There was a little contemplation yesterday about freedom of choice in our religion, in our diets, and in who we are. While we may be free to actually accomplish these things for personal satisfaction, the fact of the matter is that some people just plain won't like it, whether or not it affects them in any way. I can't even begin the number of ways I have personally been talked down to for being Pagan, for being vegetarian, for just being me. It is, quite frankly, a pain in the ass.
It's because of this that, for several years, I've kept myself in the closet. I'd politely decline offers to potlucks, knowing that someone would ask why I wasn't eating meat. I'd turn down invitations to attend church or shul or temple or other religious gatherings, because I didn't want to be disrespectful since I wasn't part of their spiritual path. And I ended up missing a lot of opportunities by keeping my true self from the public.
Then I came out, first to say I was vegetarian (and no, I don't eat chicken or fish, and yes, I rather enjoy not eating meat), second to say I was Pagan (which was [and is!] a journey in and of itself, as I'm still questioning whether my spirituality leans more towards Wiccan). And I was actually met with positive reactions!
... for the most part.
A friend of mine and vegetarian of 11 years recently posted to The Coexist Cafe's Facebook page to say that a friend of hers (a former vegetarian, at that!) has been giving her issues with her chosen diet and lifestyle. That vegans are unhealthy because, due to a personal experience, they don't get adequate nutrition.
I also hear experiences where veg*ns are afraid to come out of the closet for fear of being associated with "those veg*ns". You know who they are: The uber-militant ones who stop at nothing to spread their message and make anyone who doesn't follow their path feel like utter shit. I'm sure you've come across at least one in your life, in some form or another. Imagine being associated with them!
These types of comments and fears plague pretty much all veg*ns at some point, new and "experienced" alike, and I'm of no exception. It seems that, no matter what diet you choose, what religious path you follow, what shoes or hairstyle or makeup you wear, someone has to say something about it. And when a particular group is attacked often enough -- veg*ns by omnivores, Pagans by Christians, and so forth -- they're bound to push back.
Then you get issues with veg*ns appearing too argumentative, too "bitchy", too defensive. Well, it's no wonder! If you're pushed and shoved often enough, you'll eventually start fighting back.
It's this that I don't understand, though: Why is it anyone else's concern? If you're going around proselytizing, saying that your way is the best, right, or (the worst, I think) only way, you're bound to be met with some animosity, especially when you're trying to convert someone who clearly doesn't want to be converted. I can also see how you're going to be a problem.
This world would be so much better off if, for events and personal beliefs that have no effect on others, we "live and let live". To put aside our differences and realize, under all the labels ("vegetarian", "Pagan", "hipster", "geek", whatever), there is a living, breathing person who desires the same respect for who s/he is as you would expect for yourself.
And this goes for veg*ns as well. While I understand the want to tell people about our diets and, more poignantly, why we choose veg*nism over eating meat and byproducts, there still has to be a level of respect. Meaning, just as you wouldn't want someone insisting that your way is wrong or unethical or anything else, you (really, we!) shouldn't be vilifying others, either. Tit for tat, you know?
One quote that I came across a while ago was, "Be the change you want to see in the world." Mahatma Gandhi not only practiced ahimsa (nonviolence) throughout his lifetime, but mutual tolerance among individuals as well, in every walk of life. Imagine living in a world where, as a result of wanting to see more tolerance and acceptance, everyone actually acted tolerant and accepting. It would be brilliant!
Since we can't change the world, we can at least start within and work our ways out. Being more tolerant of others in all walks of life would mean acting that way towards another person, who would hopefully passes it to yet another person. But like all other things, it has to start somewhere.
So start with yourself. ;)
Well said! I've a friend of another religious persuasion who has been taught throughout her life by her family and church that she's always to proselytize whenever given the opportunity and to constantly invite those of other religions to her church and church functions. I have always politely declined, but she makes herself fairly clear through her postings on social networking sites and through conversations that she is a very religious person, and is "aware" that the only right religion is HER religion. It's rough to put up with sometimes when it becomes personal, especially since I'm still living in the broom closet.
ReplyDeleteMy only worry for anyone is that the life they're living is healthy - and if it is, then they're doing great, and it isn't my place to comment or judge. The world's full of enough judgement already!
Thank you, hon! :) I had a roommate like that, too, and it was kind of rough, especially when it felt almost like harassment. And I was out of the broom closet! I think we just tend to be targets in some way, in that they know we're open-minded and will listen... I don't know.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, I agree! I do hope that it gives them joy and purpose in life, but there's a line between being too pushy in proselytizing and being respectful in sharing. We definitely need more of the latter.
Well said!
ReplyDeleteIt's because of things like this that it took me so long to become fully vegetarian. Since I was about 6 I'd had what my brother calls "vegetarian phases" (basically, my reluctance to eat meat started when I learned what it was), but due to basically being made to feel like I was in the wrong for not wanting to eat animals I would end up only lasting a few weeks (a couple of months at most) before giving in to those around me and eating the meat... Just to get people to leave me alone. Even family members were among those making me feel like a criminal for not eating in what they considered the correct way to eat.
As for my being Pagan; I still haven't told most people (though now I'm on Facebook and have put it in the religeon section some who I've not told will soon find out). This is part of the reason for my hubby and I only recently starting to do more for the sabbats... A fear of persecution if someone figured out what we were doing. I wear a pentagram around my neck, but I stopped wearing it while I was in and out of hospital over the past few years, and now that I'm not and am back to wearing it, keep it tucked inside my clothing whenever I go outside. It's not that I want to hide my beliefs; I'd love to share them with people. It's just that I'm a little afraid of what the reactions of others might be.
I believe everyone is entitled to their own opinions and beliefs, and agree that the world would be a better place if everyone else felt that way too. The only time I have issues with anyone's beliefs is when they insist on attempting to convince me that I should believe what they believe. People should just be prepared to accept that what others believe isn't necessarily going to be the same thing as they believe, and leave it there. By all means discuss your different beliefs, but agree to disagree in areas where your beliefs differ. People not being prepared to do that cost me what I'd thought was to be a wonderful friendship; I wouldn't change my beliefs to suit her, so she refuses to have anything to do with me. *Sigh*
Thank you for such a thoughtful comment, Tori!
ReplyDeleteWhat's funny, and kind of the point of this post (and I know you got it and I'm preaching to the choir here! :)), is that there really is no "right" way to do anything at all. Sure, there are better things for one's self on a personal level, but is one person's "right" way the same as another person's "right" way? Absolutely not!
I'm sorry you encountered this mindset yourself -- it's difficult, especially in the face of family members who I know want you to do well, to really be who you are when there is so much judgment and fear flying about. My goal is to one day live in a world where there is no fear to be whoever you want, assuming it doesn't harm others, of course... and to share that respect with everyone.
We'll see, though. It starts with the individual, and I know you to be a very insightful, accepting, and caring person, Tori. One additional ray of sunshine in a world that so desperately needs your light and warmth. :)
Thank you! :)
ReplyDeleteAll we can do is our best, and hope we will be lucky enough to see at least some signs of that universal acceptance of one another's beliefs and opinions in this lifetime.
Amen to that! And we're starting the movement. ;)
ReplyDelete