(I just realized I've already shared this, but it's worth the watch!)
Full disclosure, if you're not aware of any of this already: I'm a former-breastfeeding, former-formula-feeding, babywearing, stroller-owning (and occasionally -using), full-time corporate, crunchy hippie mom who encouraged baby-led weaning and is teaching her son yoga. Because he's far more flexible and far better at it than I am!
Having had all these experiences, this ad warmed my heart. Sure, it starts off getting your blood boiling, but by the end, you're just glad that everyone is enjoying the babies they have, no matter how they're being raised.
The firestorm as a result has been just as ubiquitous as the ad, and while a number of different types of moms are portrayed, the buzz hasn't come from the SAHMs or the WOHMs, not from the baby-wearers or the stroller-pushers, not even from the dads. Well, mostly.
Instead, it's come from the moms who feed their babies. Which... sounds silly, really.
I like to think I have an interesting vantage point in that I've both formula- and breast-fed my son, in private and in public, every time without shame. I was confident in my choice (when it came to formula, after a bit of time), and I tried to exude that whenever I had to feed my son and regardless of who was with us.
Perhaps that's the reason why, when I breastfed my son, I never had an issue with feeding him in public. Maybe I gave off enough confidence where I never heard "cover up" or "that's disgusting" or "can you please do that in the bathroom?" or any other asinine things my other breastfeeding friends have had to endure.
I promise you that, for the short time Tycho was on formula, I was equally confident. That confidence was shaken, though, when I had to feed him in Target on a relatively quiet afternoon. We cozied up in a display chair, I shook up his bottle, and he happily ate away.
Then, as she walked past me, a woman muttered under her breath, "Feeding that baby poison." Her glare pierced through me almost as painfully as her words.
I sat there, stunned, unable to say anything. Tycho continued to eat, oblivious to the hot tears that were brimming up, and I wished for something, anything to come to mind as a retort. But she turned the corner and was gone, leaving only her judgment behind.
I formula-fed Tycho for three months out of his life before I attempted relactation, and breastfed him otherwise until he was 21 months. Almost *seven times* longer as a breastfeeder, and in not a single day of that time was I ever meant to feel as worthless as I did in that moment, a moment that recreated itself several times over in such a short period.
I lost friends when I formula-fed.
I kinda-sorta gained them back when I relactated.
Some, I never got back at all.
I lost confidence when I formula-fed.
I lost confidence as a mother.
And not because of me.
But because of others.
As I read judgmental article after article from women who have never before formula-fed in their lives, and the comments from mothers who have never been there or done that, I couldn't help but feel that worthless all over again. It's one thing to think, perhaps rightfully, that Similac is capitalizing on these Mommy Wars by using an advertisement to bolster their sales (and I get it, I work for a company that capitalizes on a similar kind of marketing, replacing "mommy wars" with "charmed memories").
It's another thing entirely to contend that breastfeeding is a public health issue, that these "mommy wars" wouldn't exist if it wasn't for those meddling formula companies "pushing" their product, that breastfeeding shouldn't be a choice.
There is a sincere need for formula, from the baby in the NICU to the mom who is taking contraindicated medication, from the mom who adopted to the baby with an intolerance to his mom's milk no matter what she does.
And there's a want, too, that is just as valid as the need for formula, a want that's not easily (or willingly) deterred by the existence of donor milk.
I've experienced it myself. The differences between "want" and "need" play no role in the judgment formula-feeders receive from media, their pediatricians or physicians, the ads they see, the memes they read, and from individuals.
All well-meaning entities, I'm sure, but that are quick to slap "breast is best!" on a can of formula, like some mothers even have the stamina to care after all they went through to make their decision or who have had the decision made for them.
All well-meaning people, I'm sure, but who are quick to say that formula-feeding leads to an array of health or mental issues (untrue) and how dare you put convenience before your own child!
*takes a deep breath*
The "worst" I can see coming from this ad is that mothers who are already formula-feeding would switch to Similac. Me? I was totally happy with our Earth's Best organic soy, and would use it again should we ever have the need. And seriously, I relactated... not because I was gung-ho against formula, but because I wanted to. So clearly, their marketing wouldn't work on me!
The best... would be if breastfeeding moms took the ad to heart and for once considered that formula-feeding is every bit a valid decision to make, just as the choice to breastfeed is. Insisting that breastfeeding is the one "true" way to feed a child is not only myopic, it's divisive and a form of bullying. If you want a "mommy war", you've got one just by insisting on that.
In the meantime, I refuse to wave the white flag (though I can see why Suzanne Barston did, albeit begrudgingly!). I will forever be in support of a mother's right to choose what feeding method works best for her and her baby, and urge you to do the very same.
(Now vaccination, that's another story... for another time. ;))
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