Ah shit.

Tycho's daycare provider was telling me this morning that he started saying "ah shit" at multiple times during the day yesterday. She did say that he was using it in context, though, so that's one positive. :)

I knew that this text would one day come, but against my better judgment, I didn't think it'd come so soon. I was an "early cusser", too (my parents have me on video at a year old saying "bullshit, AJ" after said AJ took a toy from my hands), and considering both my mouth and Matt's, as well as previous posts on this very subject, this day was going to be upon us sooner rather than later.

Fortunately, he used it in context, so at least we've got that going for us!

From the mouths of (incredibly, insanely cute) babes...

I'm sure the daycare provider brought it up to us as a point of concern, and I can see why: Other kids can hear and emulate it, and they'll likely bring it home to their parents. Parents who, I'll bet you everything I've got, would be far less tickled by their new vocabulary, regardless of correct context.

If it isn't evident already, Matt and I are okay with letting a little "foul language" reach our son's ears. For the most part, we use these words sparingly and in response to a stimuli that, quite frankly, deserves some strong words. So far, we've been fortunate that Tycho has been too concerned with the sounds certain animals make to worry about picking up a few fucks here and there.

Other than the word itself, though, what does it matter if he says "ah shit", "ah shoot", "ah noodles", or any other variation? The message conveyed is the same, and it's seriously just a word. It's not like some demonic dragon is going to awaken at the utterance of a "bad" word, even if that utterance is made by a toddler.

Honestly, my bigger concern is with other words, like "hate" or "stupid", words that have not yet entered Tycho's vocabulary and that I want to prevent him from saying as long as possible. While they're not "bad" words, as brusque dismissals of people, ideas, and experiences, they should certainly be! When I hear a child call someone or something "stupid", I can't help but think that child is far too cynical for his age and could probably learn a bit about common decency and giving things the old college try.

Is this to say that I never call things "stupid" or never say that I "hate" something? No, I do, though unlike my sailor mouth, I try to curb those before they pass my lips, notably in front of my son. I don't want to discourage Tycho from trying something new or meeting a new person because doing so is "stupid" or because he "hates" it before even attempting it. I want him to experience everything, even those things he may dislike, for the sake of trying it. For the sake of living it!

So do I really fucking care if my son drops the f-bomb or uses "ah shit" appropriately? What the fuck does it fucking matter. It's just a word, and so long as it's not directed at someone, the only downside is that it's not polite. I'd rather Tycho not focus on being so fake that he won't speak freely, including curse words.

But words like "hate" or "stupid"... those words are meant only to disparage. Those words are the real curse.

No, seriously!!

Six steps to finding a great daycare

I was probably more nervous in choosing a childcare facility than I was interviewing for my job. The research was all done, the tours were set in stone, the butterflies reappeared with every new step we took into a daycare.

But it's for good reason: The search for a daycare should be treated like a job hunt. Be thorough, do your homework, and start early -- as far as six months out from when you plan on enrolling your child. It's a stressful prospect, to find a place you deem worthy of your precious bundle of joy, but if you're diligent, you can find the perfect place for your child and for you.

When Matt and I first found Tycho's daycare, I was a complete wreck the first day, and even cried shortly after dropping him off (though I was sure to wait until after I left the room to do so!). Now I drop him off with confidence, knowing he's well cared for and that we did everything we could to find him a safe, happy place to spend his day.

Now we're on the hunt again, as my office is moving... somewhere and we likely can't keep Tycho in the same city. As we embark on our second childcare search, I thought I'd share some tips and tricks we learned along the way and will be using again as we look for that perfect daycare, this time closer to home.

1. Start early.

No matter what you're looking for, it's best to start the search early -- at least six months in advance. Daycares and in-home care fill up quickly, especially in larger cities, and many require you to put down a deposit for a start date months in advance. We started the search while I was still pregnant, even though Tycho wouldn't enter daycare until he was three months; because we were so early in the hunt, we were able to pin down and finalize a daycare before he was even born.

2. Identify your priorities.

Every daycare is different, and this will become more apparent as you look at each one. So identify now what you want. Are you looking for somewhere close to work or home? Do you want a center, a home daycare, or a nanny? Doing this will help you narrow down the several options there are in the area.

Then there's how you want your child cared for, which will pare the list down further: Do you want the center to provide meals? Are you cloth diapering and looking for a CD-friendly daycare? Are you looking more for an adult-led or a child-led experience?

3. Do your research, then...

Yeah, so I keep talking about "research", but what does that mean? There are three phases to this: Before you go, the initial call, and the site visit.

Before you go, check out the daycare's licensing and other information. A good resource is Child Care Aware (800-424-2246), which allows you to find a local organization that provides information regarding childcare options in your area. You can also search for accredited childcare facilities through NAEYC and NAFCC, as well as reviews through sites like Yelp.

4. Interview and visit.

The initial call should cover things like scheduling a tour, getting a feel for the director, and finding out basics before you go. Be sure to ask:

• What is the adult:child ratio? (The ratio should start at 1:3 for up to two years, then go up from there.)
• What is the group size? (This should start at 6 for up to 12 months and go up from there.)
• What are the caregivers' qualifications? What kind of education, current and ongoing, do they need?
• What is the turnover rate for caregivers?
• What is the daycare's accreditation, if any?
• What are the daycare's hours, fees, and vacation schedules?

And don't be afraid to ask for references! Sure, daycare centers and providers probably won't refer you to someone who didn't like them, but nothing is more convincing than how another parent rates the care. Be sure to ask them what they liked and disliked about the center and whether their child is still there (and if not, why not).

Then it's time for the site visit! Be sure to schedule one at first, then ask if they're okay with one last random drop-in when you're close to making a decision. A daycare that will not let you drop in should be a red flag: If they're not okay with you dropping in, you don't know if they're hiding anything.

This time, you'll be meeting the director and daycare providers in person, so go with your gut instinct on how they seem when they answer your questions and whether they seem happy where they are. Since you'll probably get some one-on-one time with the daycare providers, consider these (and yes, some of these are repeats):

• What is the adult:child ratio? Are certain children assigned to certain caregivers? Does this ratio remain the same throughout the day?
• What are your philosophies on childrearing issues such as feeding, sleeping, and discipline?
• What is an example of your average day?
• Are you ever called away to help with another room? Are there any "floaters", and who are they?
• Do you enjoy your job? What, if anything, would you change? (They may not answer honestly, but hesitation may be a red flag here!)
• How long have you worked here?
• What is your previous work experience? How long were you at previous places?

And of course, be sure you're comfortable with the providers. Until your baby can talk, you'll be relying on what the providers tell you about your child's day. A daily sheet detailing how they're doing will help as well, but there's nothing like getting the 4-1-1 from your provider directly.

Is there anything else of importance to you? If so, ask them now. For instance, we needed to ask about things like who is authorized to pick up and drop off (and how they'll know), if they cloth diaper, and what their protocols are on cleaning toys and the room at the end of the day.

Check out this publication from NACCRRA: Is This the Right Place for My Child? It details 38 research-based questions to ask and observe about a daycare and will give you an unbiased look at the quality of the care.

5. The hardest part: Make a choice.

Many daycares have waiting lists, especially centers accredited by NAEYC, since less than 10% of centers have this designation. Your dream daycare isn't available for when you need it? Sign up for the waiting list anyway -- a spot may open up, or you may want to switch to there at a later date. Be sure to ask the daycare for recommendations of similar places, too, in case they're booked solid.

If you managed to get in, congratulations! May the daycare journey be fun, educational, and as caring as you imagined... but realize that you don't need to be married to it. If things don't work out, you can always make a switch. Yes, you'll want consistency for your baby, but babies are resilient and take change well, especially if they're getting a positive experience with their new caregiver.

6. The work doesn't stop here... stay involved!

After all, you're your child's essential caregiver, so be involved in your child's daycare experience, too. You and your daycare providers are a team now! Be sure to have meetings regularly to discuss your child's progress and things that need attention, offer volunteer time when you can, attend your child's birthday party at the center, and join in special events they may have.

If you can't take the time to visit, you can still check in at drop-off and pick-up by asking how your child did and how things in the classroom are going.

Visiting and participating will send a strong message that you care and are there for your child, that what your child and his caregivers are doing is important and worth asking about. Put your face front and center when it comes to your children.

Tycho the not-so-red-nosed reindeer!

So they skipped the red paint on his nose to save him from a possible reaction, not knowing that I've drawn on his face already with eyeliner without even thinking about allergies. ;) But my little reindeer got his debut yesterday with his infant class, jingling huge bells tied to his wrist and donning construction paper antlers!

You know those antlers will be saved and possibly stuck on him at random points during his childhood, even when it doesn't fit anymore.

He did that eyebrow and confused little scowl the WHOLE TIME. It was adorable and all, but come on kid, I know you've got a smile in you somewhere!

It was a great concert, though, seriously. I stayed through most of it before booking it back to work, including a little snuggle time with my li'l bud before he went back to his classroom.

I'm so thankful for this daycare center and their great care of my son. :)

Cloth Diapering: How to approach your daycare

Baby Kit will be entering daycare when he's twelve weeks old, so provided he comes on time, he's set to enter daycare around late July. Considering they fill up so quickly around here, we started our daycare search in late November or early December.

The tours themselves went great! We visited about five in one day and ended up liking three, enough to revisit them at a later date. But there was one thing about every daycare that really irked me:

"No, we don't cloth diaper. State regulations."

Those of you who know me in some capacity know that I'm your typical tree-hugging liberal vegetarian hippie, so of course cloth was my go-to diapering solution before we even got pregnant. I was let down by the insistence from each daycare director that it was against state regulations to cloth diaper, and I was just as let down with myself for not researching whether this was the case before visiting these places.

If you're interested in cloth diapering, learn from my mistakes! I've detailed below how to handle cloth diapers with daycares, as approaching them from a different angle actually led to very promising results; we're currently waiting on an answer back from one now-CD-friendly daycare!

1. Make it easy on yourself! (If you can.)

There actually are easy ways to find cloth diaper-friendly daycares in your area. Word of mouth is a great tool, so if you know any mamas in your area who cloth diaper and send their child(ren) to daycare, see what they have to say about their experiences. You may also want to check with your OB, midwife, doula, or possibly even your local La Leche League for suggestions.

If you're having a hard time finding other parents who cloth diaper or if your healthcare provider really has no clue (and this totally might be the case), check out this list of cloth diaper-friendly daycares. Some may not be close to you -- we're looking for daycares near my work, and there were literally none on this list that weren't prohibitively far -- but if one is, it's worth checking out! Be sure to ask up front, mentioning that you saw them on such a list.

2. Know before you go.

My biggest mistake was the lack of research I did before going on any daycare tours. I knew that cloth diapering was legal in the state of Maryland, but when push came to shove, I had no documentation to prove it, and believe me, "nuh-uh!" isn't a terribly convincing argument.

To eliminate some of the legwork, check out this link to both arm yourself and educate your daycare provider of choice on state regulations for daycares: National Resource Center for Health and Safety in Child Care and Early Education

This site dishes out state-by-state regulations on diapering, including (if applicable) cloth diapering. From what I noticed, cloth is either very lightly covered -- "this is how you handle a cloth diaper" or "you need a doctor's note to use cloth diapers" -- or not mentioned at all. No state outright bans the use of cloth diapers.

Take the applicable statute or paragraph about the diapering procedure for your state and bring them in to your daycare providers, with the pertinent section highlighted if you can. If they cite state regulation, you'll have the regulation right there to point it out.

(If you're in Maryland, it's very difficult to find an actual diapering procedure the NRC; click here to view the diapering procedure. Finding it difficult to find it for your state, too? Just Google "diapering procedure [STATE]". Your individual state's Department of Education may cover this topic.)

If one of their concerns is sanitation, let them know that (modern, front-closure, AIO) cloth is just as sanitary as disposables, and direct them to this study, which observes the levels of fecal contamination in daycare centers with each type of diaper. In brief, there was no significant difference in the levels of coliform contamination in daycare centers when comparing the two types of diapers.

3. Bring the goods!

The reason why I encountered so much resistance at first was because daycare providers -- both the directors and the caretakers -- still believed that "cloth diapers" meant folding, pinning, and plastic or rubber pants. On my second round of daycare interviews, I brought with me a newborn all-in-one diaper and a one-size pocket diaper, plus a small wetbag, to demonstrate how they're used.

Let me tell you: These modern diapers will BLOW THEIR MINDS. Literally every provider who got their hands on the diapers were floored by how much they resemble modern disposables, and how far they've come from their generation's or their ideas about cloth. In fact, one daycare that I brought them to -- the one that I mentioned above that we're seriously considering -- said that they love them so much, they'll likely tell other parents about them!

So bring along some samples and show them just how much like disposables they are. It might end up impressing them more than you think.

(I honestly wouldn't recommend prefolds, fitteds, contours, AI2s, or even hybrids for daycares. Anything more than something that very closely resembles a disposable diaper is likely to intimidate a daycare provider. Stick with AIOs or pockets.)

4. Make it about them.

Another thing I noticed is that they wanted cloth diapers to be as simple and as much for them as possible, so bring up these perks:

Cost-efficient! Your cloth diapered baby means possibly reducing the number of trips to the dumpster or by trash service. If the daycare provides its own disposable diapers (some actually do), let them know they can save money by parents providing their own diapers.

Less waste! According to the Real Diaper Association, disposable diapers represent about 4% of solid waste in landfills, and about 50% of household waste. One can only imagine the amount of waste produced by your average daycare...

Eco-friendly! With all this talk about saving the environment and all that -- ahem, above-mentioned hippie-type here -- the daycare can actually market to those parents by saying they're earth- or green-friendly. Green moms eat up that stuff.

Totally easy! Aside from how convenient cloth is, imagine the cloth diapering mom as a personal diaper service, at least for her own child. And fresh diapers each day? Who wouldn't love that!

5. Try before you buy.

Even if they look cool, have additional benefits, and aren't banned by state or other regulations, some daycare providers may still be wary. If you're hooked on a place for reasons other than their diapering policies, propose a trial period; let them know that they're not committing, but they're being reasonable with you. Two to three weeks is usually enough to convince a provider that cloth really is no different and may actually prove beneficial. Your provider may even end up loving them!

Should they like cloth diapers but would like for some changes to happen to keep using them...

6. Be flexible.

There may be something that they will insist on. If your daycare provider is cool with cloth diapers but insists on disposable rather than cloth wipes, go with it (and consider asking if you can bring your own green-friendly disposable wipes). If they insist you have a wetbag AND a sealed trash-like container, just bring your own, one of a different color or with a distinctive sticker or mark so it's not confused with actual refuse bins.

Basically, make whatever concessions you're comfortable with. It's entirely up to you whether you want their demands to make or break your choice, but if your daycare is willing to cloth diaper with only an added request or two, it may be worth it to avoid a possible fight with another daycare.

7. Don't be afraid to shop around.

Not all daycares will be down with cloth. Despite my positive experiences thus far, some daycares are simply stubborn, so take your business elsewhere... and let them know the reason why you're doing so. It probably won't have any affect on them unless their business is hurting, but it IS good to let them know that they may lose the business of other parents who want to cloth diaper.

And finally...

8. Be positive!

Since this is a hot-button issue for many moms and for some daycares, try to approach the situation as positively as possible. Don't diss disposables (entirely); rather, point out the positives of cloth and the comparisons between the two, readily apparent or not. Direct their attention to the ease of use, the benefits to accepting them from a personal and daycare-wide perspective, and a level of excitement when showing them what modern cloth is all about.

Your attitude will make the biggest difference. While there's every reason to insist that they accept cloth for your child and other children, there's no reason to get combative, and you may end up losing out. Be firm but polite, educational but not condescending, upbeat and excited. It may end up rubbing off on them!

Most of all, good luck! Hopefully you'll find a daycare that you love so much, their acceptance of cloth diapers is merely a perk. :)