(I'll probably be posting this, or something like this, to TCC later today. I just wanted to get my thoughts out.)
Why do some moms feel it appropriate to, consciously or otherwise, scare you when they find out you're pregnant?
I recently bought Ina May's Guide to Childbirth and Birthing from Within from Amazon, and have been poring over the birth stories ever since. They're all so powerful, so uplifting, so indicative of how women are strong and able to birth. While the focus is on natural birth (obviously), there comes a strength from women who have also had interventions of any sort, from Pitocin down to cesareans. These stories seem less willing to "scare" you about anything and much more willing to show the beauty and wonder of childbirth.
These stories are unlike almost any other I've heard recently, and they offer me a sense of strength and ability to be able to give birth myself within the next few months. As I get further along, though, I'm bombarded with even more terrifying tales: From the days-long labor that left a woman exhausted to the poop she left on the birthing table, from the blue infant that came from her and needed CPR to the hellions they apparently turn into later. Like we never thought that having a child, in the womb or out, was difficult!
I honestly want to know what compels people to regale mommies-to-be about about "what you're in for", especially since I HOPE that, as a pregnant woman has had just about nine months to think about it (and longer if she and her partner have been trying for a while -- COUGH), they're well aware that they're not going to be 100% prepared for whatever gets thrown their way. Just as the current parents sharing their "horror stories" had no idea.
Maybe these parents feel like they're sharing, not scaring: They've been through the ringer, they know what's around the corner, and what better person to share their wisdom with than the pregnant chick in their lives! Maybe they even feel like they're bonding. After all, you're about to join in a special club that promises difficult times but (hopefully) lots of love in return, so what's a little hazing compared to 18+ years of "what's in store"?
I get it, kind of. I get that people want to share their joy (and, let's face it, their misery) with someone who is about to experience the same.
Then there are the people who insist that, on top of having this crying, pooping, screaming, co-dependent little person clinging to your life and limb, you're going to lose every aspect of your life. Like going to the movies? No more! Enjoy your sleep? Invest in eye cream, 'cause you ain't gettin' any! Speaking of getting any, how was your sex life before? It's nothing like throwing a hot dog down YOUR hallway now!
From my perspective -- as someone who revels over each kick her baby makes, every hiccup that shakes her belly, every plan she and her husband make to prepare their child for a happy, healthy, and loving home -- to be told these kinds of stories tells me that there's no way I can prepare for it.
So hey, what am I supposed to do? I'm 26 weeks along, it's not like I can turn back now. As much as I may have wanted it a few times during this pregnancy, there's no "delete" or "cancel" button, no dropping this project like a half-knit sweater. All I feel when I read or hear stories like that is the air deflating from my balloon of happiness and joy.
It's not like I haven't thought about this before, even agonized over the fact that my life simply won't be mine anymore. It's not like I haven't experienced diaper blowouts, infant and toddler meltdowns, screaming teenagers, debilitating self-disappointment in my abilities as a child caretaker... absolutely not.
And even for those expectant parents who have NOT experienced any of the above, I'm sure you're well aware that all of that and more is coming, if not through stories from others, then through your own forward thinking.
So, that all said, for all you mommies and daddies out there (and those who are neither but still love to tell stories because HEY, BONDING with this THING in your BELLY!), before telling any sort of cautionary tales, be sure that the expectant parents have at least asked for your opinion first, and if you must share... keep it to the point, mmm-kay?
And please, offer some positivity as well. That does us better than anything else.
Having a kid is awesome. :D
ReplyDeleteI have NEVER understood the whole "trying to scare the new mother-to-be" thing. Never. In my experience, it's all been SO much easier than everyone told me it would be... Even the birth! "Don't plan for a natural birth, you'll be screaming for an epidural within 2 hours. Everyone SAYS they want a natural birth, but they all eventually give up & get an epidural.", um BULL! Thanks to Ina May Gaskin & Dr Sarah J Buckley (look her up, she's great), the biggest complaint I had during birth was "Is this going to take much longer? I'm getting tired.". And that was sometime after the first 24 hours of active labour ;) You can't "try" or "hope" for a natural birth, just like you can't "give breastfeeding a shot"... do you "try" or "hope" to run a marathon, or do you TRAIN for it? As Yoda said: "Do or do not, there is no try".
ReplyDeleteI honestly think that people whose lives are turned completely upside-down by having children (to the point where they feel the need to scare others with their tales of poop & crying & waking up at night & other baby things that obviously no-one has ever heard about before them) must never have met a child/baby in their entire lives. Or they are really, really, REALLY stupid. Yes the first couple of months are tricky (of course they are - you have a very small new roommate who doesn't speak the language, can't yet do anything for themselves, has no idea where they are & is REALLY freaked out by this whole bright, noisy place with crazy temperatures) but it's not anything that should be *surprising*.
And I'm sure you are referring to me because you mentioned the movie thing specifically. Look, no matter how prepared you think you are, you're not. It's wrong to assume otherwise. You know your life is going to change, but you really don't know exactly how it will change until your little one is here. Why? Because you have no idea what your particular baby will be like, what your recovery will be like, or how you will handle motherhood. Maybe he will be laid back and you can go to the local brewery with your baby like this woman I saw the other day. I would have never been able to do that with Riley's personality as a newborn. Maybe you won't have a hard time -- I really hope you don't. My heart breaks for any new mom going through what I went through, because it sucked. It drained me of any joy I should have felt. I think you have some similar issues with anxiety that I do, which is why I was being frank with you. I think if you are aware of what *can* happen, you can prepare a little to recognize when something isn't right early on so you don't wind up like me.
ReplyDeleteAnd I already re-read the previous comment and wanted to add this: Unfortunately when you are struggling with PPD/PPA, you don't have the capability to rational like that necessarily. I think the previous poster is why some women actually feel stigmatized and experience worse PPD/PPA. Why? Because we see ourselves floundering and struggling and think, "Well, it's easy for everyone else." But it's not. There is so much self-doubt and a huge learning curve in general, I truly believe more women actually feel worse than they care to admit. Not that everyone goes through it, but more people do than anyone will ever realize.
I will not offer any further commentary on this, nor will I feel like it is necessary to give you any more information through Facebook. I'm sorry if I upset you by being honest with you. That wasn't my intention at all. Best wishes, Steph! I hope you do not experience any of what I did, and I hope you are able to handle your new baby with the same grace and understanding and judgment as the previous poster.
Hahaha, thank you, Meghan! Speaking of which, I need to meet awesome you and your awesome kid! :)
ReplyDeleteThere is a difference between being honest and trying to scare the ever-loving crap out of a new expectant mom. Women have this weird innate desire to tell the worst stories they can possibly muster to women who are already scared. WE DON'T WANT THAT. By all means be honest, but you should know that hormones are crazy in pregnancy and we can twist things in ways no one could ever imagine. For example, construction is being done in my office and they were to the painting stage yesterday. An older employee came to me and told me a story of a former coworker of hers who lost her baby because her office was being painted. Why in the world would ANYONE feel the need to tell a pregnant woman that, on top of all the other fears we have? I was terrified all freaking day, then my baby was not active at all last night. This is not allowing the pregnant woman to enjoy her pregnancy.
ReplyDeleteLook, Stephanie and I are sharing the pregnancy journey together. We shared the TTC journey together. We got pregnant at the same time. She's due a day before me. Both of us fully understand (and I know this because we talk about it extensively) that there will be little sleep and the baby could scream for 6 months. We know that there will be recovery and poop and vomit and more terrified nights. We wouldn't have spent 8 months (or 14, in my case) trying to have a baby because we're somehow naive about how hard it's going to be. We know it's going to be hard and that's scary. Please don't make it scarier.
Please, if you're going to give advice, show us that there's a light at the end of the tunnel. Remind us that babies are a joy and not just a screaming pooping eating not-sleeping mess. Don't tell us stories about your 47 hour mega-labor that resulted in a 4th degree tear. Tell us how alive you felt after labor and the instant joy that was felt when you saw your baby for the first time. Tell us how you can't stop staring in to those baby blues, even though you can barely keep yours open. Tell us how you fell in love with your husband all over again because he takes such good care of you and the baby. This is not sugar coating everything, it's showing us that it's not all fear and exhaustion. There are good points to being a mom and it's the best job in the world. We need to be reminded of that. And like Stephanie said, it's not like we can take it back at this point. There's no cancel button. Whatever happens from here on out, there will be labor.
As for sleep? It's the end of the 2nd trimester and it's already hard to come by. I for one wake up 2-3 times at a minimum. I've been an insomniac my whole life. Don't tell me to enjoy sleep because I never have. It will make getting up with a baby that much easier because I'm already used to it. Not everyone is like me and I know I'm the one that's different, but there is no way for me to enjoy sleep now so telling me to enjoy it is futile. I've slept 8 hours straight without waking up about 5 times in my entire life.
I'm sorry that this is so hard for you. But please to don't make it out to be hard for everyone. If motherhood was as hard as it's being portrayed, no one would have children anymore. The species would have died out a long time ago. We understand it's hard. We understand it's dirty. We also understand that we have no idea what to expect. What we don't understand is why other mothers feel the need to make us expect the worst, thus creating a sense of terror that overshadows everything. These stories are intimidating and unnecessary. These babies are planned. We wouldn't have planned them if we weren't ready for the unknown.
Thanks for the recommendation for Dr. Buckley! I'll definitely look her up. :)
ReplyDeleteSee, that's the thing. I know it can be easy, I know it can be hard, I know it can be a cross between the two (and even more). Having a kid isn't a black and white thing where you're either always crying in depression or always shitting rainbows and sprinkles, lol. It's a give and take, and it definitely changes your life!
I just wish that people would understand that it's not like I haven't thought of these things before. I'm aware that it's hard, that it's frustrating, that it can change your life. I'm not going into this blind! Unprepared, maybe a little, but what can I do to prepare myself but think of what could happen and take things in stride?
That's what I'm thinking, too. You have this brand new person who is completely codependent and who can only communicate with cries... of COURSE it's going to be tough! It'd be silly of me, in the eight months of trying and nine months of being pregnant, to think nothing but positive things and not prepare myself for the hard times. It's just... why do people have to tell me the hard times ALL THE TIME? It's like they don't find joy in their children (or that they just enjoy watching me squirm).
Anyway. So yes, I'm going to, gods willing, have a natural birth and be able to breastfeed and cloth diaper little Kit. I will do everything in my power to prepare and train for these. And I'll do everything in my power to prepare myself for all the emotions and trials and tribulations... and JOY... that comes from having a child. :)
I'mma respond to both posts in one comment, just to make this easy, lol.
ReplyDeleteFirst, I wasn't referring to you specifically. I've received so many comments in the so many months that I've been (and that people noticed I've been) pregnant, including but not limited to the mention of movies. Which makes me laugh even now because, honestly, the last time Matt and I went to a movie? Or a nice dinner out (that wasn't fast food or takeout)? Or anything like that, really? I know those things are going to be limited, but they won't be gone, and it's not like we really did that much anyway.
Second, I understand that I can't be prepared for everything. It'd be ridiculously naive of me to think that I ever could be. But considering how often I've mulled over the idea of having a child in my head -- from before we even started trying to actually trying (and freaking out because WE'RE DOING THIS) to getting pregnant (and freaking out again because OMG WE DID IT) -- I imagine that I'm not going to be completely left in the dark. When I receive comments like that, I assume the person either thinks I haven't at least considered it or believes me to be so stupid or naive that I'd think there's no chance it could happen to me.
In fact, I've considered the worst of the worst, including but not limited to PPD/PPA. I've prepped Matt on what to look for, who to contact, what to do, all that stuff. He doesn't want to believe it can happen, but considering my history, I know full well that it's a distinct possibility, and we're prepared for if/when that time comes. It's terrifying to have to think about, but that's no reason at all to be unprepared for it, especially when the chance is so high. That, and I'm concerned my OCD will go out of control, so Matt is also prepped on the warning signs of that happening.
Oh, and the sleep thing... girl, I'm a stomach sleeper, so having to be on my sides (especially since it's hard to flip over and I'm congested so I HAVE to flip and it's now starting to hurt everything even with pillows between my legs and my belly propped) is literally making sleep ridiculous. I almost cried yesterday because I'm so frustrated, and compound a pulled back from coughing so much (thanks, URI) on top of that. I'm looking forward to stomach-sleeping again, even if that sleep is interrupted every two hours. It's not like it isn't interrupted or made worse by something already.
So... that's really all I have to say about that. I really just wanted to touch on the PPD thing, as that's the part that stuck out the most and is, honestly, one of the most-considered post-partum thing I've thought about. My thoughts are otherwise covered in my post. :)
See my below comment, Stephanie.
ReplyDeleteYou know the funny thing about movies -- I'm not much of a movie watcher, period. But when I had Riley, so many movies came out that I wanted to see! LOL. I wound up seeing one of them, but the rest have had to wait until they were available on iTunes. :)
You know anything I say is well-intentioned and not meant to scare you. I had my share of bad experiences. I am sure you remember a particularly long, rambly post back when I was pregnant about some judgment I came up against. Well, I never said what happened, but I will post it here.
The reason I wrote that post actually stemmed from an experience at work. I was 30+ weeks pregnant (can't remember how far along) when I encountered a neonatalogy PA in the hospital nursery when I was covering for a co-worker. He made an off-hand comment about when me being a patient there in the near future. One of the really nice unit clerks replied before I could say anything and informed him that I was going to deliver with Fruitful Vine. Well, that prompted him to tell me, "Oh, you're one of those people." A nursery nurse chimed in and they basically ganged up on me at that point. They made comments like "birth plans are the reason babies wind up in the NICU" and "I had a friend whose baby died at a birth center." The neo PA also said, "I'll see your baby in the NICU!" It was very mean and hurtful. The neo PA quickly back-tracked and said, "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that, it's none of my business" to which I replied, "No, it's not." Needless to say, I was fuming.
Well, a post-partum nurse overheard me telling my boss about what happened and quickly notified the manager of L&D. It was a horrible experience. One of the worst in fact. It was like they were hoping I'd wind up in the hospital and Riley in the NICU.
Anyway, I told that story to say I get it. I wasn't pregnant that long ago. I am glad you have made me more mindful of what I say. I hope you know I whole-heartedly support you. I just don't want you to find yourself in a similar position as myself given we have similar issues with anxiety. I hope you can use my story to better prepare and know that I am here to help you with whatever I can from a distance.
Apologies if you interpereted my comment to be aimed at women with PPD/PPD. It was not. PPD & PPA are mental illnesses that have nothing to do with knowledge or experience (or lack of either). In my experience, the mothers who have or have had PPD tend to be the most supportive (making sure you know how to spot the signs of PPD, ensuring you have all the right numbers to call if you start feeling overwhelmed, etc) & are the *least* likely to imply that their experience is, or will be, universal.
ReplyDeleteMy comment was specifically discussing the mentally healthy parents (not just mothers, new dads are often even worse) with "normal", healthy babies, who seem to think that they were the first person ever to discover that babies poop/cry/sleep crazy hours/need to be supervised 24/7 so you can't leave them home alone while you go out & all the other basic things that spending 5 minutes in the presence of a baby will tell you. These are also the same people who insist that everyone else WILL have the same (generally negative) experience as them & that everyone else's child WILL be exactly the same as theirs & that there are never any variances ever.
"I’ve been an insomniac my whole life. Don’t tell me to enjoy sleep because I never have. It will make getting up with a baby that much easier because I’m already used to it. "
ReplyDeleteSorry to butt in, but if it helps: I was an insomniac before I had my baby. I also had anemia which went undiagnosed for several years (so I was physically exhausted, but couldn't sleep. So much fun!). I had SO many people comment with things like "Oh, you think you're tired now (surviving on 2 hours sleep & dangerously low iron)? Just wait till you have kids! I only got 5 hours sleep last night! Blah blah blah...." & I always had to bite my tongue (I would've KILLED for 5 hours sleep!), despite how enraging those comments were. Well, anemia was diagnosed & fixed about a year before I got pregnant (so then I was just sleepy all the time, but could still function) & after my son was born, the breastfeeding hormones cured my insomnia completely! Add to that co-sleeping & learning how to nurse lying down & I'm sleeping better than I have in almost a decade!
My son is now 2 & I can count on the fingers of one hand the number of nights I've actually felt deprived of sleep! The day after waking up once every 45 minutes (the worst night's sleep my son has ever had) I STILL felt a million times better than I did every single day when I was an anemic insomniac!
That said, I'm not promising miracles (obviously), I'm just saying that they do sometimes happen :)
:) That's the spirit! I know you can do this! (Really, if I can, you can!)
ReplyDeleteHi, it's cheeseydreams from LJ again. Just wanted to pop in and say that I updated my journal with my birth story. I just wanted to add that having an epidural doesn't make you a failure. I wasn't planning on having an epidural, but I'd never given birth before so while I thought I would be able to handle the pain, it got to be too overwhelming (more details in my LJ post). So prepare yourself for the birth you'd like to have but be open to change, sometimes things don't always go as planned.
ReplyDeleteI haven't been around many newborns in my life, but I think I'm doing a pretty good job so far. life has changed, but it's nothing I can't handle.
Sorry, Julia. I wasn't trying to be snippy; I guess I didn't understand how being overwhelmed by motherhood equates to having zero experience with children. Plus I was already on the defensive from this post, which is my fault. I honestly didn't intend to scare Stephanie. I have told her many a time that she can rock childbirth, but I also think that a lot of my PPD/PPA stemmed from some unreasonably high expectations I placed on myself (among other things), and it's best to roll with the bunches. Never assume you won't do something you said you'd never do, and don't be disappointed if things don't turn out the exact way you planned them. I think my need to be in control of everything definitely contributed to my post-partum experience. Now I'm a happy mommy who is in the moment with my daughter. There have been tough times -- like a stint of night wakings that last 1-3 hours and I was back at work -- but the good far outweigh the bad. I would say my struggles now are "normal" struggles. I'm sorry that others on here have misunderstood my intentions. Saying it was "hard" for me just minimizes the depths of my depression that I felt during those early months. I tell people what happened to me so they hopefully won't reach the point I reached, which was basically as close to rock bottom as you can get. I'm sad for her in fact. She obviously cannot empathize with that experience, but I'm glad you were able to clarify what you meant.
ReplyDeleteEr, roll with the punches. Or bunches. Whatevs!
ReplyDeleteWow, typo city. Sleep deprived? Mama brain?
ReplyDeleteThat's ok, tone is pretty tricky online! No hard feelings :)
ReplyDeleteI think that the main difference is between being *overwhelmed* because things are much crazier than you expected (which can happen to anyone in any situation really - things can just pile up & suddenly something amazing turns into something horrible) versus being *clueless* because, for whatever reason, you (general "you") expected children to be like puppies (or tv characters or goodness knows what these people thought!) & chose not to do any research or practise.
Wow, that sounds awesome. I'm going to hope for that :) I have been able to sleep pretty well the last month or 2, but up until then I was in such excruciating pain (back) I could barely sleep at all. Thanks for that story!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry that my post put you on the defensive, that was not my intent. I was trying to make a point that mothers seem to come out of nowhere to tell new expectant mothers horror stories. I didn't go in to it earlier because it's none of anyone's business, but I've been terrified for 26 weeks. I've had 2 miscarriages and work with not one but two men whose wives have had pregnancy issues. One delivered at 17.5 weeks and lost the baby and one had to have an emergency c-section at 26 weeks in August. That baby made it but getting to these milestones has been torture. The first trimester was riddled with fear of miscarriage.
ReplyDeleteI take offense to the assumption that I have resentment towards people who are trying to "help" and that I need a thicker skin. I am trying to protect myself from any further anxiety and worry through the end of my pregnancy, whenever that is. I am fully aware that PPD happens, that horrendous labor happens, that colicky babies exist. I've read so many stories and have talked to so many people that I can't help but worry they may happen to me. I can stop reading stories but I can't stop people from cornering me and telling me how their coworker's baby died because someone was painting thier office, while my office is being painted. I can't stop people assuming I can't have a natural birth because they couldn't. And I can't get these stories out of my head.
I asked for positive stories because the only ones that come out of moms' mouths seem to be negative horror stories. Ask any pregnant woman. You dealt with them yourself. I'd like to surround myself with positivity and I'm fully within my right to do so. I never once alluded to the fact that you don't love your daughter. I never made an assumption about any conversations between yourself and Stephanie. I was referring to my own conversations with her.
I wholeheartedly wish you all the best. I'm incredibly glad that you helped your PPD because a lot of women don't have those resources. Enjoy your life as a mom just as I'm going to enjoy the rest of my pregnancy, no matter how much other moms try to scare me.
I dealt with a lot of negative stories (see one of my comments to Stephanie). Of course it bothers me. I had a woman tell me about her friend who delivered at 23 weeks and the baby died when I finally reached 22-23 weeks. I mean, why? Why tell that story? Or the doc who told me he had a patient whose placenta abrupted but the baby died even though she was in the delivery room within 15 minutes of diagnosing the abruption. He told me this story to disuade me from choosing the birth center over the hospital. Stuff like that drove me bonkers.
ReplyDeleteI was sort of addressing Stephanie's comment (re: loving my daughter) where it seems like people don't find joy in their child, but that's simply not the case.
I think all of this goes back to what Stephanie said -- people are sharing these stories, sort of like an initiation into parenthood. Kind of like unhelpful help. It isn't done with malicious intent. They truly think it's helpful.
When I said you will need thicker skin, I don't mean you shouldn't expect positivity or surround yourself with good stories. I simply think it's incredibly naive to expect to never hear anything scary or negative during your pregnancy or after delivery. You are also going to be up against criticism, unwanted advice, and scary stories. When I say grow thicker skin, I mean find some ways to divert your attention from it and learn to cope with it. It doesn't stop. Ever. I am not pro-night-weaning or CIO per se, but I have people tell me all the time to let my daughter cry or simply stop giving her the bottle cold-turkey at night. That is not helpful advice. I am not going to do it. I just have to brush those people off, even if they drive me nuts (and do they EVER). Riley is also in our room still... at 8 months. People looooooove to share their opinion on that as well.
And you can have an unmedicated birth. That ALWAYS drove me nuts. I got that ALL. THE. TIME. "Oh, just wait until labor starts." Like it was a threat. LOL. That only strengthened my resolve to do it without interventions.
ReplyDeleteI will wish you good labor vibes when it is time. Remember... contractions only last for so long and then you get a little break. If you are in so much pain and it feels like contractions just keep on comin' and you are begging for an epidural, you are probably in transition! You can handle it... and have exactly the birth you imagined! I do agree with the commenter below, though -- if you did need pain meds or any sort of intervention, you didn't fail! I had a blogger-friend who planned a similar birth experience to me (and our babies were born the same day!) who had a crazy labor and did wind up with an induction and epidural. I love her birth story... If you were interested, you can read it at climbingmama.blogspot.com. She is very positive about it. She also had a really good post-partum period, so that may also be nice for you to read as well. :)
You know, having never been through this, I don't have much to contribute, but I can just saw, no matter how horrible it is (or people say that it is), isn't that something we know going into it? I just spent a wonderful day with my husband escaping from life and responsibility and tasting great wine in the sunshine. I know days like today won't exist after.... but hey, we know life will change. We signed up for it. You both will be fine. You will miss things, but you will gain things. You will be ok. My guess is you will find you are stronger than you ever expected :)
ReplyDeleteHey, hon! I did see your birth story!! I don't remember if I replied (I was casually reading over the weekend), but if not, I'll have to head over and say hi and congrats. :) You're just amazing!!
ReplyDeleteI'm looking forward to seeing how your life with Bea shapes up. :D
Hey there! I read a bit of your blog (stalker, muahaha), and I hope you don't mind if I add you to my reading list so I can pop by once in a while to say hey?
ReplyDeleteAnyway, you're absolutely right! And it's not that they won't exist, those idyllic days, but they'll be decidedly different. It might be a picnic at a local park with sparkling grape juice and a diaper bag full of baby snacks, but it'll still be wonderful. I'm looking forward to making it all come together and celebrating what I've gained rather than mourning what I've "lost". :)
Thanks, hon!! And best of luck to you on this journey!! <3
People who say you won't enjoy a sex life or you won't be able to go to the movies or you won't ever get any sleep, they're playing the martyr. If you want a sex life, if you want alone time with your husband, and if you want to sleep, it will happen. Sure, you might have nights early on where you're not sleeping much. But if you and your husband work together, it'll come. If these people don't want to put the baby in the crib/get themselves a babysitter/alternate feedings and diaper duty, that's their problem. Enjoy being happy, because being a mom is the best job in the world.
ReplyDeleteThank you, Melissa. Thank you thank you. I think it's sometimes forgotten that a life can be had if you put yourself first and your child(ren) a very close second. I'd like to maintain some autonomy after Kit is born, and I get the feeling from a lot of people (no one here ;)) that if my baby doesn't come first, I'm a terrible parent.
ReplyDeleteBut it's the same reason why I'm going back to work. I could absolutely be a SAHM, but I know I wouldn't be *happy*. I'd miss work! I love where I work! And IMO, having a happy mom will be so much better in the long run.
Same with this. If I need a sitter (family, most likely, as we have some nearby), I'm totally not afraid to get one so Matt and I can have a night to ourselves. Happy parents... happy baby. :)
Agreed. Don't get me wrong, I love Austin more than anything, would do anything for him, but there still needs to be "adult time" and "mommy time." Adult-only vacations and nights out, time to do things like crafts or hobbies, etc. If what you're happiest doing is being with your child 24/7, great for you. It doesn't work for me. And besides, grandparents are (generally) super excited to spend time with their grand child (I know my mom asks for him far more often than I ask her to sit for him), and it's good for baby to learn to be with other people and not just mommy and daddy all the time. And I want to assure you, daycare is GREAT for kids. So don't feel any guilt for being a working mommy. He has learned so much being there. He can follow directions, behave, play with other children. The kid is 22 months old and has started SPELLING for fuck's sake! He certainly wouldn't advance that much at home with me, who is not trained in child development. :)
ReplyDeleteFurther, there is nothing more AWESOME than picking up your child at the end of daycare and having them run to you with open arms and a big smile saying "mommy!" If you were home with them all day? You'd miss that!
ReplyDelete