Eight reasons why my dentist probably hates me, too. (Also, I'm going to the dentist Monday... yay?)

Be proud of me, y'all. Yesterday, all on my own, I made a dentist appointment for myself.

I understand that this typically isn't the type of news that should get people on their feet and applauding, but like most people, I just really hate the dentist. Not the guy himself, as he's cooler than cool (ice cold!), but just the idea of sitting in that chair, mouth gaping open, and almost 30 years' worth of piss-poor dental hygiene staring this tooth and gum expert in the face.

And I'll have to face, yet again, the prospect of getting my wisdom teeth removed. As an anxiety-ridden person who has never gone under general anesthesia, has never had surgery in her entire life, and generally hates the idea of being out of control while someone's fucking around with my face, I'm terribly excited! (NOT)

But for all the reasons why I hate the dentist, I'm sure he hates his patients just as much. So in an effort to empathize with the poor dude, I've decided to try putting myself in his shoes while he, instead, sits in the chair...

1. Okay, I just did this, but imagine if the first thing you hear when a client comes in is, "I hate the dentist." Really? Rude! It's a wonder no dentist (in my experience, at least) has ever responded with, "Aw, that's okay. I hate you, too." And yes, I'm guilty of this in person, too. Bad!

2. The lack of hygiene. Yeah, I admit to being a poor brusher most of the time sometimes, but I at least get my once-a-day brushing in. Imagine having to peer into someone's mouth, full of food and plaque and just grossness everywhere. It's enough to make me dry-heave right now, a big reason why I should never be a dentist!

3. I will put off dental procedures forever and ever amen. I'm sure there are worse people out there, but a good example: I've been needing my wisdom teeth out since I was 16, at least. Now I'm thisclose to 30 and experiencing issues with said wisdom teeth, issues that have been going on for no fewer than five years, and I'm just now thinking, "Yeah, might be a good idea to take care of that."

4. I'm such a baby in the chair. I wince, internally cry, clench my fists. Even if it doesn't hurt, I find myself habitually doing these things because... well, see #1. I imagine this makes it more difficult for him, too, as he's now working super gently around all my teeth and constantly worried that he'll hurt me. I should be more straightforward, something I'm sure would be much appreciated.

5. I'm always afraid of bad breath (on my part -- dude wears a mask and, because he's a dentist, probably has breath that smells like spearmint and unicorn farts). Fortunately, he never tells me, but I try not to breathe in his face... which, when you're that close to someone's face, is inevitable.

6. Periodontal disease. And taking care of it. Just... yeah.

7. He knows his stuff, and he tries to impart his knowledge on his patients, me included. But instead of actually taking that advice to heart (see #6), I feel like a child, being scolded for the admonition, "You really should be doing better." But you know what? He's right, I should!

8. Finally, he's not there to scare me, and he probably hates that people are afraid of him. (Awesome Attorney Boss likely feels the same way, as who wants to talk to a lawyer about just about anything!) But like anyone in a position of hatred, he's there to do a job and to do it well. So maybe, instead of focusing on the drill or the smells or the needles or the bill, I should focus on the fact that he's doing the best damn job he can.

Wish me luck at my appointment. And wish him the same. ;)