Matt and I are self-admitted militant potty-mouths, sometimes swearing to such an extent as to make a sailor proud (though not quite blush). We've been wondering recently whether it was right or wrong to release a few f-bombs, shit-talks, or other goddamn dirty words around Tycho during moments of anger, pain, joy, or just for the fuck of it, especially since any attempts to curb our language have been nothing short of hilarious and somewhat embarrassing in our complete inability to catch ourselves until the swear escapes our lips.
Though I have slowed down on "motherfucker", if only because it's caught a whole new meaning since becoming a mother... ;)
I grew up in a house where "damn" was considered a curse word, and my sister and I totally got soap in our mouths after calling each other a "fucking bitch" (oh yes, we were feisty at seven and eight). But I like to say that my mouth started at a year, when I uttered a very clear "bullshit" to another year-old friend who had stolen one of my blocks.
We've held fast to the belief that swearing around Tycho isn't necessarily a bad thing; while we wouldn't want him cursing just about anywhere, we see swear words as just that, words, all invented for a purpose and none of which should be restricted. Sure, that's allowing him a tremendous amount of freedom of speech, but we never intended on modifying our own language in order to "talk down" to him.
Not everyone sees it that way, though; this writer at Salon, a mother who curses "more, maybe, than most people in general, excepting phone sex workers, sailors[,] and actors in Tarantino films", sees her swearing as a habit that she lapses into out of sheer laziness, or as a way to show herself as "an edgy, 'cool' mom". As a result, and considering her own children's use of swear words ("my fucking pencil broke!" Ohhhhh yes), she's striving to keep her language more G-rated.
But is it really a bad thing to swear in front of your kids? Consider these:
1. It's been suggested that people who swear are more honest and trustworthy. The truth of this has been debated wildly since it was suggested, but I'm clinging to it as I like to think I cuss a lot because I'm honest and trustworthy. Apparently, though, swearing can serve to show that we belong in a particular social group, or that we're able to be wholly comfortable with members of that group, so we become more open around those people.
2. That applies to the work environment, too. Hear that, awesome attorney-boss?
3. Swearing can help ease pain by activating the "fight or flight" response, leading to a surge of adrenaline and a corresponding analgesic effect. Of course, studies have shown that this holds true only for the occasional swearer, not those "chain-swearers" who are presumably desensitized by the act of cussing. Shhhhh.
4. Is it really necessary to censor yourself, and thereby, censor your children? Self-expression should be encouraged, always and in all forms. As George Carlin put it, "Why should I deprive myself of a small but important part of language that my fellow humans have developed? Why not use all of what we've developed to communicate with?" (And this is why Carlin is amazing.)
5. Swearing around your kids can actually help demonstrate rules of etiquette, as in which behaviors are appropriate under the circumstances. This is something we plan on instilling in Tycho: "You can say these words at home, but don't say them at school or around your grandmother, they would be very angry. These are at-home or alone words."
We like to see swearing as something different from hitting or punching or stealing or lying. Those are actions that we consider "wrong" because they hurt others and, sometimes, even hurt ourselves (especially if the kid hits back). They're behaviors that absolutely will not be tolerated in our home or elsewhere.
Swearing, on the other hand... why is it "wrong"? Is it because it's not nice? Improper? Perhaps offensive to some people? Sure, but so is wishing someone a Happy Holidays, apparently. We don't see swearing as a "wrong" thing any more than we see alternative season's greetings. Swears should only be used when necessary and sometimes just because they're fun to say, but personally? We're not going to waste our time teaching Tycho something is "wrong" when we don't even believe it to be.
So how about you... do you swear in front of your kids?
Yes we do. As much as we try to censor it, it just doesn't always work out like we would hope. I grew up saying GD it when I was a two yr old. Danger knows the swear words, but so far is pretty good at not using this just yet. And when she does use them, they are definitely used properly and in good reason.
ReplyDeleteCurbing our language around the child unit has been a loosing battle since day 1. Our goal is to teach her when and where it is appropriate to use such language, and hopefully give her a vocabulary expansive enough that she wont have to use them. My husband lets the F-bombs fly and I'm certainly guilty of them myself (hello, we're Massholes). Oops.
ReplyDeleteYes, I do. Even when the girls where babies. You know they never repeated the words like most kids do. I was amazed since my husband uses the F bomb alot. I do curse in front of them but they are use to it and it doesn't bother them. I asked my oldest and she said mommy that is who you and daddy are and it is okay. Love my kid. :)
ReplyDeleteWe do. Our boys know that those are "Mommy-Daddy" words and not for them. I think it helps teach them that there are things adults are allowed to do that children are not. You just gained a follower.
ReplyDeleteI do. I told Mini when and where she can use her swear words. Not in school and not in front of her grandparents. She's only slipped twice, dropping the f-bomb in front of my in-laws both times! Oh well..
ReplyDeleteI don't have kids yet, but I don't see myself curbing my language for pretty much the same reasons you have outlined above. Plus, I'm French Canadian, so I grew up hearing it, and it's a cultural thing here to swear a lot, though I think some people swear less around children than others. So, yep, I swear a lot and in two different languages... sue me! ;D
ReplyDeleteThe hubby and I both have a tendency to swear a lot. Our efforts toward curbing the habit were focused on not cussing directly AT the children. We'll swear around them, but not at or to them.
ReplyDeleteThe only problems that we've come across were when our five year old cussed at daycare (which was followed with a conversation about the appropriateness of using swear words) and (multiple times) three year old has asked me if people are "assholes", sometimes in front of the people in question.