Father's Day reflections

I never really had the greatest relationship with my dad. It was filled with awkwardness, timidity, and what I felt was a hint of disapproval. After all, I'm likely not at all what he expected I'd grow up to be -- I'm of a different faith, I married someone he initially hated, I'm not a professional musician. There are many times I thought that I disappointed him.

It's partly my fault, too, because I'm not a terribly emotional person. While I love my dad, our past has led me to keep him at arm's length at the very least, and I feel that had a significant impact on our relationship. Sometimes I wish that I could be, as many of my friends put their own fathers, "Daddy's little girl." Dad stopped being "Daddy" ages ago; there are home videos where I'm really young and already referring to him as "Dad."

But at Matt's and my wedding, I saw a side of him I had only seen once or twice in my past, like when he dropped me off at Florida State for college. He was emotional, supportive, and smiling in a way I hadn't seen in ages. He gave the most touching toast, and I realized then that yes, he does love me, and he will always be supportive. It may not be outwardly so, but I know that, in his heart, he feels more than he lets on. It's sometimes hard for me to acknowledge and feel because of our past, but we both couldn't help but cry that day.

And now I sit here, tears welling up in my eyes because I'm so fortunate to have seen that side, to know that it exists despite our rocky relationship throughout my childhood. Better late than never. :)

Happy Father's Day, everyone. Especially to my own father.