10 December 2014

Rave Review: BALM! Baby Diaper Balm and First Aid Balm

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We recently lost our jar of Angel Baby Bottom Balm, which we loved to slather on Tycho before bedtime. That stuff took care of any rashes he may have had and was a great protectant, plus it was cloth diaper safe. I was at a local natural baby store to see if they had any in stock and was disappointed to learn they had run out, but a lovely associate there directed me to BALM! Baby Diaper Balm (and 1st Aid!), saying it was incredibly similar to Angel Baby.

Y'all. I think I found us a new balm. Because seriously, this stuff is amazing!

Since we had been missing our Angel Baby jar, Tycho started to develop a bit of redness, which I'm sure was super uncomfortable for the little guy. I wouldn't want to walk around with a chafed ass. I put the BALM! Baby Diaper Balm on his booty last night, hopeful that it would clear up in the next couple days and provide him with relief.

The rash was gone the next morning. I mean, I had a feeling the balm was good, but not that good. Matt had changed him this morning when we all got up, and I had to change him about 45 minutes later after he decided that, :yes, I'd love to take a huge dump right as we're all walking out the house"... and I was surprised to see no redness at all. Angel Baby worked miracles for us before, but not quite this quickly!

BALM! Baby is great for other things, too -- their product information notes that it works on eczema, newborn skin, cradle cap, sunburns, bug bites, dry hands, chapped cheeks from cold or teething, and more. Aside from the obvious (because who would want to endure any of this!), I'm looking forward to giving the "first aid" side of this balm to the test.

Their ingredients are all organic: Olive, coconut, macadamia nut oil & sesame seed oil infused in noni, calendula, chamomile, comfrey & rosemary, candelilla wax, St. John’s wort extract, chickweed extract, neem oil, kukui nut oil, vitamin e T-50, Organic Essential oil blend of orange, lavender & tea tree oils. Making it vegan, too!

And honestly, you can't beat $10. Our Angel Baby stuff had been used for months before we lost it, and we still had well over half the balm left over (making me wonder if we'll ever find it, as you know stuff always goes missing when you need it most). Since BALM! Baby has the same consistency and the directions encourage you to apply conservatively ("a little goes a long way"), and since the jar is even bigger... I imagine we'll have this stuff for a good long while.

So if you're in the market for a new diaper balm, whether you use cloth or disposables, treating diaper rash or just want a great barrier, I encourage you to try BALM! Baby Diaper Balm. :)


All opinions and experiences are mine, and mine alone. I was not compensated for this review by BALM! Baby or any other company, in form of payment, free products, or any other means. This post may contain affiliate links.


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14 November 2014

World Health Organization: No long-term benefits to breastfeeding


I have breastfed. I still breastfeed my 19-month-old. If it was up to Tycho, I'm sure we'd be breastfeeding until elementary school (despite my plans to cut him off entirely by at least three -- good thing he doesn't understand that yet!). I enjoy it, he enjoys it, it's a mutually-beneficial relationship, and I'll be sad when it's gone.

But is breast "best"? According to the World Health Organization (WHO), the answer is a resounding "NO".

The WHO recently published Long-term effects of breastfeeding: a systematic review by Bernardo L. Horta and Cesar G. Victoria, both MD, PhDs from Universidade Federal de Pelotas in Brazil. While this study serves mostly to supplement one done under the same name, published in 2007, this 74-page research paper touts the benefits of breastfeeding in the first six months, but also resoundingly shows that there is no evidence for long-term health benefits of breastfeeding.

I bolded that and made it huge because, as a breastfeeder and, even more, as a relactation-er, while breastfeeding for any length of time is a worthy goal that should be socially accepted and assisted to ensure a mother's success (provided it's what she actually wants to do), I did it NOT for the health benefits, but for that mutually-beneficial relationship.

And I strongly believe that, regardless of how you feed your child, you also have the same right to have that mutually-beneficial relationship.

Most people who read this blog (and, for that matter, even have access to the internet) are, I assume, from an industrialized society of some sort, one that has clean water and access to healthy, scientifically-sound, entirely safe and effective infant and toddler formulas. Considering this, any benefits to breastfeeding are small and short-term, so there's no reason for any mother who chooses formula-feeding to feel guilty at all.

And for chrissake, can we stop with this "liquid gold" mantra? It's just milk. Sure, it's your milk, and as someone who relactated, I can appreciate how much each drop matters to a mother. But it is just milk. This nomenclature serves only to humiliate and vilify mothers who feed their babies infant formula, whether by choice or by circumstance.

You're doing great, mama. Absolutely wonderfully. Don't let anyone tell you otherwise, and know that you have the WHO (and me!) on your side. ♥


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05 November 2014

Indigo Children and the "Don't Say No" generation

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Everyone wants to think their child is special, out of the ordinary, even gifted. Often, these terms are attached to children by way of their parents, who would like the rest of the world to see their children the same way and to treat them accordingly.

Bet you all can tell where this post is going! :)

I've been informed recently by a friend that there is such thing in the New Age community as Indigo Children, defined as children believed to possess special, unusual, and sometimes supernatural traits or abilities. The term, coined in the 1970s by self-professed psychic Nancy Ann Tappe, comes from her supposed ability to see auras and her noticing that those born after around 1978 exhibit what she called "indigo auras". Some traits of indigo children include thing like:

  1. They are born feeling and knowing they are special and should be revered.
  2. An indigo knows they belong here as they are and expect you to realize it as well.
  3. These children are more confident and have a higher sense of self-worth.
  4. Absolute authority, the kind with no choices, negotiation, or input from them does not sit well. The educational system is a good example.
  5. Some of the rules we so carefully followed as children seem silly to them and they fight them. Rigid ritualistic systems are considered archaic to an indigo child. They feel everything should be given creative thought.
  6. They are insightful and often have a better idea of method then what has been in place for years. This makes them seem like "system busters."
  7. Adults often view an indigo as anti-social unless they are with other indigos. Often they feel lost and misunderstood, which causes them to go within.
  8. The old control methods like, "Wait till your father gets home," have no affect on these children.
  9. The fulfillment of their personal needs is important to them, and they will let you know.

(via...  yeah, highly reputable source, right there)

It should be noted that, according to Tappe, at least 90% of children under the age of ten are, in fact, indigo children.

It comes as no surprise to most people that I'm not one of your typical New Agers (and yes, in some ways, I do fit this mold), notably in that I am a strong proponent of rationalism, the scientific method, and the academic establishment. While there are some philosophies that rub me the wrong way, most of them are harmless, and affect no one but the believer (and maybe that person's faithful followers).

The idea of "indigo children" in particular really gets my goat. I get that people want to think that their children are special; shit, I'm guilty of wanting that once in a while. Placing the moniker "indigo child" on them, though, seeks to separate them from their peers, notably because of unproven "abilities" or "traits" that, in reality, are byproducts of being children.

In designating children as "indigo", parents willingly and blindly believe that their child is special not only to them, but to the entire world, and thus deserving of myriad rewards by society as a whole. In other words, it creates a sense of entitlement.

Let's take the original list, for instance. There are at least five instances of entitlement in that list alone, not the least of which are "knowing they are special and should be revered" and "they will let you know" that "the fulfillment of their personal needs is important to them". Most of these traits are exhibited in children as young as my own, and he's not even two yet. By their very nature, children are entitled little demons people.

The bad thing isn't noticing these traits, but treating them as something that sets them apart from their peers, something to be encouraged. It creates a generation of, to be quite frank, incredibly bratty children and permissive parents.

Indigo children and "yes-parenting", I've noticed, tend to go hand-in-hand. You know those types of parents: They say their children are expressing themselves through scissors if they cut through your laptop charger, that they're precocious and curious about things if they rifle through and destroy the contents of your purse, that they're outgoing if they jump all over your furniture and torture the dog. There's no discipline, no rules, and most of all... no criticism or repercussions of their special snowflake's actions.

Matt and I are quintessential "no" parents (him more so than me, I'll admit). Saying "no" to children isn't a bad thing; rather, it teaches children important lessons such as how to deal with disappointment, time management, work-play balance, and the art of the argument. You can ask my parents how well the last one in particular went over in their experience!

Saying "no" is especially appropriate for younger children, notably because they have no sense of self-discipline and need it from outside sources... the parents! Discipline has be relabeled instead as "Positive Guidance" to deter parents away from the negative connotation that "discipline" brings with it, but the idea is the same: To guide a child with gentle discipline, acknowledging the child's feelings, and letting them know that "no" is not a four-letter word.

Your children may be special to you, but on the whole, your children are not special to the world. Treating them as such does a great disservice both to them and to society, who has to then deal with grown adults who are incapable of and unwilling to self-discipline themselves, instead seeing the world as their oyster and how dare anyone get in their ways.

...

On another note, having to do with misplaced labeling of children: It concerns me that parents are willing to tack on the title of "indigo child" to children who may in fact have a disorder such as ADD/ADHD, autism, or even narcissism, and who let them go without treatment appropriate to that disorder. I understand that these other labels are medical and scary and, on a New Age level, negative... I get that. It's far more appealing to call them a more positive-sounding "indigo child" and just let them be.

But doing this delays or even prevents proper diagnosis and treatment, and is to their detriment.

(And don't even get me started on Jenny McCarthy's involvement, what with her "crystal child" and her being an "indigo mom" and other such malarkey.)

So please, talk to your doctor if your child appears to have signs or symptoms that point to such a disorder or with any other concerns. You may be doing your child a great disservice refusing treatments that may help him or her lead a normal life.


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28 October 2014

Wunjo... bring you joy.

This past weekend, members of Central Maryland Pagans gathered to celebrate Samhain with ritual, ancestors, and good food. Considering it had been about two years since I had seen my friends from this group, I was elated to finally see them again and revel in their energy and love. That in itself made my entire day, and the ritual hadn't even begun yet!

The ritual itself was led by Katrina Messenger of Reflections Mystery School, and I have to say, I hope it's not our last experience with her! She was effervescent, a strong speaker bearing vast knowledge, joyful from the inside out.

Oh, how I hope to follow in her footsteps. :)

Speaking of footsteps, during the ritual, we were led through a trance that had us connect to our ancestors. I had done this a couple times, but with limited success -- I'm not sure if it was a mental block or lack of experience or what, but it had admittedly been a while anyway and I was wary based on getting... pretty close to nothing.

So to say I was skeptical was an understatement, but I went along with it and sat on the cold slate ground with my knees tucked up under my armpits and a tealight candle cupped in my fingers, waiting for... well, who knows what I was waiting for, but I was ready to accept whatever it was that was offered to me.

Imagine my surprise when the trance came more easily than I thought it would. Perhaps it's because the veil is thinner and my ancestors were happy to meet me, or I was somehow more receptive to everything than before. Without going into great detail, though, I can say that this experience was eye-opening and allowed me to see far more than I ever thought possible.

One interesting thing was that there were no spoken words. Sure, people's mouths were moving and there was commotion all around caused by (what I perceived to be) laughter and dancing, but I couldn't actually understand anything said. I'm sure they sensed this, so at some point, they started filling up a great basin with water, which revealed within a symbol I had never seen before:

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I was confused, but figured they were trying to get a message to me without actually having to "speak" (at least, not in a language I would have understood). The symbolism meant little to me, too -- why water? why surrounded by all that laughter? why can no one explain this?!

I mulled over it the remainder of the ritual. It wasn't really bothering me, per se, but it was definitely weighing on my mind, as this is the first clear-as-day message I've ever received from another world. Quite frankly, it scared me a bit.

After the ritual concluded, I approached a friend and asked if she could identify it for me, as I imagined it was a rune:

"It was kind of shaped like this..." I explained, holding my fingers up to make a sharp-pointed P.
"Oh, hold on, I think I have that one," my friend said as she went through her rune tattoos and jewelry. She finally landed on one and pointed to it. "This one?"
Excited, I said, "Yes, that's the one! What does it mean?"
"Oh, that's Wunjo," she replied. "It's a happy rune!"

I was determined after that to find out what it was (though I have to admit, it kind of settled me already that it was a happy message that was communicated to me, ha!), so right after putting Tycho down for the night, I set to my internet research.

Wunjo ("won-joe") literally means "joy", with an esoteric meaning of hope, harmony, and perfection. Its element is ice or water, is associated with Odin and Frigg, and corresponds to astrological sign Leo. It also signifies happiness, light, and emotional satisfaction.

... okay, so that's all well and good. So why did it appear on my journey?!

Further reflection revealed that the answer literally surrounded me as my ancestors laughed, danced, and expressed their own joy with me. I felt welcomed, accepted, even joyous in their presence, and as they filled the basin I held with water and the Wunjo rune (later, I recalled that it was the tealight they were filling), it started to overflow with the same.

As the 14th Dalai Lama said, "Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions." I've known many people who want so much to find happiness, chasing those things and people around them that they believe will bring them what they so sorely desire. After all, one's typical "make me happy" list includes things like a partner in life and material things.

However, you know that sense of satisfaction you get when you finish a project, accomplish a goal, finally end something that you put your blood and sweat and tears into? Imagine that feeling. Blissful, isn't it! You created something great, and you can revel in the fact that you and you alone did it, by virtue of your own motivation and desire for success.

These feelings are the essence of Wunjo: That joy is manifested not through things outside you, but within you.

I like to think myself as a joyful person (ahem... hence, the name of this blog!), so to find that my ancestors were the same for the most part should not come as a surprise to me. I feel that they are the influence to how I am today, and that on my journey through life, they are always there to fill my cup to abundance with happiness, contentment, and blessed joyfulness.

And of course, they're there to remind me that, like they are within and live through me, so should my joyfulness. :)

So for that... thank you, ancestors, for showing me from where joy is truly manifested. Thank you for your guidance and your endless showering -- sometimes literally! -- of bounty and happiness in my life, and may my cup overflow so that others around me are surrounded by the same.

(bliss) he enjoys who knows not suffering, sorrow nor anxiety,
and has prosperity and happiness and a good enough house.

17 October 2014

Ah shit.

Tycho's daycare provider was telling me this morning that he started saying "ah shit" at multiple times during the day yesterday. She did say that he was using it in context, though, so that's one positive. :)
I knew that this text would one day come, but against my better judgment, I didn't think it'd come so soon. I was an "early cusser", too (my parents have me on video at a year old saying "bullshit, AJ" after said AJ took a toy from my hands), and considering both my mouth and Matt's, as well as previous posts on this very subject, this day was going to be upon us sooner rather than later.

Fortunately, he used it in context, so at least we've got that going for us!

From the mouths of (incredibly, insanely cute) babes...

I'm sure the daycare provider brought it up to us as a point of concern, and I can see why: Other kids can hear and emulate it, and they'll likely bring it home to their parents. Parents who, I'll bet you everything I've got, would be far less tickled by their new vocabulary, regardless of correct context.

If it isn't evident already, Matt and I are okay with letting a little "foul language" reach our son's ears. For the most part, we use these words sparingly and in response to a stimuli that, quite frankly, deserves some strong words. So far, we've been fortunate that Tycho has been too concerned with the sounds certain animals make to worry about picking up a few fucks here and there.

Other than the word itself, though, what does it matter if he says "ah shit", "ah shoot", "ah noodles", or any other variation? The message conveyed is the same, and it's seriously just a word. It's not like some demonic dragon is going to awaken at the utterance of a "bad" word, even if that utterance is made by a toddler.

Honestly, my bigger concern is with other words, like "hate" or "stupid", words that have not yet entered Tycho's vocabulary and that I want to prevent him from saying as long as possible. While they're not "bad" words, as brusque dismissals of people, ideas, and experiences, they should certainly be! When I hear a child call someone or something "stupid", I can't help but think that child is far too cynical for his age and could probably learn a bit about common decency and giving things the old college try.

Is this to say that I never call things "stupid" or never say that I "hate" something? No, I do, though unlike my sailor mouth, I try to curb those before they pass my lips, notably in front of my son. I don't want to discourage Tycho from trying something new or meeting a new person because doing so is "stupid" or because he "hates" it before even attempting it. I want him to experience everything, even those things he may dislike, for the sake of trying it. For the sake of living it!

So do I really fucking care if my son drops the f-bomb or uses "ah shit" appropriately? What the fuck does it fucking matter. It's just a word, and so long as it's not directed at someone, the only downside is that it's not polite. I'd rather Tycho not focus on being so fake that he won't speak freely, including curse words.

But words like "hate" or "stupid"... those words are meant only to disparage. Those words are the real curse.

No, seriously!!


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15 October 2014

The calling is getting louder than my fears.

This is going to be the blogging equivalent of Vaguebooking, and for that, I apologize in advance. :) While right now is not the time for details, I do just need to get some of this off my chest before I explode.

For the past couple years, I've felt a pretty intense calling to ministry of some sort, wanting to help people celebrate their joyous occasions and get through their more difficult ones by focusing on being a mentor and spiritual consult. I'm in the process now of creating a new venture based off of that called Intertwinings, but it's still in its infancy. You're welcome to check out and like my Facebook page in the meantime, but there's literally nothing on it yet. ;)

But recently, I've felt another, incredibly unrelenting calling that has shocked me to my core. I hesitate getting into that right now and will elaborate further when the timing is right (that is, when I finally take the leap and go for it already); all I'm ready to say is that it's persistent, it's nagging, and at this point, it's finally gotten loud enough to drown out some of my fears.

Granted, not all of them: Even just the thought of embarking on this journey is scaring the shit out of me. The time and commitment are two, of course, considering how busy I am already... but the most daunting is the possibility of learning that I was wrong all along. That the path I've been taking, while it's been a revealing stepping stone, was just that... a stepping stone.

And what's in store is far, far greater than I could have ever imagined.

So... wish me luck, y'all. I'll tell more soon, I promise, but in the meantime, I'd appreciate any encouragement and sharing of similar experiences that you may have had in your life. :)


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10 October 2014

Anahata, realizing some people are assholes, and surrounding yourself with good.

One thing we've been focusing on lately in yoga is opening up the heart chakra. Sounds like a bunch of crunchy granola esoteric shit, I know... and that's because it kind of is. :) But bear with me for a bit.


The fourth primary chakra, Anahata (Sanskrit: à¤…नाहत) or the "heart" chakra, is associated with the ability to make decisions outside the realm of karma. I'm sure you're familiar with the phrase "follow your heart", which encourages someone to make decisions not based on unfulfilled emotions, but on one's higher self.

We've been doing poses this month to open up this chakra if desired, notably Camel (Ushtransana), Cobra (Bhujangasana), and a "flying" kundalini yoga exercise where arms are raised to a T and the heart pushes forward as the arms go back. During the practice, we're also asked to consider:

  • ♥ What emotional memories do I need to heal?
  • ♥ What relationships, current or past, require healing?
  • ♥ Are my emotional wounds taking over, causing me to try and control people or situations around me?
  • ♥ Do I allow the wounds of others to control me? How do I let it happen?
  • ♥ What do I need to forgive myself for? Who needs forgiving from me?

These poses have been done in conjunction with the Loving Kindness meditation, which I went over previously. (Ignore the broken images... trying to fix that!)

What's especially difficult about these poses is not the actual muscle it takes, as sometimes it doesn't take much at all, but that your heart is completely exposed and leaves you open to feeling something you may just not want to feel at the time. It's very hard to open up like that, especially if your heart is scarred from being hurt by others, betrayal, or other negativity that you hold within yourself. Your heart becomes hardened to the world and against allowing others (and yourself!) in, and it can be very scary to try to break down those walls, as doing so may open you up to more isolation and pain.

I've noticed in my own life is that I can be a rather open person to most people. I invite others in willingly, extend my heart out, and generally try to be as friendly and effervescent as possible. Sure, I get hurt here and there, but in the grand scheme, leaving my heart open to new people is generally a positive experience.

But if there's anything I've been struggling with recently, it's learning to let go of those moments where people bring their negativity to a relationship... notably where those two people have never actually met. Even more, learning not to take it personally when harm is done, as why would you take to heart something said by some internet personality! It's especially difficult when they make themselves a martyr to your social networking circles.


I came across an article recently about why people are such assholes on the internet. (I love, by the way, that the title is flanked by the amount of time it takes to read. Just 8 minutes!) One notable point made was that we become intellectually lazy on social media, choosing not to view the person as an individual but to make assumptions and lump them into stereotypes of groups with which we disagree if they say something we don't like.

That, and there's the power of the reputation within a social group, also discussed in the article. There's the desire to be accepted and lauded by your peers, even to someone's detriment, if there are people picking apart every word you say, and the chances of being more defensive about a position skyrocket as a result. I see it all the time on Facebook and, more rarely but just as deeply, on personal blogs.

Have I been subject to this? Absolutely! As a blogger and admittedly fervent Facebook user, I'm often at least witness to these types of things, and once in a rare occasion, I'm actually a part of the drama. I can name a few off the top of my head, and I'll be straightforward in saying they are often the subject of my Loving Kindness meditation for the "difficult" person.

They're typically people, though, that I've never met in real life, and for people I don't actually know outside the persona they've made in their social networks, I certainly allow them to take up a lot of headspace. More, I'd say, than I do people I know in person.

It's definitely something I need to learn to let go, especially since they're probably not paying me the same mind, you know? And if they are, they're likely tormenting themselves as well with this "clogging up" of headspace that could be taken up by better, more productive things.

So in practicing these heart-opening poses and meditations, I'm trying to learn to simply... let go. It's incredibly difficult, and it opens yourself to possibly more hurt, but in the long run, it's a positive experience that will lead to more fulfilling relationships and experiences. Take a little hurt now, live a better life after.


I'm also learning to, quite frankly, not give a fuck. :) That headspace could be much better utilized, so why focus on those things that likely have no effect on anyone else and give a fuck about yourself and those who actually matter first! How do I go about doing this?

1. Know your values. Determine what's important, what isn't, and what you're ultimately aiming to get out of life. Once you know what those all are, what other people think of you becomes significantly less important, and you can have something you truly value: Something to believe in. Get your values straight, get your shit straight.

2. Put yourself out there! I already do this by Facebook, blogging, and even in real life social circles, but the bigger dare is to be honest with yourself and what you share. Don't censor yourself simply because someone may not like what you have to say (while also realizing that not every molehill is a mountain).

3. Surround yourself with pros. Not just people who are badass at what they do, but those who are a "pro" addition to your life rather than a "con". I'd say this one is of UTMOST importance, if only because it'll help you find happiness if you surround yourself with it. Find people who are self-assured and who live their lives without compromising their own core values, and you'll find that they quickly rub off on you!

4. Create a bucket list, and actually work to complete it. I actually have something similar, my 40 Before 40 list, to provide some inspiration. Add a couple things to it that will push you to your limits, too, don't just make it all whimsical! Your list should push you to reach new goals, realize what's important in your life, and challenge you to be your best.

5. Travel alone. If you're like me -- with a family, career, and other obligations -- this one may be on hold for a while, but it's something everyone should experience once in their lives. It'll force you into new social cultures, break some norms you didn't know existed, and ultimately force you out of your own little bubble. (And for me, at least... do it on a motorcycle! If only because it's badass!)

And, if you so choose, open your heart to new experiences and new people, knowing full well that you may be hurt once in a while... but that those positive relationships will stick with you for a lifetime.

Namaste. :)


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07 October 2014

It's In the Cards (blast from the past!)

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Man, is this some old stuff. Back in 2009, I wrote a post as an Orlando Young Paganism Examiner on a tarot reading I had Samhain 2008. Note that I haven't edited any of this, so the writing may be sub-par at best, but it was a very meaningful reading that I still love thinking back to.

And now, with the moon full, a pending eclipse, and the cooler autumn breeze, I feel the need to share it again. Enjoy! :)

Earth is in transition, changing from the plentiful harvests of Fall to the beginning of the dead season of Winter. The Celts called this changing of the seasons Samhain (pronounced sow-en), and would hail in the changing of time by gathering in the rest of the harvest, honoring the gods that gave them their bounty, and lighting bonfires to light the way for their ancestors. During Samhain, or Halloween, the veil between the world of the living and that of the deceased reaches its thinnest, providing ample opportunities for divination and scrying via crystal balls or mirrors. Tarot reading, a way of divining the future using elaborate pictures on cards that was developed in 15th Century Italy, is a common way to interpret certain aspects of a person’s life during this holiday. As a Pagan, I am not only familiar with the art of Tarot reading, but engage in the practice wholeheartedly once Samhain rolls around.

This year, I had the pleasure of getting my cards read at the annual Samhain Festival, a celebration of those who have passed on and for those who are still living, hosted by the Red Hills Pagan Council in Tallahassee. The setup was beautiful: under the sprawling oak trees between the two Park Avenues was a reflection labyrinth made of candles in paper bags, leading to an oracle in the middle; a group of women reading tarot cards by light of candles and with incense burning on the tables; and an altar to pay respects to our ancestors. The altar was made from the May Oak, a once-legendary tree that towered above all the other oaks. It has been reduced to nothing more than a stump, but the RHPC decorated it with white cloths and a cauldron, illuminated by a candle, in the center. About fifty tea lights were arranged around the top of the altar by those who wished to honor those who had passed, along with slips of paper with their relatives’ names. In the corner stood a figurine of a skeletal groom and bride, the novios of Dia De Los Muertos. It made the night feel magical, looking at the altar and the dozens of candles illuminating the park.

I took a tea light and a slip of paper from a basket next to the altar, and wrote the names of my aunt, grandfather, and orchestra conductor on it. After having lit a candle and reflecting a bit on my personal life, then placing it among the menagerie of candles already brightening the altar, I joined a few friends from the Pagan Student Association. One member had an extra cup of hot apple cider, and handed it to me. I thanked her and gripped the cup, the steaming liquid warming the cup and my hands. It must have been about forty degrees that night, and I was just able to make out my breath. Eva, the PSA president, encouraged me to have my cards read, since she had hers done and was impressed with the reading. So I meandered over to the Tarot tables and saw an empty one underneath a huge oak tree. There was a beautiful Witch sitting there, with short brown hair and a heavy mauve velvet cape, arranging her candles and setting up her cards on a table covered with a white altar cloth. I noticed her earrings, a combination of pentacles and gemstones hanging from her ears, and saw that she was a Pagan herself. She looked up and smiled as I approached her table.

Are you still doing readings?” I asked, aware that the Festival was almost over. One of the other readers had already packed up her cards and candles.

“Oh, of course!” she replied, smiling warmly and touching her deck. “Why don’t you have a seat? Take these cards, shuffle them as you will, and tell me what you want to know. Then put them in three different piles, ” she said, laying her hand on the table.

She handed me her deck, which felt warm in my hands compared to the cold surrounding me. They were light blue with herbs in the shape of a circle on the back. I started to shuffle and, with my hands occupied, began to talk.

“Well, ” I said, feeling the cards slide against each other as I shuffled, “I’ve been curious about what’s going to happen after college. I want to go to grad school, or begin a career, or… I really don’t know. I’m torn as to what to do and where to go after graduation. There’s so much to think about, and I want to know whether or not I’m making the right decision, or if the right decision will come to me.” I breathed in, smelling the incense she had beside the small card table – lavender, for peace of mind – and let the air out slowly. I returned to the cards in my hands and, somehow feeling that they were in their proper places, I separated them into three piles as she instructed.

The Witch put her hands on each of the piles as she said, “This one is going to represent your past, this your present situation, and the last, your future. We’ll start at the beginning, ” she said, smiling again, “and get to the best part last.” I grinned back at her, eager to get the reading started.

PAST: King of Pentacles - inverted

Spreading some of my Past pile out, she picked a card and organized the deck again. Flipping it over revealed a King of Pentacles card, turned upside down. “Hmm… interesting, ” she mused, putting the card in front of me.

It showed a regal king dressed in a dark purple cape, with a wreath of holly around his head. He was sitting in the woods on a large stone, looking at the sun against a bright blue sky and balancing a yellow pentacle, a five-pointed star within a circle, upon his knee; he looked like he was contemplating the best move to make to best serve his kingdom’s inhabitants.

The personality of the King of Pentacles card combines the pentacle’s representation of earth, a sign of grounded thoughts and maturity concerning life’s circumstances, and the outward, progressive movement of the king. When inverted, the card means the opposite, an imbalance in some aspect of the person’s life and regression.

“This one, ” she said, pointing to it, “shows that you were in some sort of balance with yourself. However, since it’s inverted, your life was somehow thrown off-kilter with the presence of a masculine energy. Rather than helping you when you were younger, this masculine energy did the opposite, pulling you back and disrupting your equilibrium.” I looked at her, stunned, as an image of my father came to mind. Though he is my father, we never had a true connection. In fact, the only time that we really talked was when it concerned my future, and often times it was riddled with what I should and shouldn’t do. Most of the advice was common sense, but once I started making decisions on my own, such as changing my major at college or pursuing my own religious path, things often became nasty.

“So, I guess we didn’t raise you right, huh?” he would accuse me. “Nothing I say is ever good enough for you. You never want to take our advice, and go off and do whatever it is you want. Well, fine; figure it out on your own, then.” My father went back to his ice cream and football, an instant dismissal of my presence.

After that day, over three years ago, I swore to never heed anything he said again. His words were too hurtful to ignore.

“But, ” she started again, making me shake my head out of the reverie and back to the present, “this can always be remedied by a balancing force. So, let’s look to your present situation.”

PRESENT: Queen of Wands crossed with Pan

She took the second pile and surveyed them for a moment, then said, “Let’s go with the top one.” As she flipped the card, her face lit up with excitement. “Well, here we go! Your balance!” Next to the King, the Witch put down the Queen of Wands.

A stark contrast to the king, this queen seemed attached to the very nature that surrounded her. She stood at the bottom of a hill, fingering a leaf of raspberry hanging all around her, and the orange-red of the raspberries matched her long peasant-like dress. She also wore a purple cape and a length of rope around her waist, with a staff in her left hand and a feathered headband across her forehead. Her long dark hair flowed behind her shoulders.

Associated with the Queen of Wands are the wand’s positive fiery passions and the Queen’s inward focus and introspection. Wands show an exceptional aptitude for the mystical and the occult, and since it is the Queen who holds a large wand in her hand, the energy flow is feminine or Goddess-like. The Queen is notorious for her cheer and good will, and is energetic and wholehearted when it comes to others. When paired with the King of Pentacles, she represents a balance between masculine and feminine forces.

“This is very interesting, and just what I was hoping for!” She grew more excited as she fingered the card, pointing to the gorgeous Queen under raspberry leaves. “See, you have this ability to truly assert yourself, become the woman you were meant to be, and will have the powers of Spirit on your side. Your goals thus far have been met, and they show a passion for wanting to achieve more in the future. And here, ” she said, pointing to a white cat behind the Queen that I just noticed, “is a white cat. It’s telling me that you have true intentions towards everything that you do, and that your passions are closely tied to innocent love and purity, which will be behind you always.”

When I finally left home to pursue college, there were a few times when my father would try to interfere with my life, teetering between cutting me off financially and disowning me completely due to my aforementioned decisions. Rather than live under the constant pressure of eventually losing my parents, I decided to make a life for myself. Now, almost four years later, I am completely independent, managing my own insurance, money affairs, college education, and life. While they aren’t happy with it, my parents are coming to the realization that I’m not bending over backwards to please them all the time when, quite honestly, I have myself to make happy.

It didn’t come instantly, though. There were a lot of times when I would cry myself to sleep, simultaneously hoping to gain their love and promising never to see them again. It took a lot of inner strength to admit that I come first in my own life, and that I decided whom to make a part of it. If my parents, and namely my father, wanted no part in the independent woman they raised, I certainly wasn’t going to force them. There was a lot of heartache when I realized that I may be distancing myself from my family forever, but becoming my own person, making my own decisions, and living out my own life has made me happier than I could have ever imagined. And I now have nowhere else to go but up.

The Witch turned back to the deck and took another card off the top, then crossed it over the Queen. It was Pan, one of the Major Arcana. The Major Arcana is a group of 22 cards, usually regarded as relating to matters of higher purpose or deep significance, and depicts those of great power, such as the Priestess and Death. His goat legs (as Pan is half man, half beast) were crossed, and he sat on the ground surrounded by Lobelia, an herb that represents love, and fire, the element of desire. “Do you know about Pan?” she asked.

I shook my head. “Not too much; I know he’s known for passions, too.”

“Right, ” she said. “Pan being here is also quite interesting; as he’s crossed with the Queen, he’s supposed to represent a roadblock, a deterrent to your goals. But since the Queen is already driven to succeed (and succeed she will!), he’s more for assistance, a leg-up. In fact, ” she said, going back to my Past and flipping around the King, “he may be what’s going to put you into equilibrium again with men in your life. Perhaps there is another man who seeks your attentions, and this time you give it willingly because you see a positive force in him. See here, Pan’s holding a star.” She indicated a dark blue star in between Pan’s hands. “Another sign of grounding. He’s telling you to not look back at the Past and its pulls back to deception and hardships, but to look towards the present… and the future.”

My feet were able to plant a little more firmly with the help of my boyfriend Matt. Though I had a rocky relationship with my father, a relationship that put me on edge with every man I ever met, Matt was supportive, attentive, and receptive to my feelings and aspirations. He was, and always has been, my solid ground, and proved it when once my father called to leave a nasty message. That afternoon, Matt wiped away my tears and held me in his loving arms. He is my present, and my future.

“Let’s see how your future is going to be shaped, okay? So far, so good!” I grinned at her, hoping for the best to be seen for what’s to come.

FUTURE: Suspended Person, Page of Cups

Taking two cards from the middle of the pile, she took a look at them, and then put them at the end of the table. Her drawing produced the Suspended Person, another Major Arcana, and the Page of Cups.

The Suspended Person, yet another Major Arcana, is peacefully shown upside down in water surrounded by kelp, showing a love for water and aquatic endeavors. There is a grounded feeling in the water, and though the Person is upside down, he feels at ease and serene among the kelp. The Page of Cups brings opportunities of love and great joy. It is also associated with the achieving of one’s desires and receiving guidance from within, a strong psychologically and spiritually linked card.

“Do you like water?” she asked, taking me a little off-guard.

“Well… yeah, ” I replied, “I love the water. I’m a Scorpio, and have lived by water almost my entire life. It’s my goal to live on the ocean.”

The Witch nodded tranquilly, showing her own love of water. “Right here, with the Suspended Person, you’ve got a huge possibility of being able to live that dream. He’s showing peacefulness in water, but be careful!” She poked the card with her finger. “Don’t thrash around and let things worry you too much; you could get caught up in all this kelp. And that’s the last thing you want, because then you won’t be the Suspended Person… you’ll be the Hanged Man.” I laughed at her little quip, and she joined in.

She then turned to the Page of Cups. “You must have a male friend in your life, ” she said, wiggling her eyebrows at me, “and the Page is letting you know that you’ve got a keeper. But don’t let him control your life. The Page is balanced at the moment, with one foot in the water – another sign that you’re meant to be there – and the other in the Cup, a representation of earth and grounding yet again. So don’t let this guy control your life; you need to take hold of the reins if you want to achieve your goals and get ahead. But since you’re balanced here, you’ll also know when to stand back and give him some of the limelight as well. I see a very balanced relationship here.”

Matt and I have been discussing what to do after graduation for almost a year now. My goal is to attend grad school and receive an MFA in Creative Writing, while his was to go for a job that could grant him access into any engineering company after a couple of years. Though we each had our separate goals, we both agreed that it would be easier to achieve both and still be happy if we remained in Florida, namely in Orlando. I could attend University of Central Florida, and he could work at one of several companies in the area.

Recently, though, he has been talking more and more about moving out to California, which presented a lot of problems on my end. Since I depended on scholarships, grants and loans to go to college, going to a school in state would enable me to get a degree and not be in further debt after graduation. UCF offers an MFA degree in under $10, 000, which would be amazing. But if we moved to California, I would have to be out of school for a year or more to gain residency and be eligible for in-state tuition, and my chances of earning scholarships or grants would go down since I didn’t attend grad school right out of my undergraduate program.

Sometimes Matt has the tendency to call me indecisive, but I don’t think he realizes that I’m that way because I want us both to do what we would like, and often times, that means I need to change my future plans to coincide with his. So I told him that, though I love him dearly, I am staying in Florida to get my MFA. If he wants to pursue California, I will be with him in two years… or he can stay with me in Orlando while I get my degree. In the fight to become less “indecisive”, I need to make these decisions for myself and stick to my guns. After a few arguments, he relented, seeing that my desire to earn an MFA doesn’t necessarily come before him, but to create a better life for us in a couple years, it would be beneficial to do so. With this, he is now debating as to whether or not he wants to pursue a graduate degree at the same university as well!

She gathered the remaining cards, leaving mine on the table for me to look at again. “You’ve got something going for you, ” she said. “Not very many readings that I do are quite this positive. Spirit definitely is watching over you.”

Afterwards, I took the Witch’s hand in my own and thanked her abundantly for everything she had read for me. She took my hand in hers, looked straight into my eyes with her soft brown ones, and said, “Goddess bless. You have a very bright future ahead of you, as the spirits have shown you tonight. I wish you the best of luck with everything you do.”

I thanked her again for the reading and her blessings, and rose from the table. My legs shook as I tried to stand, a product of my being overwhelmed with the accuracy and good fortune the cards held. Though I realize tarot is namely an interpretive art, there is a gift in being able to subjectively see your life written out in images and coming to conclusions about one’s own life. I believe because I interpret my life as I do the cards: I see things around me, survey what happens in my everyday, and know that there is someone watching over me, protecting and guiding me through this torrential life.

Regaining my balance, I went across the darkened green to join my friends. As I walked, I looked up to see the waxing moon hanging high in the sky, lingering with the stars against the royal blue sky. Staring at her, my Goddess always looking out for me, I smiled and internally gave her my blessings. There is a peace in knowing that she will always be there, suspended above me, waiting for my glance.

Beside her, a star twinkled.


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06 October 2014

MommyCon Philadelphia: A Photo Review

This past weekend, we gathered the family, packed up a few articles of clothing, and head out to Philadelphia for MommyCon! Tycho slept the whole way there (then didn't sleep at all the rest of the day...), and when we arrived, we were surrounded by moms, babies, and general excitement!

Matt skedaddled right out of there. ;)

Here are some pictures from MommyCon, including what we got in our swag bag (VIP FTW). It was an absolute blast, whether you're expecting, have a toddler like we do, or your kids are grown. I'll definitely be doing it next year when it comes to DC!

(Please excuse the cell phone pictures. I did bring the good camera, but we got to Philly and Matt opened the camera up, only to find a dead battery and no SD card, sooooo.)


Donuts before hitting the road! They were a big hit, lol.



Registration! We got there about 15 minutes late and it was already pretty packed.


Official signage! Note the unicorn...


There was a really cool art exhibit thing on the ceiling that Tycho loved.


During one of the discussions from The Leaky Boob, we ended up winning a giraffe thing! Cool part was that it was a backpack crammed with goodies -- I have that swag at the bottom of this post. The rolling mouse was by far Tycho's favorite. :)





Got to meet Jenn Labit of Cotton Babies (and learned that her name is pronounced "la-bee", lol). Totally sweet gal, and Tycho was just ENAMORED. A friend pointed out later that he was probably confused because of her hair. Apparently we could be sisters...?



He was giving Jenn this look THE WHOLE TIME. It was adorable.


"Hello, room service? I'd like some nenes, please!"


After a crazy night's sleep, we're back at MommyCon! ERMAHGERD SO MANY BABBYS


Some of the vendors. I'm sure y'all recognize quite a few!




Babywearing World Record time! Apparently we broke the record! :)



Playtime means Mommy finally puts me down! (I think even HE was a little tired of babywearing after this weekend, ha!)


Kisses for the camera. 


Finding one's belly button is a great time-killer while in line at Panera.

On the second day, Matt took Tycho for the second half, leaving me 100% free to check out the booths and talk to some of the vendors. I went to a ton of different booths for carseat advice, inquiries into adult amber, discussing fenugreek tinctures with a mama who ended up being local (Crofton wassup!), and got some Baby Your Ink balm after raving about tattoos with a couple lovely ladies!


WANT! DROOL. WANT SO BADLY.


The Clek comes with this folding travel bag through 11 October. Again... WANT.


This dude was giving out actual starter packs of Kiinde Twist milk storage systems! I saw these while I was relactating and really wanted to get them, but the price tag was pretty up there (these starter packs retail around $40). But I got one, then another after the convention was closing up and they were giving out the rest! Possible Eventual Baby #2 will be pumpin' and eatin' in style...


One vendor had these Motherlove More Milk Special Blend pills... seriously, just one vendor. When I saw they had them, I about cried, as I depend on these for breastfeeding and I FORGOT MINE at home! So thankful someone had them!



Okay, these Mixie bottles are the absolute coolest and made me wish I had known about them while we were FFing Tycho. You fill the containers of these bottles with formula and put on the popping lid, then screw that to the bottom; water is then poured into the top. When you're ready to feed baby, you push the bottom, the popping lid pops off, and you shake the formula and water together! Demos are available on their site. AMAZING!



This woman gave a whole discussion on being a Mompreneur while juggling her two kids. Amazing... I can barely hold a conversation with just one baby. ;)


Honest Toddler talk! She was hilarious.




I absolutely loved this presentation given by the Car Seat Lady.


And The Baby Guy NYC gave out these awesome prizes! (Nothing won here -- and one of the numbers was ONE OFF from mine!! -- but it was a good time, anyway!)


Finally, Beco did something amazing and gave away 200 baby carriers to two babywearing organizations that provide structured and other carriers to military families and families in need. Such an incredible cause and an incredible gift from Beco!

As suddenly as it started, the Con was over! We had a bit of time on our hands before dinnertime, so we cruised around the city and took in the sights. Our impression of Philly: It's pretty awesome, kind of like a NYC Lite, but man... there were a lot of homeless.





BURGERS



Pretty much everyone had had a long weekend by this point. But we were all in high spirits. ;)



He kept saying "big bid!" for "big building!"



Jesus took our picture at the iconic LOVE statue. (Seriously. Jesus. A man of God who asked for tips as he took our cameras and gave them back. It was strange...)


CHEESE


And finally, the SWAG. Yo, if y'all ever go to a MommyCon, definitely get the VIP tickets. They're a bit pricey (Philly was $135 per person for the two days), but check out everything you get! We had a few duplicates, too, as they were just handing out half-full gift bags by the handful at the end of the conference.


I can't even begin to list everything in here, so if you have any questions or want to see something in greater detail, let me know!


Remember those lovely inked ladies I was telling you about? This is what I got from them. TOTALLY stoked for my Tycho's armillary tattoo idea now, especially since they recommended an awesome studio not far from where we live.


And here's what was in the giraffe bag that Tycho won! I've been wanting to try out the Reflo cup, so I was STOKED when it came in that bag.

All in all, this was an amazing conference with great mamas and tons of information. If you're planning on going next year to DC, let me know, we'll have to meet up! :)


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