The Similac Ad: A perspective from a combo-feeder and relactator

If you've been anywhere around the internet recently, you're likely familiar with the new ad by Similac asking for an end to the ubiquitous Mommy Wars, saying that we're parents first. If you haven't seen it, watch it below... it's seriously sweet.


(I just realized I've already shared this, but it's worth the watch!)

Full disclosure, if you're not aware of any of this already: I'm a former-breastfeeding, former-formula-feeding, babywearing, stroller-owning (and occasionally -using), full-time corporate, crunchy hippie mom who encouraged baby-led weaning and is teaching her son yoga. Because he's far more flexible and far better at it than I am!

Having had all these experiences, this ad warmed my heart. Sure, it starts off getting your blood boiling, but by the end, you're just glad that everyone is enjoying the babies they have, no matter how they're being raised.

The firestorm as a result has been just as ubiquitous as the ad, and while a number of different types of moms are portrayed, the buzz hasn't come from the SAHMs or the WOHMs, not from the baby-wearers or the stroller-pushers, not even from the dads. Well, mostly.

Instead, it's come from the moms who feed their babies. Which... sounds silly, really.

I like to think I have an interesting vantage point in that I've both formula- and breast-fed my son, in private and in public, every time without shame. I was confident in my choice (when it came to formula, after a bit of time), and I tried to exude that whenever I had to feed my son and regardless of who was with us.

Perhaps that's the reason why, when I breastfed my son, I never had an issue with feeding him in public. Maybe I gave off enough confidence where I never heard "cover up" or "that's disgusting" or "can you please do that in the bathroom?" or any other asinine things my other breastfeeding friends have had to endure.

I promise you that, for the short time Tycho was on formula, I was equally confident. That confidence was shaken, though, when I had to feed him in Target on a relatively quiet afternoon. We cozied up in a display chair, I shook up his bottle, and he happily ate away.

Then, as she walked past me, a woman muttered under her breath, "Feeding that baby poison." Her glare pierced through me almost as painfully as her words.

I sat there, stunned, unable to say anything. Tycho continued to eat, oblivious to the hot tears that were brimming up, and I wished for something, anything to come to mind as a retort. But she turned the corner and was gone, leaving only her judgment behind.

I formula-fed Tycho for three months out of his life before I attempted relactation, and breastfed him otherwise until he was 21 months. Almost *seven times* longer as a breastfeeder, and in not a single day of that time was I ever meant to feel as worthless as I did in that moment, a moment that recreated itself several times over in such a short period.

I lost friends when I formula-fed.

I kinda-sorta gained them back when I relactated.

Some, I never got back at all.

I lost confidence when I formula-fed.

I lost confidence as a mother.

And not because of me.

But because of others.

As I read judgmental article after article from women who have never before formula-fed in their lives, and the comments from mothers who have never been there or done that, I couldn't help but feel that worthless all over again. It's one thing to think, perhaps rightfully, that Similac is capitalizing on these Mommy Wars by using an advertisement to bolster their sales (and I get it, I work for a company that capitalizes on a similar kind of marketing, replacing "mommy wars" with "charmed memories").

It's another thing entirely to contend that breastfeeding is a public health issue, that these "mommy wars" wouldn't exist if it wasn't for those meddling formula companies "pushing" their product, that breastfeeding shouldn't be a choice.

There is a sincere need for formula, from the baby in the NICU to the mom who is taking contraindicated medication, from the mom who adopted to the baby with an intolerance to his mom's milk no matter what she does.

And there's a want, too, that is just as valid as the need for formula, a want that's not easily (or willingly) deterred by the existence of donor milk.

I've experienced it myself. The differences between "want" and "need" play no role in the judgment formula-feeders receive from media, their pediatricians or physicians, the ads they see, the memes they read, and from individuals.

All well-meaning entities, I'm sure, but that are quick to slap "breast is best!" on a can of formula, like some mothers even have the stamina to care after all they went through to make their decision or who have had the decision made for them.

All well-meaning people, I'm sure, but who are quick to say that formula-feeding leads to an array of health or mental issues (untrue) and how dare you put convenience before your own child!

*takes a deep breath*

The "worst" I can see coming from this ad is that mothers who are already formula-feeding would switch to Similac. Me? I was totally happy with our Earth's Best organic soy, and would use it again should we ever have the need. And seriously, I relactated... not because I was gung-ho against formula, but because I wanted to. So clearly, their marketing wouldn't work on me!

The best... would be if breastfeeding moms took the ad to heart and for once considered that formula-feeding is every bit a valid decision to make, just as the choice to breastfeed is. Insisting that breastfeeding is the one "true" way to feed a child is not only myopic, it's divisive and a form of bullying. If you want a "mommy war", you've got one just by insisting on that.

In the meantime, I refuse to wave the white flag (though I can see why Suzanne Barston did, albeit begrudgingly!). I will forever be in support of a mother's right to choose what feeding method works best for her and her baby, and urge you to do the very same.

(Now vaccination, that's another story... for another time. ;))

Find out more about the Sisterhood of Motherhood!

Twitter: #SisterhoodofMotherhood (and be sure to follow me, @letitproducejoy!)

Facebook: #SisterhoodofMotherhood (also, wanna be FB friends, too?)

We are parents first.

Thank you again, Facebook friends, for sharing yet another fun video about the truths of parenthood:


I've been on both the sending and receiving side of judgment for parenting, and I have to say that neither side is a good place to be. So I'm joining a new campaign, the #SisterhoodofMotherhood, to encourage other parents to come together and focus not on those things that separate us, but those things that bring us together. Like, you know... making sure our kids are happy and healthy!

This video, titled "The Mother 'Hood", boiled my blood for the first couple minutes as parents -- mothers and father alike -- ridiculed the other side for their own parenting practices. Ugh, to watch them go for the jugular in decisions that had nothing to do with them! My anger was quickly joined by shame, as I know that, whether or not I've voiced my opinions aloud, I've certainly had opinions myself.

Not cool, Steph. Not cool.

Then the end of the video comes and, in a moment of peril, a reminder that we're all in it for our kids comes right to the forefront. Because in the end, that's what it's all about: Our love for our children. :)

So with that, I encourage y'all to join this effort as well, and to honor, respect, and even love other parents (and yourself!) not for how they care for their kids, but for the fact that they do care for their kids. I promise, I will absolutely do the same for you. ♥

Twitter: #SisterhoodofMotherhood (and be sure to follow me, @letitproducejoy!)
Facebook: #SisterhoodofMotherhood (also, wanna be FB friends, too?)

Anahata, realizing some people are assholes, and surrounding yourself with good.

One thing we've been focusing on lately in yoga is opening up the heart chakra. Sounds like a bunch of crunchy granola esoteric shit, I know... and that's because it kind of is. :) But bear with me for a bit.

The fourth primary chakra, Anahata (Sanskrit: अनाहत) or the "heart" chakra, is associated with the ability to make decisions outside the realm of karma. I'm sure you're familiar with the phrase "follow your heart", which encourages someone to make decisions not based on unfulfilled emotions, but on one's higher self.

We've been doing poses this month to open up this chakra if desired, notably Camel (Ushtransana), Cobra (Bhujangasana), and a "flying" kundalini yoga exercise where arms are raised to a T and the heart pushes forward as the arms go back. During the practice, we're also asked to consider:

• ♥ What emotional memories do I need to heal?
• ♥ What relationships, current or past, require healing?
• ♥ Are my emotional wounds taking over, causing me to try and control people or situations around me?
• ♥ Do I allow the wounds of others to control me? How do I let it happen?
• ♥ What do I need to forgive myself for? Who needs forgiving from me?

These poses have been done in conjunction with the Loving Kindness meditation, which I went over previously. (Ignore the broken images... trying to fix that!)

What's especially difficult about these poses is not the actual muscle it takes, as sometimes it doesn't take much at all, but that your heart is completely exposed and leaves you open to feeling something you may just not want to feel at the time. It's very hard to open up like that, especially if your heart is scarred from being hurt by others, betrayal, or other negativity that you hold within yourself. Your heart becomes hardened to the world and against allowing others (and yourself!) in, and it can be very scary to try to break down those walls, as doing so may open you up to more isolation and pain.

I've noticed in my own life is that I can be a rather open person to most people. I invite others in willingly, extend my heart out, and generally try to be as friendly and effervescent as possible. Sure, I get hurt here and there, but in the grand scheme, leaving my heart open to new people is generally a positive experience.

But if there's anything I've been struggling with recently, it's learning to let go of those moments where people bring their negativity to a relationship... notably where those two people have never actually met. Even more, learning not to take it personally when harm is done, as why would you take to heart something said by some internet personality! It's especially difficult when they make themselves a martyr to your social networking circles.

I came across an article recently about why people are such assholes on the internet. (I love, by the way, that the title is flanked by the amount of time it takes to read. Just 8 minutes!) One notable point made was that we become intellectually lazy on social media, choosing not to view the person as an individual but to make assumptions and lump them into stereotypes of groups with which we disagree if they say something we don't like.

That, and there's the power of the reputation within a social group, also discussed in the article. There's the desire to be accepted and lauded by your peers, even to someone's detriment, if there are people picking apart every word you say, and the chances of being more defensive about a position skyrocket as a result. I see it all the time on Facebook and, more rarely but just as deeply, on personal blogs.

Have I been subject to this? Absolutely! As a blogger and admittedly fervent Facebook user, I'm often at least witness to these types of things, and once in a rare occasion, I'm actually a part of the drama. I can name a few off the top of my head, and I'll be straightforward in saying they are often the subject of my Loving Kindness meditation for the "difficult" person.

They're typically people, though, that I've never met in real life, and for people I don't actually know outside the persona they've made in their social networks, I certainly allow them to take up a lot of headspace. More, I'd say, than I do people I know in person.

It's definitely something I need to learn to let go, especially since they're probably not paying me the same mind, you know? And if they are, they're likely tormenting themselves as well with this "clogging up" of headspace that could be taken up by better, more productive things.

So in practicing these heart-opening poses and meditations, I'm trying to learn to simply... let go. It's incredibly difficult, and it opens yourself to possibly more hurt, but in the long run, it's a positive experience that will lead to more fulfilling relationships and experiences. Take a little hurt now, live a better life after.

I'm also learning to, quite frankly, not give a fuck. :) That headspace could be much better utilized, so why focus on those things that likely have no effect on anyone else and give a fuck about yourself and those who actually matter first! How do I go about doing this?

1. Know your values. Determine what's important, what isn't, and what you're ultimately aiming to get out of life. Once you know what those all are, what other people think of you becomes significantly less important, and you can have something you truly value: Something to believe in. Get your values straight, get your shit straight.

2. Put yourself out there! I already do this by Facebook, blogging, and even in real life social circles, but the bigger dare is to be honest with yourself and what you share. Don't censor yourself simply because someone may not like what you have to say (while also realizing that not every molehill is a mountain).

3. Surround yourself with pros. Not just people who are badass at what they do, but those who are a "pro" addition to your life rather than a "con". I'd say this one is of UTMOST importance, if only because it'll help you find happiness if you surround yourself with it. Find people who are self-assured and who live their lives without compromising their own core values, and you'll find that they quickly rub off on you!

4. Create a bucket list, and actually work to complete it. I actually have something similar, my 40 Before 40 list, to provide some inspiration. Add a couple things to it that will push you to your limits, too, don't just make it all whimsical! Your list should push you to reach new goals, realize what's important in your life, and challenge you to be your best.

5. Travel alone. If you're like me -- with a family, career, and other obligations -- this one may be on hold for a while, but it's something everyone should experience once in their lives. It'll force you into new social cultures, break some norms you didn't know existed, and ultimately force you out of your own little bubble. (And for me, at least... do it on a motorcycle! If only because it's badass!)

And, if you so choose, open your heart to new experiences and new people, knowing full well that you may be hurt once in a while... but that those positive relationships will stick with you for a lifetime.

Namaste. :)