Pregnancy: 17w5d - Pissy

I know I haven't really talked about the bad lately. Fortunately, there isn't much of it, but ever since I got out of my first trimester...

I don't know what's gotten into me lately. I am just angry at absolutely everything. Even as I sit at my desk (I leave for vacation today, so naturally, I have done almost nothing but sit here and seethe), I want to smash things and yell and cry.

It's absolutely bizarre. There are stressors, sure, and they really are hitting hard right now, but not really much more than usual.

Okay, I lied. They're ARE much more than usual. Matt and I got into a fight yesterday about his parents, my in-laws. His mom in specific.

It always seems to come back to her. >:|

The Tarot actually predicted this, some sort of me being in the middle to keep peace, but working against two opposite forces. It absolutely sucks.

Anyway, the gist of it was that Matt believes I should stay in contact with his mom and his Nana more often than I already do -- return all their phone calls and emails (there are a lot), actually initiate phone calls, stay in touch more than once a week (which is a lot, anyway). It's hard because sometimes they talk about me in emails or phone calls strictly to him, and he feels like he's the go-between. Which is kind of true, but it's like... why not ask me about it?

Not that I'm going to respond all the time because, really, I don't want to open the floodgates and have them believe that it's okay to contact me all the goddamn time, especially when...

Okay, so here's the thing. My in-laws want me to tell them about my pregnancy every step of the way, right? Matt was mad because I don't, and I shot back, "You realize that I don't even tell my family half of what's going on with the pregnancy, right?"

And I seriously don't. Unless I'm asked how I'm doing (which is admittedly rare -- my family is like me in that they won't really ask, they'll just wait for you to volunteer information if you want to), I generally just keep it to myself. Because really, what all is going on aside from, pregnancy is okay, there are good days and bad, not really much to talk about, there's still a baby in there, congratulations?

It surprised Matt that I don't, but there isn't a lot to tell. But to be constantly bombarded with baby information, stories, questions, asking how I'm doing, constant gushing about their graaaandchiiiiild...

It's the same as everything else. Like when MIL asked if we could come over to her house after the ultrasound for dinner, after we TOLD her that I could NOT because my midwife doesn't (and therefore we don't) feel comfortable with me taking a Class B medication on a daily basis or a Class C medication too often, except when potentially life-threatening.

And despite being reminded of this multiple times -- AND having to tell Matt's Nana even though I'm sure she heard it from MIL or Matt, at the very least -- she STILL asked. And threw a fit when we reminded her that, no, we can't.

But noooo, it's all about her. All about what she wants to do and how she's involved and how it will affect her. She completely forgets that I have a family of my own, for chrissake. I mean, for Thanksgiving, she invited us over AGAIN despite the fact that my family has plans like they do every year, and...

We see Matt's family a lot. Like, a LOT. Matt still doesn't realize that how often we see them, especially his mom, and how little we see mine. I know it's not their faults, but my family can't come up nearly as often as they just... aren't as well-off as my in-laws are. So really, the only time we can see my family is when we go down south.

To make my point, we last saw my family at my sister's wedding, mid-February. My mom did come up for a little less than a week in early June. Not only did we see Matt's family while we were down for my sister's wedding, she also came up TWICE after my mom's visit in the summer.

And Matt, of course, forgot that it's been almost a full year since I've seen my sister or my brother or my dad or my grandma.

So of course, MIL doesn't realize this, either, nor does she particularly care, I'm sure. She wants us there all the damn time. I'm sure she's going to be really offended if we ever determine we're going to spend a holiday with my family and not hers, or that I won't be able to go to her house because SERIOUSLY her house makes me want to die.

Next year, Thanksgiving is being held at my uncle-in-law's place. They have a huge dog, too, and a cat, so it's going to be awesome allergen and asthma city for me. I'm thisclose to considering taking the baby and going to S FL to celebrate with my family. It's partially because I am just so damn tired of dealing with the allergies, and partially because... you know what?

I DON'T see my family that often. I WANT to spend more time with them. I don't WANT to have to go everywhere that Matt wants us to go just because he feels guilt-tripped into attending.

(And we have a bar mitzvah for his side, and second Sunday dinners, and Chanukah and Passover and other holidays that my family doesn't celebrate, and god knows what else. So you know what? There are plenty of things going on with the in-laws.)

I'm doing it. I'm not going to the in-laws' home next year. I'm spending Thanksgiving with my own family, and I'm bringing the baby with me (I mean, if my family doesn't see me often, then they don't see Kit, either!). Matt can choose whether or not he wants to come with.

I'm just so DONE with this bullshit and backstabbing and talking behind others' backs and guilt-trips and whiny fits.