Pagan Blog Prompts: Handfastings

Once in a while, when I'm short on things to write about, I'll check out Pagan Blog Prompts and write a bit on their topic of the day. Thursday is over and done, but I still came across this question and, since I had a handfasting myself and some friends here have expressed interest (hi, Tori! :)), I thought I'd answer and give some perspective on our handfasting!

Prompt: Handfasting

Would you do it as a way to symbolize your commitment in a relationship? As part of, or separate from, a traditional wedding?

Have you done it? If you are comfortable sharing, please tell us about it.

I think this part of the question is best asked together!

Matt and I did have a handfasting at our wedding. More accurately, we had an interfaith Jewish-Pagan wedding, which featured many different aspects from our religious and spiritual backgrounds. A  handfasting was only part of the ceremony!

It was a very important part to me, though. I see handfastings as a way to symbolize the relationship between myself and Matt -- two separate people bound together by promises, thanks, and love (quite literally!).

Below is the portion of our ceremony during which we were handfasted, performed by our wonderful cantor:

Since ancient times, people have communed with nature to learn more about themselves and about each other. Since it is within nature that we all abide, we ask for Matthew and Stephanie the blessings of nature. We do this so they may come to fully understand the lessons each element has to offer, the attributes of which are examples of those aspects they mirror within themselves.

Blessed be this union with the gifts of Earth, which provides sustenance, fertility and security. The earth will feed and enrich you, and help you to build a stable home to which you may always return.

(tie a knot in the cord)

Blessed be this union with the gifts of Air, for openness and breath, communication of the heart, and purity of the mind and body.

(tie a knot in the cord)

Blessed be this union with the gifts of Fire, for energy, passion, creativity and the warmth of a loving home. From the fire within you generate light, which you will share in even the darkest of times.

(tie a knot in the cord)

Blessed be this union with the gifts of Water, for our capacity to feel emotion. In marriage you offer trust to one another, and vow to keep your hearts open in sorrow as well as joy.

(tie a knot in the cord)

It was absolutely beautiful, and people who attended our wedding said it was one of the most moving portions of the ceremony. I was surprised to hear so much positivity coming out of a ritual that is historically Pagan, but everyone was very receptive of it!

Let me tell y'all firsthand (ha, handfasting, firsthand, get it?): In every aspect of your life, so long as you're doing good, you're doing right... by yourself and everyone. Don't be afraid to show others who you truly are, for they will love you despite -- or even because of -- it.



Do you believe a hand-fasting can be undone, in a sort of pagan divorce?

I for one never hope to find out! ;) But seriously, I think it can be -- just as wedding vows can be made, they can also be changed, revoked, or broken. Being married, handfasted, or otherwise joined together with love means actively working towards that love; you're making the conscious decision every day to give your heart, mind, and soul to that other person.

So when the conscious decision is affected and thing don't work out, sure, the bindings can come loose, unravel, and completely separate. They're not permanent, but a couple can choose whether to tighten them each day... or let go.