I was talking to Dana the other day about this whole TTC journey, and something came up that I hated to admit to myself, much less to someone else. (You're lucky I love you, Dana. ;))
For the past four cycles, after going at it pretty much nonstop from "hey, I might be ovulating" to "watch dem temps soar!", my body had pretty much shut down sexually. I didn't crave sex, I didn't even want it most of the time. It's not entirely unusual for me to have a few days to even a week or so of general non-sexiness, but it's been relatively consistent the past four cycles.
For reference, I'm including my charts the past four months under a cut at the end of this post. From looking at them, you'll see that during each 2WW, we'd only have sex once during that time, if at all. (My third cycle, we didn't have sex at all for almost three weeks!)
There are a few things that I've noticed as a result:
- I'm much more irritable in general during that 2WW than, I imagine, I would have been if we didn't just go at it.
- My sex drive would plummet to almost nothing, to where Cycle 4, I had to actually force myself to get into the mood for sex on its own, and even more for babymaking (you know, sex "with a purpose").
- I've been more irritable with DH in specific, which puts a strain on our entire relationship. Dana and I did talk about how men's emotions are tied to physical love, and while I get it, I didn't see its true effects until I found myself (involuntarily) withholding.
Finally, I admit to Dana... I was afraid of doing something "wrong" during the 2WW. That the embryo would jar loose, that it wouldn't "stick" (implant), that we'd somehow screw this up by screwing each other.
Of course, none of that really happens; embryo's gonna stick whether or not you get it on. And while stress isn't directly or scientifically related to infertility (or non-fertility, as the case may be), it certainly doesn't help, either.
Sunday and Monday, we had some *mind-blowing sex*. I mean... the stuff that brown-chicken-brown-cow is made of. I'm obviously not fertile right now*, but we're still enjoying each other as if I was. Honestly... I'd love to have this kind of sex more often, even if it means putting my (admittedly irrational) fears aside and just going for it.
So here's to a fun month, at least. ;)
*Though my nose is telling me otherwise. Did you know your sense of smell sharpens when you're fertile?
ok I've never heard this brown chicken brown cow saying before..explain! ha and I think I may have *finally* trying to not jinx myself...*whispers* ovulated. Here's a link to my chart...maybe ha
ReplyDeletehttp://www.fertilityfriend.com/ttc/chartgraph_module.php?d=2012-03-23&mode=a&ts=1335377983&u=
I know EXACTLY what you mean though. This cycle was all over the map, Josh was away, I was stressed to the max, a family member died and we were NOT in the mood but I find we're similar to you in the fact that I'm like"ok transaction completed" esp since I work shift work it sounds bad but it's like"ok let's just see if we were good and not mess anything up" So I get exactly what you mean <3
LOL! It's a play off "bow chicka bow-wow", mostly inspired by this awful-yet-hilarious video:
ReplyDelete[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MzQ4qdlhurc&w=560&h=315]
HAHA, "transaction completed", exactly! And we didn't have nearly as much stress as you had this time around. :| I'm hoping this mindset change works, as I'm just over not having sex, yanno?
Best of luck to you this time around! <3
omg that video is amazing haha
ReplyDeleteI know exactly what you mean, Josh and I are trying something similar this time around too :) And good luck to you! <3
LOL, isn't it great? I think I'm gonna play it again. XD And yay! More sexin' all around!!
ReplyDeleteNot related to sex, but a friend posted this on Facebook and I thought of you: http://www.drmomma.org/2010/12/ready-to-talk-jewish-mothers-change-of.html
ReplyDeleteRelated to sex: another thing to add to your list if awesomeness... By not being pregnant yet, you are further from having to sort out post-partum sex! Mind-blowing sex, how I miss you! (along with that uninterrupted sleep someone spoke of in the other post!) I am confident that before too long my vagina will forgive me though. ;)
Ooh, thank you for that article! I'm going to pass that along to, well... everyone. :D
ReplyDeleteOHHHH YES, didn't even think of that! I do count myself fortunate in that regard, and DH will be ever so grateful that you brought that up, too. ;) And I'm sure your vagina will forgive you before long! Your taint, though... well, I mean, I imagine that's gonna be another story. LOL
Just you WAIT until you can have mind-blowing sex again. It's going to be amazing, I'm sure!
Also, THIS is what it's all about:
ReplyDeleteThat said, I was definitely thinking backward. See, I would never have dreamed of asking my husband to be circumcised. If asked, I would have explained that it was his body, not mine, and that the decision to cut himself was between him and God alone.
Are you catching the discrepancy here? It wasn’t okay for me to ask a grown man to circumcise himself, but it was entirely okay for me to make that decision for my defenseless baby?!
I'm not trying to get pregnant, but I've noticed that ever since coming off birth control, (really, ever since I started actually ovulating), I get this way. I am horny as hell from just about the end of my period through ovulation - and we'll go at it like animals every day or at least every other day. As soon as I ovulate, my sex drive is almost completely gone and I have little desire to have sex. This was during our TTC stage, and since I've had the baby. Thankfully, Brad gets this completely and isn't really bothered by the fact that once I ovulate things slow down until the next cycle. There's other ways to have fun with each other besides intercourse (It's really just the intercourse part I don't have any desire for, maybe because of less natural lubricant or whatever).
ReplyDeleteJust chiming in here. As for that last part, about making the decision for your baby. This is my opinion and I realize not everyone feels this way. You make decisions for your children throughout their life, through at least age 18. What clothes they wear when they're too young to choose. Whether they get their ears pierced (or not). What schools they go to, which can shape the rest of their lives. Where they will live. What they will eat. What vaccines they get.
ReplyDeleteMaking the decision on circumcision is another of those decisions that I feel is completely the parent's right to make. If you aren't willing to make that decision for your child, then perhaps you should be letting your child decide every one of those other important things. Your child decides they want to move to Japan, you'd better be packing your bags. Yes, that's extreme, but I just can't understand the argument that a parent shouldn't be making this choice for their child.
Make whatever choice you want to make. If you want to circumcise, do it. If you don't, don't. But I just roll my eyes at the excuse "I don't have the right to make that decision for my baby." Yes. You do. Your baby doesn't decide where it's born. You make that call. You make a decision like this for your baby because your baby can't make it for themselves.
That makes total sense, and I get the same blasted thing. I'm also horny during my period, which sucks because, despite DH being Jewish, he ain't partin' no red sea. XD So I go from wild crazed sexytime woman to "no honey, not tonight." And feeling no urge to really do anything else, either.
ReplyDeleteBut part of that feeling the past few months have stemmed from fear, and I need to let that go. Even if I don't have a heightened sex drive without this fear, it's something I've gotta work through, even just for myself. Otherwise, I imagine pregnancy itself would be nothing short of miserable.
If you aren’t willing to make that decision for your child, then perhaps you should be letting your child decide every one of those other important things.
ReplyDeleteThat's the thing, though -- by not having my son circumcised, does that mean I'm not exercising a sort of decision-making? Lack of decision-making by omission? I beg to differ, but that's how I read that. Saying that it's not my decision to make is making the decision to let it be his decision.
Also, decision. ;)
That all being said, it'd be my personal desire to not have him circumcised, if only because it's a decision about anatomy that I'm personally not responsible to make. Push come to shove, I personally believe it to be his decision, like it'd be my child's decision to get his or her ears pierced, have tattoos, or engage in other body modification.
I don't believe it to be an excuse, either. Why should it be? By the same token, I roll my eyes at the idea that "my decision was based on [religious custom/cultural norms/the way daddy looks or other kids look/etc.], but to say that they're wrong in doing so for those reasons is, quite frankly, not my place.
And if you want to get down to religion and all that, two things important to my own:
(1) Harm none (by circumcising my son, I'd be harming him, IMO, at least physically) (yeah, it's a Wiccan thing, lol)
(2) Nature made us this way, and it should be each person's autonomous choice to alter it, no one else's
I can't help but feel like you're trying to make me feel bad, by the way, for saying that I'm personally choosing not to circumcise my son and the reasons for that. I understand that you chose that for your child, and I'm not saying you were wrong to do so -- that's not my place nor my right. Your family, your son. :) But I feel as if my "lack of decision-making" or leaving the choice up to my son is being derided.
BTW, whether or not that was intended, that's the feeling and impression I get. It may not be at all what you mean.
ReplyDeleteAnd actually, one of the comments explains it better than I can: And why does the circumcision have to happen to the babies? Why can't men decide to take that spiritual leap for themselves just like the first men who did it for God years ago?
ReplyDeleteIt's not at all what I mean. I honestly do not care if you do or do not circumcise your potential son, or anyone else for that matter. I believe this is the parent's choice, just like everything else about how they raise their child. Just like breastfeeding, or daycare, or whatever.
ReplyDeleteNo, what really bothers me is the "I'm leaving it up to my child." Because, really, you're NOT leaving it up to your child. You, and everyone else, knows very well that there is little to no chance that an adult male is going to decide to get himself circumcised as an adult, even if they decide as an adult they wish they'd been circumcised. So by deciding not to circumcise, you are making a choice for him. If you (meaning, every parent) were really leaving the choice up to the child, you'd have the baby make that decision when they're born. The child can't, and that is why the parents make the decision.
I am in no way telling you to circumcise your son (and I wasn't doing so the last time this debate came up, in that post, I was only trying to give you a way to find a solution between you and Matt, since Matt seems to want to circumcise). Do whatever you guys decide is best. If you don't want to, don't. But I honestly CANNOT STAND to read the "I'm letting him decide" argument anymore, from you, or from anyone else in the world. By making your choice as a parent to do it or not, you are NOT letting the child decide, you ARE making the decision for him.
Do you understand what my point is?
To specifically answer the "why circumcise as a baby?" question - the baby will not remember this 2 minutes after it is done, while a man would remember it for the rest of his life. Do you remember the trauma of being born? But as a mother, you'll always remember giving birth. I am sure the pain is the same for both the baby and the adult. I don't deny that fact. But the baby isn't going to remember it.
ReplyDeleteThink about it this way - if you ask your four year old if he wants his shot, do you think he's going to say Yes? But you, the parent, know it is important to their health to get it. As would any adult. It's painful for both a child and an adult, but sometimes the parent is supposed to make the decision.
Again, to reiterate, I don't care what you choose. I'm just arguing the part about who is making the decision. Whatever you choose, the chances are you are making that decision for him, as he is not likely to decide to go through the pain as an adult.
I do, because I understand that my decision is to not circumcise my child. That's a choice that I'm making both for myself and for him, and for proponents of circumcision, it'd be the same way.
ReplyDeleteBut, at least IMO, I *am* leaving it up to him as well. By deciding not to do it, he's being given the choice to do so in the future. It's not at all true the other way around -- unless you go through foreskin regrowing, which is mostly cosmetic and won't serve the purpose that a true foreskin would, there's no way you can bring back what is cut off. At least with not circumcising, he'd have the option of keeping or removing it, all at his discretion.
And that's where *his* choice comes in. Sure, by not doing it when he's an infant, he might be less willing to go through the surgery to have his foreskin removed, I get that. I liken it, though, to not piercing a baby's ears when she's an infant -- by not doing it, you're both making that decision for your child based on what's best, but also leaving the option to get it done when she's older. She may or may not decide to do it, but either way, it's going to be *her* decision.
I mean, personal anecdata here: My parents didn't pierce my or my sister's ears when we were babies. I ended up not getting my ears pierced until I was 18, then I let them close back up for several reasons (one of which being, the piercing was botched -- long story). I didn't get them re-pierced again until I was in my mid-20s. While my parents decided not to do it, by proxy, it became my decision down the line whether I wanted to have it done or not.
Maybe that makes sense? Passing along the responsibility for changing his body from *my* decision to *his*. IMO, I don't have the right to make that choice; perhaps by deciding not to have it done, I'm choosing for him (because you're right, who would go through something like that except for damn good reason), but I'm also letting him choose for himself by passing down that responsibility.
Yeah, but I will. :) And that's part of my point -- he may not remember, but I'll remember each painstaking detail, and I honestly don't want to go through that myself. So perhaps anti-circ is a selfish decision of mine, but I don't believe that making that decision based partly on my own fear is going to do my son any harm. Maybe even the opposite. :)
ReplyDeleteOh, and FWIW, circumcision isn't healthier nor cleaner. Soooo... I'm having a hard time comparing circumcision to vaccines.
Was that a dig at circumcision? Because no where did I try to argue that there was a benefit to either side. Stop trying to make this a personal attack, because it isn't.
ReplyDeleteAnd because I think you were misinterpreting my comment, I mentioned shots because they are PAINFUL. As circumcision is PAINFUL. I was using an example of something unpleasant to make my point. That the parent is making the decision because the child would not be able to.
ReplyDeleteOh dammit... I keep replying under the wrong account. Anywho.
ReplyDeleteThat's not a dig at circumcision. The research that I've done shows that there really isn't all that much benefit to it, and that's part of the reason that's leading my decision. It's also not a personal attack -- again, this is *my* choice for a possible future son, and I realize that my choice is *not* that of anyone or everyone else.
And I understand that you're bringing them up because they're painful, but shots are not (by and large) body modification. They hurt, they suck, they're not fun. I cry and/or faint at the sight of needles at 27, for chrissake -- I understand just how sucky they are. I also understand that vaccinations, routine or not, are not for everyone. At this point, I'm not sure what I'd do about vaccinations for my kids (we'll probably do them, though). But giving a baby a shot versus surgery to amputate a part of a baby's body are, at least in my eyes, two completely different procedures. I think you're misinterpreting why I feel they're not related -- it's more than just pain.