises a lot of people (my awesome attorney-boss included, haha) that Pagans get a holiday to themselves to celebrate every winter, too! This is more ironic than anything considering that most of our current holiday traditions have Pagan beginnings, but when this time of year is so focused on Christmas, strangely enough, Yule gets lost in the shuffle!

Yule is a modern English word used to describe an old twelve-day religious festival observed by Northern Europeans. For simplicity's sake, even if the festival went by a different name for a certain group, I'll be using "Yule". :) The festival was later absorbed into and equated with the Christian festival of Christmas, taking many traditions and adapting their own practices. Santa Claus, the myth of Jesus Christ, and the trappings of the season (trees, stockings, caroling, everything!) are all derivatives of old Yuletide traditions.

The solstice celebration likely originated with the Norse people, who viewed Yule as a time for merrymaking, feasting, and sacrifice (if the Icelandic sagas are to be believed... and I wouldn't put it past them). Traditional customs included the Yule log, a decorated tree, and wassailing.

[caption id="" align="alignright" width="250"] Thanks to culinarychef.com![/caption]

The Celts of the British Isles celebrated Yule as well, called midwinter to them. Not much is known about their traditions as they've been lost through the ages, but those that are known still persist today. Though while they still collect mistletoe, I'm pretty sure they don't sacrifice a white bull like Pliny the Elder said Druid priests did back then!

Then there are the Romans, who had their own winter festival, Saturnalia. Full of general merrymaking, a lot of gambling, even more alcohol, and other debauchery, the week-long party was held in honor of the god Saturn -- in fact, the common greeting around that time was "Io, Saturnalia!" There was sacrifices, gift-giving, special privileges for slaves (we ARE talking Roman times), and feasting. On top of all the debauchery, and probably more importantly, the festival was to honor an agricultural god in the hopes for a fertile and abundant crop in the spring.

[caption id="" align="alignleft" width="169"] Thanks to serenedominic.com![/caption]

Oh, and as mentioned above, Jesus Christ wasn't the first Son of God... or Sun God, more accurately. Four thousand years ago, long before Christianity started popping up, ancient Egyptians celebrated the rebirth of Horus, the god of the Sun. This became wildly popular with other civilizations, which took to honoring the welcoming back of the Sun, especially as these civilizations started to realize that things went swimmingly with their crops and abundance... until the weather got cooler. Each year, the cycle of birth, death, and rebirth played over and over, and they saw that the Sun did return after a period of cold and darkness. Good reason to celebrate, if you ask me!

As their religious base grew, Christians took full advantage of many of these traditions and used them to their advantage, adopting them and applying them to their own religion in an attempt (one that proved pretty effective!) to convert the Pagans. Within a few centuries, Christians had everyone worshiping a new holiday celebrated on 25 December! Not too shabby, if you ask me... though it might behoove them to remember from where all their traditions came. ;)

In some current Neopagan traditions, the Yule celebration stems from the Celtic legend of the battle between the young Oak King and the Holly King. The Oak King, representative of the light of the new year, tries every year to usurp the old Holly King, the symbol of darkness. As we can see, the Oak King indeed kicks the Holly King's ass every year, and the light does indeed return. This ass-whoopin' reenactment is popular among some Wiccan and Pagan rituals.

[caption id="" align="aligncenter" width="500"] Thanks to ArwensGrace at deviantart.com![/caption]

The sun returns! The light returns!
The earth begins to warm once more!
The time of darkness has passed,
and a path of light begins the new day.
Welcome, welcome, the heat of the sun,
blessing us all with its rays.

Post Round-Up

Here's a round-up of posts from TCC's previous years, as they're definitely interesting (at least I think so):

• The Science of the Solstice
  Ever wonder why, even as the Sun makes his return, the cold weather still lingers and even gets stronger? Find out here!


• Winter Solstice Lunar Eclipse
  MOAR SCIENCE! This one is from 2010.


• Pagan Songs for Yule
  My favorite collection of songs for the Winter Solstice!


• Blessed Yule and Winter Solstice
  A brief history of Yule before Christmas came about, to supplement what you just learned above.

I also really enjoyed these posts from other Pagans this year, and thought you would, too!

• Kallan at The Secret Life of the American Working Witch - The Sunday Stew: Solstice Edition


• Ellen Dugan's Blog of Witchery - Embrace the Light: A Yuletide Spell


• Sam at Bones, Buried Treasures and Beliefs - The Anthropology of Santa Claus


• The Pooka Pages (for kids and kids at heart!) - Yule 2012 Edition


• The Huffington Post - Winter Solstice: A Paean to the Pregnant Darkness


• Willow Firesong's Circle of Firelight - Yule and Solstice Carols (YAY!!)

Facebook Friends Chime In!

Last week, I posed the question of how you celebrate the winter holidays on Facebook, and I received some great responses! (I also asked on my personal page, and received some responses there as well.) Below are some of your insights, and some fun pictures to go along with some of them.

See, I love this. It gives you time to spend with your family without the stress that typically accompanies it.

Hahaha! One of my favorite things growing up was getting that themed Christmas ornament to hang on the tree each year. Mine were actually Barbie ones (I'm not entirely sure why, either!), and I'm pretty sure my mom still has and hangs it most years!

My dad had the Star Trek ones. :) In fact, my sister and I preferred them off the tree as toys than we did ON the tree...

SHE'S NOT EVEN KIDDING!! :D



If anyone ever wonders why I miss Florida, this is exactly why. ;)

Mmm, challah and Lughnasadh! Now THAT'S a tradition I could sink my teeth into! :cymbalcrash:

I also like the idea of creating your own butter. Might have to try that... with a little dance party, of course. :)

I love getting an atheist's perspective on this! I'm of the belief that atheist children end up knowing more about a wider array of religions than many of those religions' adherents, and this is exactly why. Checking out books? Reading and discussion? Delving into the actual history of the holidays? Love love LOVE it! It's the same thing as I'd want to instill in our children, even if they aren't raised atheists. :)

OH, and she had some amazing photos to share! Remember the reference to the Trek Tree? You can thank Sarah for that one:

[caption id="attachment_1553" align="aligncenter" width="500"] Trekkie Tree![/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1554" align="aligncenter" width="292"] Santa "Claws", hahahahaha![/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1555" align="aligncenter" width="302"] Sarah's adorable daughter sampling some goodies.[/caption]

And Tori shares her story below about extending winter celebrations from Yule to the day after Christmas! These are just some additional things they do to make the week even more special.

Thanks to everyone who chimed in and shared their holiday traditions with us! :)



A Week of Christmas (a special post by Tori Zigler)

I've been asked on a number of occasions what Matt and I are planning to do with the holidays, considering I'm Pagan, Matt and his family are Jewish, and my family is Catholic. The easiest response, of course, is to say, "We're going to celebrate all of them!"

... easier said than done, am I right?

We're still lost for ideas, especially since we want to start new traditions with our children and would like to celebrate all three in a way that both separates the significance of each and melds them so they make sense together. So I asked you, my faithful readers, over on my Facebook page to send me your holiday traditions, no matter what you celebrate! As you can tell above, y'all definitely delivered. :)

I did get a special word by email from a good friend of mine, Tori Zigler, a prolific children's writer who herself is part of an interfaith family -- she and her husband identify as Pagan, but their families do not, so they've had to create their own traditions! See how they make the winter celebrations last not only on Yule and Christmas, but all season long...

It’s always seemed like a real shame to me that, after all the preparations and expense, within 24 hours Christmas is over and all that’s left is the mess. Wouldn’t it be nice if Christmas lasted longer?

Yes, we thought so too! So, because of that wish, and the fact we’re Pagan and the rest of the family aren’t – meaning that we wanted to celebrate the Winter Solstice, but they didn’t - we decided to make it happen. Besides, the Roman celebration of Saturnalia lasted for eight days, so we saw no reason our celebration couldn’t last for several days too!

So, here’s what we do:

Instead of one or two expensive gifts, we buy 1 expensive gift and 4 cheaper ones each. The cheaper ones are exchanged on the 21st, 22nd, 23rd and 24th of December, and the expensive one on the 25th. The expensive one gets a slightly different label to the others so we know to not grab that one from under the tree until the 25th, but the 4 cheaper gifts are grabbed at random from under the tree. We started doing this both to spread out the gift giving and because it gives us time to enjoy and appreciate each gift before moving on to the next one. Also, ‘Santa’ usually visits on the 24th, filling our stockings with treats, and placing a small gift for us under the tree from him.

On the 21st of December we usually do some kind of a ritual, even if it’s a very small one. Last year, for example, I did a ritual to chase off unwanted houseguests, which seemed appropriate since we’d pretty much only just moved in here.

The days from the 21st through the 25th of December are then filled with any holiday activities we want to do. Always involving holiday baking, the watching of holiday movies, and the reading of holiday books, but usually also involving the making of some sort of handmade holiday decoration. Last year, for example, we made some decorated baubles for the tree, and also some penguin tree ornaments (there were four, but we gave three away). Other holiday activities may be included; pretty much anything you can think of really... Holiday parties with family and friends, holiday games, more baking (especially good if family is visiting for a party or to join in your feast), build a snowman (if there’s snow), or whatever. The key thing is to be doing things together, preferably things with a holiday feel to them, though that’s not essential.

On the 26th of December is when we have our holiday feast. It used to be that the 26th was when we had a buffet with the family, but now that we live away from the family we’ve changed things a little. What we do now is phone them on the 25th to wish them “Merry Christmas” and exchange news on who got what from who, and so on, then we have our Christmas dinner on the 26th instead. The reason for this is a combination of not wanting to try and cook a full roast between phone calls, and the fact it then leaves us free to enjoy the phone calls and exchanging of final gifts without having to worry about burning the potatoes. Besides, we technically have two roast dinners to make, since I’m a vegetarian and my hubby isn’t, so we make a vegetarian roast and a meat roast. Last year, for example, I had a cranberry nut roast to go with my potatoes and veg, hubby had ham. Making two different roasts in our little kitchen is hard work, but it’s worth it.

Also, the good thing with making those roasts just for us is that there’s enough left over for the next day, so on December 27th, all we have to do is enjoy leftovers and relax; an option we took with leftover buffet food in the past too. We don't really count that as part of our holiday celebrations though, because it's basically a day to rest from all that celebrating. I suppose you could count it though.

And that, my friends, is how to make your holiday celebrations last a week!

Tori is an eclectic Pagan, a poet, and a writer of children's books. Her series include "Magical Chapters" and "Toby's Tales". Tori can also be found on Facebook! She currently lives in England's southeast with her husband, Kelly, and her Westhighland terrier, Keroberous ("Kero").



Fox Family Traditions: One Year At a Time

Matt and I are still trying to find our footing in this holiday, especially considering how many we have to work around this time of year.

One thing we've been doing for the past few years is getting stockings prepared for opening at Yule, and a pair of PJ pants to keep us warm as the weather continues to cool off. I've put together the stockings each of these years, basically forcing us to do something for Yule (as we have or have had traditions for Christmas and Chanukah, but nothing for the Solstice). This time around, though, we're making them for each other! I'm really excited about that, as it'll add an element of surprise to this Yule celebration.

I'm so happy Matt is getting into this tradition, too, and between that, Chanukah candle lighting, and our Jewish-Pagan Christmas (Chinese and a movie, yo!), we're hoping that we can make the winter holiday season just as amazing for our kids as it has been for us.

We're taking it one year at a time. The nice thing about having our own little family is starting these new traditions, and finding out what works, what doesn't, and what we can't live without.

Again, I want to thank everyone for sharing their holiday celebrations! It makes me look that much more forward to giving Kit everything he deserves when it comes to making the Solstice magickal. :)

Pregnancy: 22w

I keep getting told that I'm "so tiny!" I get "cute" or some variant thereof pretty often, too, but "tiny" is by far the most prevalent. But I guess I am kinda compact, as someone said:

What I love: Hmm... lots of things, so it's hard to pinpoint one. I started feeling true hiccups this week, which is exciting!

What I hate: Not much lately! Maybe the exhaustion that seems to have kicked in for Round 2.

What I miss: My body, already. And a glass of wine or something! [Same]

What I’m looking forward to the most: Finishing the nursery and getting the goddamn holidays over with!!

Worries: I haven't been feeling as much movement as before, so I'm a bit worried. I don't expect it to really start kicking in (HA) until the third trimester anyway, but of course, I worry about damn near everything. Right now, it's fetal death.

Scumbag brain.

Symptoms: A bigger belly, pregnancy rhinitis, nosebleeds, and soooooo tiiiiiiired.

Mood: Good! I feel balanced again, which is nice. [Same]

Sleep: Still getting worse, but at least I sleep like a rock when I AM out.

Movement: Yes, but not as much as before. See "Worries".

The belly (and the button!): Belly button still in! Totally weird, though, it’s definitely more shallow! And the belly is bigger! OMG, is it bigger. [Same]

Wedding rings on or off: On!

Weight gain: I’m up about 11lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight still.

Milestones: IDK, need moar coffee.

Oh, and Kit kicked me in the asshole yesterday. Twice. ;)

How your baby's growing:

At 11 inches (the length of a spaghetti squash) and almost 1 pound, your baby is starting to look like a miniature newborn. His lips, eyelids, and eyebrows are becoming more distinct, and he's even developing tiny tooth buds beneath his gums. His eyes have formed, but his irises (the colored part of the eye) still lack pigment.

If you could see inside your womb, you'd be able to spot the fine hair (lanugo) that covers his body and the deep wrinkles on his skin, which he'll sport until he adds a padding of fat to fill them in. Inside his belly, his pancreas — essential for the production of some important hormones — is developing steadily.

How your life's changing:

At this point, you may find your belly becoming a hand magnet. It's perfectly okay to tell folks who touch your tummy that you'd rather they didn't. And if people are telling you that you look smaller or bigger than you should at this point, remember that each woman grows — and shows — at her own rate.

What's important is that you see your practitioner for regular visits so she can make sure your baby's growth is on track. You may start to notice stretch marks on your abdomen as it expands to accommodate your growing baby.

At least half of all pregnant women will develop stretch marks by the time they give birth. These small streaks of differently textured skin can range from pink to dark brown (depending on your skin color). Although they most commonly appear on your tummy, stretch marks may also show up on your buttocks, thighs, hips, and breasts. There's no proof that lotion helps prevent stretch marks, but keeping your skin moisturized may help with any itching.

Write it down "I kept a journal for my son while I was pregnant, and I brought it to the hospital with me so I could write in it as soon as I was up to it. It really helped to share all the feelings I was having." — Anonymous

Surprising Facts: Body changes beyond your belly

You expected your belly to grow — and perhaps your breasts, too — but the following physical changes may take you by surprise. As with many pregnancy changes, hormones play a role in most of these alterations in your looks.

• Thicker, more lustrous hair You're not actually growing more hair, just losing less than normal. During pregnancy, your body sheds hair much more slowly than it did before. What to do: If thicker hair is a boon for you, enjoy it. If it's making your mane more unruly than ever, ask your stylist to do some thinning at your next cut. These changes won't last forever. After your baby's born, you'll start to lose this excess hair, sometimes in clumps.


• Increased body hair Sex hormones known as androgens can cause new hair to sprout on your chin, upper lip, jaw, and cheeks. Stray hairs can also pop up on your belly, arms, legs, and back. What to do: Tweezing, waxing, and shaving are all safe ways to manage these temporary changes.


• Faster-growing fingernails Your fingernails may grow more quickly than usual, and you may notice changes in texture. Some women's nails get harder, while others' get softer or more brittle. What to do: Protect your nails by wearing rubber gloves when you're cleaning, and using moisturizer on them if they're brittle.


• Skin changes Some pregnant women report that their skin has never looked better. If that's you, enjoy the proverbial "glow." Others find the hormones of pregnancy aggravate skin conditions such as acne. What to do: Wash twice a day with a gentle soap or cleanser, and make sure that any moisturizer or makeup you use is oil-free.


• Stretch marks As your belly expands to accommodate your growing baby, you may get tiny tears in the supportive tissue that lies just beneath your skin, resulting in striations of varying color. These marks will begin to fade and become considerably less noticeable about six to 12 months after you give birth. There's not much you can do besides trying not to gain more than the recommended amount of weight. Heredity is responsible for the natural elasticity of your skin and plays a role in determining who will end up with stretch marks.


• Skin discolorations Increased melanin can cause splotchy patches of darkened skin on your face. These pigment changes may become intensified if you spend time in the sun. What to do: Protect your face by using a sunblock that offers both UVA and UVB protection with an SPF of 30 or higher, wearing a hat with a brim, and avoiding the sun during peak hours of the day (10 a.m. to 2 p.m.).


• Larger and darker nipples and areolas You may find that your nipples and the pigmented area around them (the areolas) are getting bigger and darker. The little bumps on your areolas, known as Montgomery's tubercles, may also be more pronounced. These bumps are oil-producing glands that help fight off bacteria and lubricate the skin. Some women also notice more pronounced veins in their breasts. What to do: Nothing!


• Larger feet Your feet may go up half a shoe size or more. Lax ligaments may make your feet spread a bit — permanently. Swelling can make your shoes feel tight as well, although it will go away after delivery. What to do: Buy comfortable shoes to accommodate your growing feet.

This Week's Activity:

Check out your rings. It's common to have some swelling in your fingers as your pregnancy progresses. If your rings are feeling the least bit snug, do yourself a favor and take them off now before it's too late (or at least keep an eye on them). If you can't bear to be separated from your wedding band or another important ring when you can no longer sport it on your finger, loop it on a chain and wear it close to your heart.

Mass Murders and Mental Illness

I absolutely had to write on this, considering the rumors and the choice words that have been flying about in the wake of the devastation at Sandy Hook on Friday. I also want to point out that this entire idea that the shooter was mentally ill is, as far as we know save for comments from his own brother, entirely speculative, but considering how many people have said that he was mentally ill and that he was evil (as a result either of the illness or his actions), I believe it warrants a discussion.

Shortly after news of the tragedy hit the airwaves, Governor Dannel Malloy stood on the media stage and said that "Evil visited this community today". It's a soundbite that has since been snatched up by local and national media outlets. Yes yes, they proclaimed, evil DID visit the small village of Sandy Hook, and his name was Lanza.

It was so easy, a condemnation that spread incredibly fast, and soon that word was on everyone's lips: "Evil." Judgement was passed, morality was declared, a label was placed. Surely he must have been evil!

Just as quickly, the phrase "mentally ill" made its rounds, often being paired with "evil" to describe Lanza and the heinous act that was committed. It may have been with some warrant, though: His older brother did tell police that Lanza suffered from mental illness of some kind, and while it hasn't been confirmed, it could certainly be the case.

If he was mentally ill, diagnosed or otherwise, calling him "evil" takes away from the honest assessment of the morality of an individual plagued with such a mental illness. Whether that morality was absent entirely, altered due to a mental condition that could not be controlled, or otherwise, to give one a label that essentially takes away any good quality of a mentally ill person who may not have had the capacity to know what was wrong or the inability to control his thoughts due to said mental illness really only serves to vilify the mentally ill even more.

I am by no means justifying what Lanza did. I believe it was a heinous crime that shattered many lives and destroyed a community, even a nation. The effects of what happened at Sandy Hook rippled through everyone in some shape or form, and it makes complete sense for anyone to want to give some sort of explanation to something that may have just been a tragedy, to assign some blame somewhere.

But for all labels, "evil" should not be one of them, especially if he truly was mentally ill.

My main concern with that label is its association with a distinct immorality assigned mainly to monotheistic religions. Who better than to draw this parallel than Albert Mohler, who said that Lanza's "Original Sin" is ultimately to blame, or Mike Huckabee's (rather ignorant) remark that the removal of God from public schools is. After all, "evil" is all around us, especially with godless heathens and those who have been overtaken by Satan, right?

It's bad enough that the mentally ill are stigmatized because of their actions, thoughts, behaviors, or anything else even remotely related to any mental illness, but to further vilify them by calling them evil, to characterize them as the distinct opposite of good?

Allow me to tell you something personal, something I've shared here before but have not discussed in a while, something to which I'm sure many others can relate. I'm one of those people who could be classified as mentally ill, suffering from Obsessive-Compulsive Disorder (OCD, and purely obsessive in my case, in that very few or none of my compulsions are visible outside my thoughts).

While this disorder does not always cause one harm or causes one to harm another, it can sometimes manifest in thinking about hurting one's self or someone else, called aggressive obsessions. I've had them before, I'll admit, and they are scary as hell to go through and even scarier to think that I may be capable of things like that, at least in my own mind.

To imagine a mental illness that goes even deeper than these aggressive obsessions -- things that can actually manifest physically, such as schizophrenia or bipolar disorder -- is absolutely terrifying. Having these experiences with pure-O OCD leads me to believe that they are far beyond our control, and that those who go out to act out on these aggressions, by arson or theft or robbery or even as far as murder, are acting as a result of a brain that is very sick.

And not as a result of being an "evil" person. Perhaps the act itself was even malicious, malevolent, even sickening... but not so simple as "evil", though applying that label sure is easy.

So when I hear people attribute this and other choice words, words that seek to impute moral judgement on another and allow one to feel powerful in their "knowledge" that they "know" that "evil" or "Satan" is what caused an incident like this, to someone who may have been mentally ill, it angers me greatly. In the long term, they distract from the education that many who work in the field and the help that is sorely needed many who live day in and day out with mental illnesses.

Five Days of Yule: Light Up Your Life (and a happy Yule!)

ברוך אתה ה' א‑לוהינו מלך העולם, אשר קדשנו במצותיו וצונו להדליק נר של חנוכה.‏

Transliteration: Barukh atah Adonai Eloheinu melekh ha'olam,
asher qiddeshanu b'mitzvotav v'tzivanu lehadliq ner shel Hanukkah.

Translation: "Blessed are You, LORD, our God, King of the universe, Who has sanctified us
with His commandments and commanded us to kindle the Hanukkah light[s]."

Pregnancy: 21w

What I love: Just about everything! More kicks, more happiness, fewer mood swings, settling back into my job... it's all coming out pretty well.

I also got notification that my Project Life core kit and binders have shipped!! Melissa, I swear, you're starting something dangerous here. ;)

And finally... Matt and I got in a little sexytime. It's been a LONG time since we have, mostly because my sex drive has been in the gutter. But I woke up this morning after a sex dream, and bow-chicka, guess what I did. Or who, rather...

What I hate: Pregnancy pains! [Same] RLP started hardcore recently.

What I miss: My body, already. And a glass of wine or something! [Same] Matt was a meeeean husband last night and bought beer (Coors Light, but still, beer!) with his pregnant wife in attendance. I admit to drooling over wines for a bit...

What I’m looking forward to the most: Finishing the bare bones of the nursery! We got paint up last weekend (it's really quite pretty), and we're replacing the moulding we bought with actual rope around the dividing line and the ceiling, which should create a pretty cool effect. Looking forward to putting that up this weekend. :) Otherwise, things are pretty quiet around here... too quiet...

Worries: Right now, none, really! [Same]

Symptoms: A bigger belly, lots of hip pain, pregnancy rhinitis, nosebleeds, some nausea on and off. I feel great otherwise! [Same]

Mood: Good! I feel balanced again, which is nice.

Sleep: Still getting worse. Hip pain and congestion, plus waking up a few times to pee, is really wearing on me.

Movement: Yes! Lots of it, too! :) [Same]

The belly (and the button!): Belly button still in! Totally weird, though, it’s definitely more shallow! And the belly is bigger! OMG, is it bigger. [Same]

Wedding rings on or off: On!

Weight gain: I’m up about 11lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight. Pretty much caught up to my expected weight gain, though mostly because of, ahem... constipation. ;)

Milestones: I felt a kick for the first time on the outside this week!! It was... I don't even know, maybe a bit creepy? Definitely different from feeling them on the outside! LOL

How your baby's growing:

Your baby now weighs about three-quarters of a pound and is approximately 10 1/2 inches long — the length of a carrot. You may soon feel like she's practicing martial arts as her initial fluttering movements turn into full-fledged kicks and nudges. You may also discover a pattern to her activity as you get to know her better. In other developments, your baby's eyebrows and lids are present now, and if you're having a girl, her vagina has begun to form as well.

How your life's changing:

You're probably feeling pretty comfortable these days. You're not too big yet, and the usual discomforts associated with early pregnancy are, for the most part, gone. If you're feeling good, relax and enjoy it while you can — the third trimester may bring with it a new crop of complaints.

That's not to say you won't have some minor glitches to deal with now. For example, increased oil production may contribute to the development (or worsening) of acne. If that's the case, be diligent about washing well with a gentle soap or cleanser twice a day, and make sure that any moisturizer or make-up you use is oil-free. Don't take any oral acne medications — some are very hazardous during pregnancy — or use any topical acne products without first checking with your practitioner.

You're also more prone to varicose veins now. As your pregnancy progresses, there's increasing pressure on the veins in your legs; higher progesterone levels, which may cause the walls of your veins to relax, can make the problem worse. You're more likely to get varicose veins if other family members have them. Also, they tend to get worse with each successive pregnancy and as you age. To help prevent or minimize varicose veins, exercise daily, prop up your feet and legs whenever possible, sleep on your left side, and wear maternity support hose.

You may also notice so-called spider veins (a group of tiny blood vessels near the surface of your skin), particularly on your ankles, legs, or face. They may have a spider- or sunburst-like pattern with little branches radiating out from the center, they may look like the branches of a tree, or they may be a group of separate thin lines with no particular pattern. Though they may be a bit unsightly, spider veins don't cause discomfort and usually disappear after delivery.

This Week's Activity:

Create a baby registry. Even if you don't like the idea of asking for specific gifts, family and friends will soon be asking what you need or want — particularly if someone's throwing you a baby shower. If you prepare a gift registry, you'll know exactly what to tell them. Two common mistakes to avoid:

• Registering for clothing. Don't waste your time: People can't resist buying baby clothes, and they generally pick out what they think is cute.


• Not registering for big ticket or expensive items. Don't worry: You won't be seen as greedy. Many shower guests like to go in on a "big gift" together, so give them something to sink their teeth into.

Project Life: Baby Edition!

[caption id="attachment_1535" align="aligncenter" width="500" caption="Just over 20 weeks... and exhausted!"][/caption]

Pshew, it's been a while, hasn't it? Between the office moving around (I got new digs!), rehearsals and concerts to play, family to entertain, and the fact that I want nothing to do with the internetz after clocking out at 5pm, I haven't been around lately to make an update.

But I just HAD to share this with everyone. A good friend of mine, Melissa over at A Vegas Girl at Heart, has been doing Project Life for quite a while now, and I fully admit to coveting every last bit of effort she has put into her weekly album pages. They're so full of life, color, and vibrancy that I can't help but be jealous! (Plus, she has one of the most adorable little boys to show off each week. ;))

Melissa sent me some samples a while ago, and they've been sitting in my craft area -- a cluttered mess upon a really old desk that I really should get rid of because nothing on it but the flat surface actually works -- ever since, waiting to be put to good use. The sad part is, I couldn't think of any reason to actually use them!

Well... now Matt and I are pregnant. So it seems almost obvious that I should start a baby album for little Kit as he grows up! But... where to start...



OH, PEOPLE FROM THE INTERNETZ. :D

Introducing... the Project Life Baby Edition! Melissa has been keeping me on pins and needles waiting for this kit to be announced, and now that it has, I was one of the first in line to get it. My preference? Their "Him" edition.



If you want 'em, go get 'em! I have a feeling they really won't last for very long...

For Him
For Her
Neutral

Also: I hope to do a nursery reveal sometime after this weekend! Matt and I have been working feverishly to get everything painted and done, but we still have a lot to do before I'm going to be happy posting the final product. All I can say is: Be prepared to take a trip down to the Caribbean!

Pregnancy: 20w (HALFWAY!!)

Awesome attorney-boss and I moved offices and Matt and I got started with prepping the nursery for paint yesterday, so I'm exhausted and sore. Fortunately, I hit a milestone this week... halfway, baby!!

What I love: That everything is going well! Kit's kicks are getting stronger by the day, so much so that it makes me jump on occasion! I'm even starting to feel them closer to my belly button, which is fun because my placenta is up there and anterior, so I wasn't expecting to feel anything around that area for a while. :)

I also love that a friend gave birth to a beautiful baby boy on 4 December! Congratulations, Lizzie!! <3

What I hate: Pregnancy pains! [Same] And my hormones, which cause me to just burst into tears and get angry easily.

What I miss: My body, already. [Same] And a glass of wine or something!

What I’m looking forward to the most: Painting!! Matt and I bought paint over the weekend, and we just got the nursery prepped for painting. We're doing a divided wall, light blue top and alabaster bottom split by a white chair rail. We're also getting the crib and dresser delivered on Friday, so we might actually have the room structure done by this weekend! I'll take pictures. :)

Worries: Right now, none, really! The weight thing is weighing on me (ha!) a bit, but otherwise, I'm pretty confident with all that's going on.

Symptoms: A bigger belly, lots of hip pain, pregnancy rhinitis, nosebleeds, some nausea on and off. I feel great otherwise! [Same]

Mood: Swinging, definitely. I've been so emotional this week, whether or not for good reason.

Sleep: Still getting worse. Hip pain, congestion, and now being sick are all throwing off my sleep schedule. The mood swings aren't helping, either, as they keep me wired.

Movement: Yes! Lots of it, too! [Same]

The belly (and the button!): Belly button still in! Totally weird, though, it’s definitely more shallow! And the belly is bigger! OMG, is it bigger. [Same]

Wedding rings on or off: On!

Weight gain: I’m up about 8lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight. I explained last week that my midwife had some concerns about not reaching the 10-12lb mark by 20 weeks, but anatomically speaking (for Kit, at least), everything looks to be okay! So I'm not stressing too much about it. We're going to re-evaluate at my next appointment (24 weeks) and see if anything else needs to be done.

Milestones: Hitting the halfway mark!! Only 20 more weeks to go! (I never thought I'd say this, but THANK GOD.)

How your baby's growing:

Your baby weighs about 10 1/2 ounces now. He's also around 6 1/2 inches long from head to bottom and about 10 inches from head to heel — the length of a banana. (For the first 20 weeks, when a baby's legs are curled up against his torso and hard to measure, measurements are taken from the top of his head to his bottom — the "crown to rump" measurement. After 20 weeks, he's measured from head to toe.)

He's swallowing more these days, which is good practice for his digestive system. He's also producing meconium, a black, sticky by-product of digestion. This gooey substance will accumulate in his bowels, and you'll see it in his first soiled diaper (some babies pass meconium in the womb or during delivery).

How your life's changing:

Congratulations! You've hit the halfway mark in your pregnancy. The top of your uterus is about level with your belly button, and you've likely gained around 10 pounds. Expect to gain another pound or so each week from now on. (If you started your pregnancy underweight, you may need to gain a bit more; if you were overweight, perhaps a bit less.) Make sure you're getting enough iron, a mineral that's used primarily to make hemoglobin (the part of your red blood cells that carries oxygen).

During pregnancy, your body needs more iron to keep up with your expanding blood volume, as well as for your growing baby and the placenta. Red meat is one of the best sources of iron for pregnant women. Poultry (especially the dark meat) also contains iron. Some common non-meat sources of iron include legumes, soy-based products, spinach, prune juice, raisins, and iron-fortified cereals.

If you haven't already signed up for a childbirth education class, you may want to look into one, especially if you're a first-timer. A structured class will help prepare you and your partner for the rigors of labor and delivery. Most hospitals and birth centers offer classes, either as weekly meetings or as a single intensive, one-day session. Many communities have independent instructors as well. Ask your friends, family members, or caregiver for recommendations.

Take an extra pillow to bed tonight "I found it so much easier to sleep on my side when I hugged a pillow and wrapped my legs around it. In fact, two years after the birth of my child, it's still my favorite way to fall asleep." — Clara

Pregnancy: 19w - Weight

First, in case you missed it: Matt and I are having a boy!! :)

Yesterday was my almost-midpoint midwife appointment at Special Beginnings, and it went really well! Though it was shorter than all my other visits so far (most have been at least 45 minutes and up to two hours, this one was about 30 minutes), I felt like all my questions and concerns were addressed. I did forget to mention the nosebleeds I've been having pretty regularly, but I did remember a lot. :P

One thing my midwives have learned about me was how in-tune I am with my body and its changes thus far. I kind of pride myself in having a close connection to my body, and it's no different in pregnancy. I've been feeling a lot of movement recently, and when my midwife discussed it with me, she mentioned it was really early to start feeling movement, especially with a first pregnancy. Imagine her surprise when I mentioned that Matt, by stroke of pure luck, felt Kit kick at about 16 weeks!

I also mentioned that, at some points of the day, I'll walk around and it'll feel like Kit is being bobbed around in a bowl of water or something, like my abs can't support Kit or his temporary home. She said that this was normal, too, but like the movement and kicking, most women don't feel this until later in their pregnancy -- in both cases, around 24 weeks. She thought that was pretty cool, too!

Well, it was obvious at that point that weight had come up a couple times, and while she mentioned I was thin, she also mentioned that my weight gain (or lack thereof) is a little cause for concern. Not that she's terribly worried about it right now, but she says we may need to monitor it a bit. I've only gained, as of yesterday's appointment, around 7lbs, and she expected somewhere around 10-12lbs by 20 weeks, if not by now.

So I'm a little under target for weight.

Not that this should be a huge surprise, though. I've had body issues for as long as I can remember, the worst of it coming to a peak when we first moved to Maryland in December 2009. I had left Florida with Matt at my highest weight to date, and you could tell: It was absolutely everywhere. My face, my limbs, my middle were all much bigger than I would have liked. I won't tell the exact number (not polite to ask a lady's weight! ;)), but I can assure you I easily had 20-25lbs to lose.

I made a resolution when we moved here that I would start taking care of myself a lot better. We were eating out a lot in Orlando, going out to bars and restaurants often late at night and often for football games... and y'all know how good football food is for you. It's really no wonder that I gained so much weight! So we stopped doing this (at least on as regular a basis as it was) and started eating better.

I also started a local yoga class, attending once a week for an hour. While it doesn't sound like much, that little bit of exercise, plus whatever I did at home, and the changes we made to our diets really helped. A year went by, and I had lost about 15lbs.

The other five to 10 were lost the following year, and I managed to keep it all off that year and the one following. I was never a "calorie-counter" (that's Matt's job, a job he can keep, thank you very much), but I was conscious about what I ate and conscious about what I did to better my body.

Through that time, I grew much more in-tune with myself, both physically and emotionally, and I noticed a great change in both. This was a great thing!

The bad thing was when I started associating that physical and emotional well-being with the number on a scale.

I became obsessed with that instead of with calories, restricting myself whenever I saw the numbers start to creep up (even if for a day or two) and chastising myself whenever I ate something that wasn't great for me. While it never turned into a full-blown eating disorder like anorexia or bulimia -- I'm emetophobic, so that never would have happened, at least, lol -- it DID become something that consumed my life.

So you can imagine that, considering this is a situation in which I need to gain weight for my own health and that of my unborn child, both in pregnancy and afterward (my midwife stressed the importance of fat stores when breastfeeding), it can be a little triggering to see the number on the scale start to climb. In my mind, I was reversing all the progress I had made and the maintenance I had kept over the years.

18w6d, about 7lbs up from pre-preggo weight.

This is something I struggled with from the very beginning of this pregnancy, and something I'm sure I'll battle until the very end, especially because it's suggested I gain between 25 and 35lbs over the entire course. Just the mere thought of gaining that sends me into a tizzy.

And of course, my body is working against me in all ways: Any fat that I got in my diet before getting pregnant was consumed through cheese and other dairy, avocados, and peanuts (I'm allergic to tree nuts, so those are out), and they all sound entirely unappealing to me now. Just the though of a PB&J actually makes me want to gag. So... finding things with fats that are vegetarian, without being slathered in oil or deep-fried, is going to be pretty difficult!

Guess I'll keep y'all updated about that as I go along. :)

The point of all this is that, though I intellectually know that weight gain is good for Kit (especially considering where I started off), I have to start emotionally realizing that and putting at least some bit of weight gain at the forefront. It's going to take a lot of work, I'm sure, to overcome those hurdles, but it's what's best.

After all, it can't be that difficult to lose after Kit's born!

Pregnancy: 19w

What I love: How everything is going! Apparently, all is really well. I had my 19-week appointment with the midwives yesterday and have my anatomy scan tomorrow morning, so hopefully all is well there!

What I hate: Pregnancy pains! [Same]

What I miss: My body, already. And I’m not even halfway through! [Same]

What I’m looking forward to the most: Tomorrow's anatomy scan and daycare interviews! Matt and I are taking the whole day off for this purpose. We're also (hopefully) getting some furniture in this coming week, and once we have the crib, we're going to get some paint. YESSSS. :)

Worries: I had some cramps yesterday and the day before that really freaked me out, but I feel reassured after talking to my midwife.

Symptoms: A bigger belly, lots of hip pain, pregnancy rhinitis, nosebleeds, some nausea on and off. I feel great otherwise! [Same]

Mood: Pretty good! [Same]

Sleep: Getting worse and worse. I've woken up almost every night this week to either pee or blow my nose, the latter of which always produces some blood. Sigh. I used the neti pot before bed last night to see if that would help, and miraculously, it did! So I'm going to do that nightly. Matt DID keep waking me up last night, though, because I was snoring... :P

Movement: Yes! Lots of it, too! :) [Same]

The belly (and the button!): Belly button still in! Totally weird, though, it’s definitely more shallow! And the belly is bigger! OMG, is it bigger. [Same]

Wedding rings on or off: On!

Weight gain: I’m up about 7lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight.

Milestones: Having everything be a-OK at our appointment yesterday! :)

The midwife did have one concern, though, about my weight. If you haven't noticed, I'm kind of thin, and I've only gained 7lbs from pre-pregnancy. I'm hoping this lack of weight gain isn't affecting Kit at all, though from these kicks, he seems okay. We'll see tomorrow.

Apparently, for my height and weight, the midwifery practice typically expects a 10-12lb weight gain by 20 weeks, which is just next week. That would mean packing on 3-5lbs in a matter of a week to meet that goal. She said it isn't a huge concern if I don't reach that, but if it's still low at my next appointment (2 January), they're going to look into ways to help.

In fact, I'm going to make this issue the topic for another blog post, which I may cross-post to TCC. In the meantime, more fun stuff! :)

How your baby's growing:

Your baby's sensory development is exploding! Her brain is designating specialized areas for smell, taste, hearing, vision, and touch. Some research suggests that she may be able to hear your voice now, so don't be shy about reading aloud, talking to her, or singing a happy tune if the mood strikes you.

Your baby weighs about 8 1/2 ounces and measures 6 inches, head to bottom — about the size of a large heirloom tomato. Her arms and legs are in the right proportions to each other and the rest of her body now. Her kidneys continue to make urine and the hair on her scalp is sprouting. A waxy protective coating called the vernix caseosa is forming on her skin to prevent it from pickling in the amniotic fluid.

How your life's changing:

Think you're big now? You'll start growing even faster in the weeks to come. As a result, you may notice some achiness in your lower abdomen or even an occasional brief, stabbing pain on one or both sides — especially when you shift position or at the end of an active day. Most likely, this is round ligament pain. The ligaments that support your uterus are stretching to accommodate its increasing weight. This is nothing to be alarmed about, but call your practitioner if the pain continues even when you're resting or becomes severe.

You may be noticing some skin changes, too. Are the palms of your hands red? Nothing to worry about — it's from the extra estrogen. You may also have patches of darkened skin caused by a temporary increase in pigment. When these darker patches appear on your upper lip, cheeks, and forehead, they're called chloasma, or the "mask of pregnancy." You may also notice some darkening of your nipples, freckles, scars, underarms, inner thighs, and vulva. That darkened line running from your belly button to your pubic bone is called the linea nigra, or "dark line."

These darkened spots will probably fade shortly after delivery. In the meantime, protect yourself from the sun, which intensifies the pigment changes. Cover up, wear a brimmed hat, and use sunscreen when you're outdoors. And if you're self-conscious about your "mask," a little concealing makeup can work wonders.

Soothe aching muscles "Try gently massaging your achy ligaments, or use a heating pad or warm facecloth where it hurts." — Anonymous

Decision Guide: Naming your baby

For many couples, settling on a name for their baby is a lot of fun. For others, it's a tortuous process of negotiation. Either way, it's an important decision because you're choosing something that will last a lifetime (unless your little one decides to rename herself along the way). Here are some factors to consider when you're deciding on a name:

• Sound and compatibility How your baby's name sounds when it's said aloud is one of the most essential things to think about. Is it melodious? Harsh? Does it go well with your last name? One thing to avoid: Choosing a first name that ends in the same sound as the beginning of your last name.


• Uniqueness An unusual name has the advantage of making your child stand out from the crowd. On the other hand, a name no one has heard of and few can pronounce can bring attention your child might rather avoid. Spelling variations can help make a name unique, but choosing a name with numerous spellings can cause confusion in your child's life for years to come.


• Relatives and friends Many parents choose to name their babies after a grandparent, another relative, or a close friend. Don't want too many Michaels in your house? Look way back in your family tree for hidden treasures. And if you're worried about hurt feelings, consider a first name from one side of the family and a middle name from the other. According to a BabyCenter survey, middle names are a must for most parents; 98 percent give their child a middle name, with 7 percent of those parents giving their child two or more middle names.


• Ancestry and heritage Your child's heritage is an essential part of who she is, and you may want her name to reflect that. Skim history books focusing on your family's country of origin to find appropriate possibilities.


• Meaning No one is likely to treat your daughter Ingrid differently because her name means "hero's daughter," but the derivation of your baby's name is something you may want to think about. Use BabyCenter's Baby Name tool to learn the meaning of over 5,000 names.


• Initials and nicknames People, especially kids, can be cruel when it comes to nicknames, so try to anticipate any potentially embarrassing ones. Consider your child's initials as well, so you don't inadvertently saddle her with a doozy like Z.I.T. or P.E.E.


• Many people going through pregnancy like to refer to their growing baby by name — or nickname.

One of the best tests for a baby name is to yell it out loud, preferably at a playground. If you feel uncomfortable saying the name in that setting, it might not be the best choice.

This Week's Activity

Start your childcare search. It may seem early to you, but the best centers often have long waiting lists and it's easier to go on tours now than when you have an infant in tow. You have many options, so review the pluses and minuses of daycare centers, nanny care, home daycare, and relative care. Put your name on a few lists even if you aren't sure what you'll do. When the time comes, you may be grateful for the options.

Baby Kit: Weight Gain

First, in case you missed it: Matt and I are having a boy!!



Yesterday was my almost-midpoint midwife appointment at Special Beginnings, and it went really well! Though it was shorter than all my other visits so far (most have been at least 45 minutes and up to two hours, this one was about 30 minutes), I felt like all my questions and concerns were addressed. I did forget to mention the nosebleeds I’ve been having pretty regularly, but I did remember a lot.

One thing my midwives have learned about me was how in-tune I am with my body and its changes thus far. I kind of pride myself in having a close connection to my body, and it’s no different in pregnancy. I’ve been feeling a lot of movement recently, and when my midwife discussed it with me, she mentioned it was really early to start feeling movement, especially with a first pregnancy. Imagine her surprise when I mentioned that Matt, by stroke of pure luck, felt Kit kick at about 16 weeks!

I also mentioned that, at some points of the day, I’ll walk around and it’ll feel like Kit is being bobbed around in a bowl of water or something, like my abs can’t support Kit or his temporary home. She said that this was normal, too, but like the movement and kicking, most women don’t feel this until later in their pregnancy — in both cases, around 24 weeks. She thought that was pretty cool, too!

Well, it was obvious at that point that weight had come up a couple times, and while she mentioned I was thin, she also mentioned that my weight gain (or lack thereof) is a little cause for concern. Not that she’s terribly worried about it right now, but she says we may need to monitor it a bit. I’ve only gained, as of yesterday’s appointment, around 7lbs, and she expected somewhere around 10-12lbs by 20 weeks, if not by now.

So I’m a little under target for weight.



Not that this should be a huge surprise, though. I’ve had body issues for as long as I can remember, the worst of it coming to a peak when we first moved to Maryland in December 2009. I had left Florida with Matt at my highest weight to date, and you could tell: It was absolutely everywhere. My face, my limbs, my middle were all much bigger than I would have liked. I won’t tell the exact number (not polite to ask a lady’s weight! ), but I can assure you I easily had 20-25lbs to lose.

I made a resolution when we moved here that I would start taking care of myself a lot better. We were eating out a lot in Orlando, going out to bars and restaurants often late at night and often for football games… and y’all know how good football food is for you. It’s really no wonder that I gained so much weight! So we stopped doing this (at least on as regular a basis as it was) and started eating better.

I also started a local yoga class, attending once a week for an hour. While it doesn’t sound like much, that little bit of exercise, plus whatever I did at home, and the changes we made to our diets really helped. A year went by, and I had lost about 15lbs.

The other five to 10 were lost the following year, and I managed to keep it all off that year and the one following. I was never a “calorie-counter” (that’s Matt’s job, a job he can keep, thank you very much), but I was conscious about what I ate and conscious about what I did to better my body.

Through that time, I grew much more in-tune with myself, both physically and emotionally, and I noticed a great change in both. This was a great thing!

The bad thing was when I started associating that physical and emotional well-being with the number on a scale.

I became obsessed with that instead of with calories, restricting myself whenever I saw the numbers start to creep up (even if for a day or two) and chastising myself whenever I ate something that wasn’t great for me. While it never turned into a full-blown eating disorder like anorexia or bulimia — I’m emetophobic, so that never would have happened, at least, lol — it DID become something that consumed my life.

So you can imagine that, considering this is a situation in which I need to gain weight for my own health and that of my unborn child, both in pregnancy and afterward (my midwife stressed the importance of fat stores when breastfeeding), it can be a little triggering to see the number on the scale start to climb. In my mind, I was reversing all the progress I had made and the maintenance I had kept over the years.

[caption id="attachment_1528" align="aligncenter" width="373" caption="18w6d, about 7lbs up from pre-preggo weight."][/caption]

This is something I struggled with from the very beginning of this pregnancy, and something I’m sure I’ll battle until the very end, especially because it’s suggested I gain between 25 and 35lbs over the entire course. Just the mere thought of gaining that sends me into a tizzy.

And of course, my body is working against me in all ways: Any fat that I got in my diet before getting pregnant was consumed through cheese and other dairy, avocados, and peanuts (I’m allergic to tree nuts, so those are out), and they all sound entirely unappealing to me now. Just the though of a PB&J actually makes me want to gag. So… finding things with fats that are vegetarian, without being slathered in oil or deep-fried, is going to be pretty difficult!

Guess I’ll keep y’all updated about that as I go along.

The point of all this is that, though I intellectually know that weight gain is good for Kit (especially considering where I started off), I have to start emotionally realizing that and putting at least some bit of weight gain at the forefront. It’s going to take a lot of work, I’m sure, to overcome those hurdles, but it’s what’s best.

After all, it can’t be that difficult to lose after Kit’s born!

Pregnancy: 18w5d - Thanksgiving (and other holidays)

Yesterday, I briefly touched on Matt's and my tentative plans for Thanksgiving from here on out, and I alluded to our pseudo-agreement. Since I promptly forgot after posting, I never did get to it, so I'll explain now. :)

Y'all remember my pissy post, wherein I lamented not seeing my family for a while, right? It all came flooding back after our Thanksgiving trip down to Florida. I was still pretty adamant about going down every Thanksgiving, but as of when we left for Maryland, I hadn't told Matt yet.

So I told him this past weekend. We were driving somewhere (I forgot where), and I broke it to him, saying that I planned on spending every Thanksgiving down with my family. Before I got the chance to explain, he got REALLY pissed off -- why am I suddenly changing plans (we never had any, really, but okay), what about his family, and so forth.

I explained exactly what I heard from my mom. (And this is super-duper on the DL, considering its sensitive nature.)

Back before I started college, in 2002, my dad lost his job. My mom had been a SAHM until that point, but she managed to get a job that same month at the elementary school where my siblings and I all attended and where she had been volunteering for years. My dad hasn't really found steady work since, and my mom's job pays peanuts, with half of her salary going to healthcare (seriously, it's ridiculous).

Considering all this, they're in pretty dire financial straits, so much so that they're upside down on their house, among other things. My mom was talking to me about their finances, and apparently (though she hasn't told my dad yet -- he has major pride issues), she's been looking into downsizing to a trailer or mobile park.

Now THAT'S bad. :(

My sister and her husband are in no better a financial situation, and my brother is in college, so that makes it difficult for either of them to come up, too. And my grandma's almost 90 -- there's no way we can ask her to come up.

Because of this, my family will likely never be able to travel up, especially for the holidays. My mom's summer trips up here, which she's been doing for the past few years, will likely come to an end, too. So realistically, how often Matt and I go down will mean how often we -- and our son -- get to see my family.

Once I explained all this to Matt, he was just shocked that it has gotten that bad. It's especially stark when compared to my in-laws' situation, which is much better and explains why we see Matt's mom much more often than my own. (SFIL, he doesn't come up often strictly because he doesn't like to travel, lol.) Same with his grandparents and other family members.

So far, we've come to an agreement that we'll do Thanksgiving for three years, then a year at our place (and maybe we'll finance my family coming up) and fly down that year for Christmas or something.

It really sucks to have to do this, but I really want my family to know the newest addition to their family, too, and while Matt's family (his mom especially) is going to have several opportunities to do so, my family definitely won't.

We need to hammer out the details -- and let his mom down, lol -- but I think it'll turn out fine.

Pregnancy: 18w(4d... a little late)

Thanks to the holidays, I'm a little behind on this. I don't want to forget, though. :)

What I love: That we're having a little BOY!! I admit that I had an hour or so the night we found out, lying alone in my old bedroom, about whether I was actually excited about a son, but I totally am. As is Matt. :)

What I hate: Pregnancy pains!

What I miss: My body, already. And I’m not even halfway through! [Same]

What I’m looking forward to the most: Getting our furniture in!! We ordered it today (thank you, Cyber Monday), and we should get it the first week of December, if not earlier. I just realized that's, like, Saturday...

Worries: I've been too busy to worry lately. LOL

Symptoms: A bigger belly, lots of hip pain, pregnancy rhinitis, nosebleeds, some nausea on and off. I feel great otherwise!

Mood: Pretty good!

Sleep: Getting more poor. I had a difficult time sleeping last night and woke up several times to adjust a pillow, blow my nose, pee, adjust another pillow, cover Matt's face when he snored...

Movement: Yes! Lots of it, too! :)

The belly (and the button!): Belly button still in! Totally weird, though, it’s definitely more shallow! And the belly is bigger! OMG, is it bigger. [Same]

Wedding rings on or off: On!

Weight gain: I’m up about 6-7lbs from my pre-pregnancy weight.

Milestones: We found out we're having a BOY!! :D We're having an anatomy ultrasound this Friday, so we get to see him again soon! We're also looking for daycares this Friday, which should be soooo exciting, lol.

Best moment of the week: Aside from the ultrasound? I mean, that part was awesome -- we had both our families there! The woman giving the exam did a little bit of 3D, and while it was a bit creepy (it probably looks better if you're 24 weeks or more), we DID get to see Kit do a little boxing jab! That explains all the sudden movement I have in there. XD

I also got to spend a ton of time with my family over Thanksgiving, and Matt and I came to a pseudo-consensus about Thanksgiving for years to come (we'll have to discuss it more). I'll have a separate post about that later.

All in all, this was a great week!

How your baby's growing:

Head to rump, your baby is about 5 1/2 inches long (about the length of a bell pepper) and he weighs almost 7 ounces. He's busy flexing his arms and legs — movements that you'll start noticing more and more in the weeks ahead. His blood vessels are visible through his thin skin, and his ears are now in their final position, although they're still standing out from his head a bit. A protective covering of myelin is beginning to form around his nerves, a process that will continue for a year after he's born. If you're having a girl, her uterus and fallopian tubes are formed and in place. If you're having a boy, his genitals are noticeable now, but he may hide them from you during an ultrasound.

How your life's changing:

Hungry? An increase in appetite is pretty common about now. Make it count by choosing meals and snacks that are rich in nutrients instead of empty calories (chips, French fries, candy, and other sweets). Bigger, more comfortable clothes are a must now as your appetite and waistline grow.

Your cardiovascular system is undergoing dramatic changes, and during this trimester your blood pressure will probably be lower than usual. Don't spring up too fast from a lying or sitting position or you might feel a little dizzy.

From now on, when you do lie down, it's best to lie on your side — or at least partly tilted to one side. (When you lie flat on your back, your uterus can compress a major vein, leading to decreased blood return to your heart.) Try placing a pillow behind you or under your hip or upper leg for comfort.

If you haven't already had a second-trimester ultrasound, you'll probably have one soon. This painless procedure helps your practitioner check how your baby's growing, screen for certain birth defects, check the placenta and umbilical cord, determine whether the due date you're working with is accurate, and see how many babies you're carrying. During the exam, you might see your baby moving around or sucking his thumb. Bring your partner along, and be sure to ask for a printout for your baby's first photo album!

Afternoon energy booster "If you're finding it hard to get through the afternoon at work without a little nap, find a place you can escape for 15 to 20 minutes (close your office door, use a conference room, even sit in your car). Bring a small travel alarm clock and set it for 15 minutes." — Laura

This Week's Activity:

Look into childbirth classes. The best and most popular ones fill up fast so start your search now. Classes vary quite a bit in their approach. Some are spread out over several weeks, while others are as short as a day. Your hospital probably offers classes, but you may want to take a specialized class elsewhere. To find a class, get recommendations from your healthcare provider and your friends, or call the International Childbirth Education Association at (952) 854-8660 for information about childbirth educators in your area.

Pregnancy: 17w5d - Pissy

I know I haven't really talked about the bad lately. Fortunately, there isn't much of it, but ever since I got out of my first trimester...

I don't know what's gotten into me lately. I am just angry at absolutely everything. Even as I sit at my desk (I leave for vacation today, so naturally, I have done almost nothing but sit here and seethe), I want to smash things and yell and cry.

It's absolutely bizarre. There are stressors, sure, and they really are hitting hard right now, but not really much more than usual.

Okay, I lied. They're ARE much more than usual. Matt and I got into a fight yesterday about his parents, my in-laws. His mom in specific.

It always seems to come back to her. >:|

The Tarot actually predicted this, some sort of me being in the middle to keep peace, but working against two opposite forces. It absolutely sucks.

Anyway, the gist of it was that Matt believes I should stay in contact with his mom and his Nana more often than I already do -- return all their phone calls and emails (there are a lot), actually initiate phone calls, stay in touch more than once a week (which is a lot, anyway). It's hard because sometimes they talk about me in emails or phone calls strictly to him, and he feels like he's the go-between. Which is kind of true, but it's like... why not ask me about it?

Not that I'm going to respond all the time because, really, I don't want to open the floodgates and have them believe that it's okay to contact me all the goddamn time, especially when...

Okay, so here's the thing. My in-laws want me to tell them about my pregnancy every step of the way, right? Matt was mad because I don't, and I shot back, "You realize that I don't even tell my family half of what's going on with the pregnancy, right?"

And I seriously don't. Unless I'm asked how I'm doing (which is admittedly rare -- my family is like me in that they won't really ask, they'll just wait for you to volunteer information if you want to), I generally just keep it to myself. Because really, what all is going on aside from, pregnancy is okay, there are good days and bad, not really much to talk about, there's still a baby in there, congratulations?

It surprised Matt that I don't, but there isn't a lot to tell. But to be constantly bombarded with baby information, stories, questions, asking how I'm doing, constant gushing about their graaaandchiiiiild...

It's the same as everything else. Like when MIL asked if we could come over to her house after the ultrasound for dinner, after we TOLD her that I could NOT because my midwife doesn't (and therefore we don't) feel comfortable with me taking a Class B medication on a daily basis or a Class C medication too often, except when potentially life-threatening.

And despite being reminded of this multiple times -- AND having to tell Matt's Nana even though I'm sure she heard it from MIL or Matt, at the very least -- she STILL asked. And threw a fit when we reminded her that, no, we can't.

But noooo, it's all about her. All about what she wants to do and how she's involved and how it will affect her. She completely forgets that I have a family of my own, for chrissake. I mean, for Thanksgiving, she invited us over AGAIN despite the fact that my family has plans like they do every year, and...

We see Matt's family a lot. Like, a LOT. Matt still doesn't realize that how often we see them, especially his mom, and how little we see mine. I know it's not their faults, but my family can't come up nearly as often as they just... aren't as well-off as my in-laws are. So really, the only time we can see my family is when we go down south.

To make my point, we last saw my family at my sister's wedding, mid-February. My mom did come up for a little less than a week in early June. Not only did we see Matt's family while we were down for my sister's wedding, she also came up TWICE after my mom's visit in the summer.

And Matt, of course, forgot that it's been almost a full year since I've seen my sister or my brother or my dad or my grandma.

So of course, MIL doesn't realize this, either, nor does she particularly care, I'm sure. She wants us there all the damn time. I'm sure she's going to be really offended if we ever determine we're going to spend a holiday with my family and not hers, or that I won't be able to go to her house because SERIOUSLY her house makes me want to die.

Next year, Thanksgiving is being held at my uncle-in-law's place. They have a huge dog, too, and a cat, so it's going to be awesome allergen and asthma city for me. I'm thisclose to considering taking the baby and going to S FL to celebrate with my family. It's partially because I am just so damn tired of dealing with the allergies, and partially because... you know what?

I DON'T see my family that often. I WANT to spend more time with them. I don't WANT to have to go everywhere that Matt wants us to go just because he feels guilt-tripped into attending.

(And we have a bar mitzvah for his side, and second Sunday dinners, and Chanukah and Passover and other holidays that my family doesn't celebrate, and god knows what else. So you know what? There are plenty of things going on with the in-laws.)

I'm doing it. I'm not going to the in-laws' home next year. I'm spending Thanksgiving with my own family, and I'm bringing the baby with me (I mean, if my family doesn't see me often, then they don't see Kit, either!). Matt can choose whether or not he wants to come with.

I'm just so DONE with this bullshit and backstabbing and talking behind others' backs and guilt-trips and whiny fits.

Pregnancy: 17w4d - Kick, kick, kick!

So I've been feeling movement for the past couple weeks, which has been absolutely amazing. They come and go, and sometimes a day or two goes by when I don't feel anything, but I figure that's kind of normal (that's what I'm telling myself, at least!). They seem to be regular around 2pm and 6 or 7pm, and often times at night. I've also noticed that Kit doesn't like it when someone -- or, in the case of clothing, something -- pushes on my belly and makes Kit's home smaller. ;)

Matt and I were laying in bed on Friday night, and I was on my side. He reached around and put his hand on my tummy, jokingly trying to see if he could feel anything. We both fell quiet for a bit, and since Matt was pressing my stomach, you can imagine Kit didn't like that, and... well, there was a kick! Probably the strongest one I've had yet, and one that really made me wonder if Matt felt it, too.

After the kick, a second or two went by, and without me saying anything, Matt asked, "Did you feel a kick just a second ago?"

I was completely boggled. No way could he feel that, right?! But apparently, he really did! He said he was quiet for that second or two because he wanted to see if that would happen again (it didn't) or if it was gas (I didn't fart, so nope, lol). Just the fact that he asked after such a powerful kick just... it blows my mind!

So Matt got to feel his baby kick for the first time. :) It was the last time Kit kicked quite that hard -- all the other times have been the popcorn feeling I usually get -- and I'm so glad he got to experience it.

Just wait until Kit gets a little bigger. ;)