Because I put my heart and soul into making him; I want to put my heart and soul into feeding him.
Because I miss that bond, those fifteen to twenty minutes of uninterrupted us time.
Because I miss having a free hand to stroke his cheek (or play on Facebook).
Because Tycho did well on it before switching.
Because whew, have you smelled formula poop?! And we cloth diaper, so...
Because Tycho deserves my best effort.
Because washing bottles is getting annoying -- all those little parts!
Because it would give me personal satisfaction
Because I can sustain Tycho on something I can make.
Because watching that milk collect in the pump is actually kinda cool!
Because all those nursing tops and bras ain't gonna wear themselves.
Because, even though Tycho is already almost four months old, we could still have many months of breastfeeding ahead of us.
Because I'm getting tired of packing formula in our diaper bag.
Because I'm labeled a crunchy hippie and might as well fulfill all criteria!
Because I hate wasting formula.
Because, vainly, I still have a few more stubborn pounds to lose. ;)
Because I've always wanted to, and I feel robbed.
And finally...
Because really? Why not. Why not try. It's not like formula is poison or that I have an aversion to it -- it's nourished my healthy, happy son to this point, and it can continue to do so if needed.
But these... these are my reasons for wanting to at least try, to make up for how quickly and how willingly I gave up.
So, fenugreek and breast pump in hand, LCs at the ready, and my friends
Stephanie, you did not "give up." Don't call it that. You aren't a failure, and you didn't quit. You stopped breastfeeding when it was causing you extreme distress mentally and physically. I think -- please don't take this the wrong way -- that you are looking back it through "break up goggles." I'm not saying there isn't regret or a desire to change it (which you are! and that's fine!) but saying you "gave up" implies something negative. You did what was right at the time.
ReplyDeleteRationally, I know all of this. I know I had a tough run, that I absolutely did what was best at the time. Emotionally, and especially looking back with those "break up goggles" (perfect analogy, by the way, haha), I feel like I could have done more and that I should have stuck with it.
ReplyDeleteRight now, I'm trying to mitigate the battle between the rational and the emotional, and I think this journey will help. No matter how it goes, my emotions will finally realize too that I did my best, under better circumstances, and that's all I can give!
So yeah, I "gave up", but for very good reason. I don't see it as a negative at all. :)