Support in troubled times.

I really wanted to thank you all (and those of you from TCOYF who might be reading! :)) for your support, your kind words, your wisdom, and your strength. When I finally went back to my computer yesterday and checked through all your messages, I was overwhelmed by your responses to a day-long positive test that included all the above and more. You all have no idea how much that meant to me. <3

DH and I spent the Saturday after AF arrived cleaning house (my MIL is coming into town on Friday). Where some parts of the house are sparkling clean, others are still torn apart by the tornado that is our spring cleaning. It was both frustrating and therapeutic to go through everything, bit by bit and drawer by drawer, and clean out all that mess that we were holding on to for the sake of simply holding on.

I also made it my time to go through the past three cycles and clean out all the bad feelings: Every obsession, every wasted minute, every bit of grief felt from this chemical pregnancy... I let it all go and threw them in the recycle bin with everything else. It was such a relief to do that.

We replaced one of our little units in the kitchen that was holding some cookbooks with an actual bookshelf, which I've wanted to do since we moved in. I built it on my own, using that time to also rebuild within, to make anew my mental processes and really lay down a good foundation for what is eventually to come. As I stacked the cookbooks on my newly finished bookshelf, I couldn't help but feel some pride in knowing that something so small could really make a huge difference.

Like I mentioned before, we're not trying this month... and I'm okay with that. In fact, I'm more than okay. I think I need a little retreat from all this, and I know DH feels the same. We have a lot coming up this month to keep us occupied (like cherry blossoms!), plus some additional projects we want to start working on together.

I think this is going to be a good cycle. It might not be a fruitful one as far as children are concerned, but our relationship will benefit from the rest and from the knowledge that it happened once... and soon enough, it will happen again.

This time, whenever it happens... it'll stick. :)