Feeling better.

Damn, y'all. This coffee is good.

This entire weekend was spent hanging out with my MIL (which actually wasn't as bad as I thought it'd be, but she also wasn't at the house all day Saturday, lol) and organizing our office. DH and I did some major work on that office while my MIL was out, putting together furniture and arranging everything just so. The basement is starting to look a little more complete. :)

We also managed to have some alone time both after we built the furniture and the next morning. So yay. ;)

It's been a good healing weekend. I enjoyed every bit of the things I may not have been able to enjoy had the pregnancy stuck: Had some wine AND beer, drank coffee like it was going out of style, didn't worry about what I ate or how I exercised, pushed my body to its limits. And didn't have to explode from anx

iety from hiding something from MIL.

I think I'm coming to terms with the chemical. Statistics and facts aside, I do realize this kind of thing is normal, and that it bodes well for a positive in the future... both in regards to my physiology and in terms of BFPs! I also would have never known had I not tested at 11DPO, and honestly, I shouldn't have tested because my temps did dip that morning (first time they ever have, at least steadily, before AF!). But I did, and I can't beat myself up about that. I can only acknowledge what I did, what subsequently happened, and prepare better for the future.

I've been looking up ideas for a little potted plant since Julia suggested some for their properties. Some ideas, as these flowers and herbs are known for fertility:

• Cuckoo-flower (also: lover)


• Daffodil (also: love, luck)


• Geranium (also: health, love, protection)


• Patchouli (also: money, lust)


• Poppy (also: love, sleep, money, luck, invisibility)


• Sunflower (also: wishes, health, wisdom)

I'm thinking about incorporating one or a few of these into a fertility spell, actually. It's been a LONG time since I've cast anything, saving spells for very specific purposes or when I need an extra boost. The last time I cast anything was for a new job -- this was a few months before my current job, actually! -- and before that? Years, literally. I don't even know how long. So I'm a bit rusty, but hey, when the idea's good... :)

Probably going to use cuckoo-flower, daffodil, and/or sunflower. Gotta figure out a few more things, too, before actually doing the ritual. I'm thinking of doing it at the full moon or just before -- 6 April. Hm.

So we'll see. Researching a bit on spells and rituals has given me a little bit of a confidence boost, which is nice, and I like the idea of commemorating this lost pregnancy while encouraging a new one to flourish.

Thanks for all your kind words, support, and love. <3