Medicine Cards: Armadillo

I was writing out a list of personal boundaries (because honestly, I've never done it before, and now being in my 30s and writing them down, I see how important they really are) when the armadillo came across my Facebook feed. I found it interesting, so I did a little investigation on the animal totem and discovered this story. I swear, the Universe sometimes works in strange ways...


Armadillo wears its armor on its back, its medicine a part of its body. Its boundaries of safety are part of its total being. Armadillo can roll into a ball and never be penetrated by enemies.



What a gift it is to set your boundaries so that harmful words or intentions just roll off. Your lesson is in setting up what you are willing to experience. If you do not wish to experience feeling invaded, just call on Armadillo medicine.



If Armadillo has waddled into your cards, it is time to define your space. [...] It may be time to ask yourself the following questions: (1) Am I honoring the time I need for my personal enjoyment? (2) Do others treat me as a doormat? (3) Why do I always get upset when I am taken for granted? (4) Is there a reason for my being a "yes" person?



[...] If you have no boundaries, you are like a sponge. It will seem as if all the feelings in a room full of poeple must be yours. Ask yourself if you are really feeling depressed, or if this feeling actually belongs to the person you are talking to. Then allow Armadillo's armor to slide in between, giving you back your sense of self.



[...]



The underside of Armadillo is soft, but its armor will protect this softness if the boundaries are in place. Hiding from your true feelings and fearing failure or rejection will amplify your need for cast-iron protection. You have the power to rid yourself of these doubts and to touch the deepest part of beingness. You will know you are doing the right thing.


Overview: Respect your Sacred Space. Drop hesitations and banish abuse. Use proper boundaries and thrive.

via

Samhain, death and rebirth, and our relationship

In early August 2009, Matt asked for my hand in marriage.

In late August this year, I asked him for a divorce.

Halloween 2010 marked our wedding, a joyous occasion celebrated with loving family and friends.

This year, Halloween is marked by a prominent realty sign and opening our doors to potential new homeowners.

And the world, it keeps on turning...

via

The cycle of birth, growth, death, and renewal plays over and over again through natural systems and human lives. Embracing these cycles is difficult; it begs the acceptance of things coming to their ends, naturally or otherwise, and forces us to consider what may come as we are reborn. Regardless of our desire for things to remain the same, they are in constant flux and will continue to change.

Tomorrow is Samhain, and as the growing period ends and death lingers in the air, I can’t help but consider these cycles and the inevitable, sometimes painful evolutions that come with each revolution. In our lives, we experience death in so many ways: Loved ones passing, losing jobs or homes, a person changing in ways you never expected.

This year, we experience the death of our marriage.

The allegorical roller coaster we rode through the majority of our relationship finally stopped when I asked for a divorce. Realistically, I endured it for far too long, and I determined I was done riding. I mean, I don’t like roller coasters, anyway; why was I forcing myself, and why make someone ride along with me?

While incredibly sad in so many ways (and some days, I still mourn the eroded foundation that led to this inevitability), in the time following my request, Matt and I have discovered what we first had and what we ended up losing along the way: Our friendship. We have returned to our bantering, our genuine care and love for each other, and our common goals. And now, we have a piece of each of our hearts that walks outside our bodies, a beautiful little boy who forever binds us.

The world around us is dying, leaves are falling, the ground is cold and unyielding, and our wedding vows follow the same path. But in this death, we’ve rediscovered each other.

I don’t regret getting or being married; saying I do would deny the importance of everything I’ve either gained along the way, not the least of which is our son, or my decision to take full responsibility for my own happiness. Nor did Matt or I fail at anything, just decided to get off the roller coaster once and for all and explore the rest of the park instead. We started our relationship as best friends, and as we end our marriage, we return full circle to that very sentiment.

When I reflect on our 10 years together and five since our wedding, the really shitty parts are of course seared into memory, but I have to remember what amazing good came of it, too. To put that aside to focus only on the shit blatantly rejects that which tied us together in the first place, and the tie to which we return.

So, our dear friends and family: Mourn the loss, provide your support, maybe even offer us a hug. We would surely appreciate that! But as the year continues and the earth springs back to life, know that we’re seeing our relationship the same way.

In the end, and as we embark on our new journeys at the turn of this wheel of the year... I’m so, so happy to have my best friend back.

Let your true voice sing

This past week has been particularly eye-opening and challenging. Along with all the other changes going on in my world now, just in time for darkness to reign supreme and for thoughts to turn even deeper inward, my world was rocked by some well-timed messages speaking directly to my soul. Call it a cosmic two-by-four, if you will.

Literally everything has been about the throat chakra (vishuddha) and jalandara bandha (“throat lock”): A yoga class, some well-placed readings, situations where I need to remove the blockage and let my words flow, a reminder to “speak ye little and listen much,” and a gift of lapis lazuli.

A photo posted by Stephanie Fox (@letitproducejoy) on Sep 24, 2015 at 6:56am PDT

Like, seriously, okay… I got the hint. ;)

The vishuddha is the body’s voice, a pressure valve which expresses energy from the other chakras. If blocked or out of balance, it can easily affect the health of all other chakras; in balance, it allows for the easy expression of what we think and feel. Personal truths are brought into the world, and the energy between body and spirit flows freely and easily.

This concept lends strongly to being impeccable with your word, a lesson learned from don Miguel Ruiz in The Four Agreements. The most difficult agreement we can make with ourselves -- and the one we must make in order to make the others -- is to allow ourselves to acknowledge and honor the power of the word, both internally and externally. Being impeccable leads to personal responsibility; every word you say holds the power to create the world around you, including within yourself. As a force for expression and communication, one must begin with powerful, positive words towards one’s self; only when we do that can we project those powerful, positive words to those around us.

I’ve been told multiple times my vishuddha is blocked or underactive. I guess I need to start believing it. ;) Most people pick up relatively quickly that I’m not one to speak my mind except when vitally important, reserving myself instead to burying those thoughts. And yes, part of it is strictly my nature; I’m an internal thinker, rarely sharing what goes on in my head. What they don’t know is the reason why.

When I was younger, I was very shy, quiet, and highly empathetic. The moniker “mighty mouse,” given to me by an elementary school teacher and carried with me through most of my life (much like “giggles,” ha), applies more than just to being strong when small, but to my quiet nature, too.

I learned very early on that speaking up meant potentially starting conflict, something I absolutely loathed, and experiencing situations where my voice was drowned or tuned out. Instead of rocking the proverbial boat, I’d either swallow my feelings or apologize and back down when I did say something in disagreement with another. Emotions, thoughts, ideas, and so forth were all pushed down in favor of nodding in mock agreement and going with the flow. This was reinforced as I grew older and through certain life situations, and eventually, I started to really believe my thoughts weren’t worth hearing.

With time -- and especially recently -- these “negative” emotions blocked up any opportunity to express the “positive” emotions, leaving me unable to speak any words at all. Sure, I appear very jovial on the surface, and by and large, I really am. But I’m admittedly terrible at communicating pretty much anything, reserving my word instead for the benefit of others rather than to express my opinions and thoughts freely.

As a result, there have been several times when refusing or finding it impossible to speak my truth created a personal reality that, quite honestly, holds little water compared to what actually exists. Inevitably, it’s led to a lack of confidence, assurance, and self-love.

So, as the bruise from being whacked so hard with that two-by-four subsides, I’m determined to create my own reality from the ground up, to acknowledge that which actually exists and state it in a way that makes me believe it. It also means shifting from “I’m not worth hearing, so best to keep quiet” to “I may not speak much, and that’s okay, but when I do, I am worth hearing.” A distinct shift towards conscious confidence, even if it’s faked at first: Much like smiling, it eventually becomes second nature.

It takes a confident person to express themselves honestly, openly, and lovingly. I’m not in control of how others deal with my personal expression (and I need to let go that anyone’s opinions or feelings are more important than my own), but I am entirely responsible for creating my own reality through the power of my words, and that means being responsible for and impeccable with my own sense of confidence.

And really, I owe it to myself.

I’m ready to speak up, to open my vishuddha, to create the confidence I should have to create the reality I will come to learn I deserve. The truth about truth is, if you don’t express it, you continue to enable that which doesn’t feel good or right.

Time to open my goddamn mouth once in awhile. :)

Positive Affirmation: I speak freely and with confidence. It is now safe for me to express my feelings and to create the life I desire. Everything I do is an expression of Love.

Once in a blue moon.

Last night, as the sun sighed itself to sleep, fireflies took its place to light up the night, and frogs warbled their haunting yet titillating mating song, I shot the moon.

What can I say? It was calling to me, crooning a love song that rivaled the beauty of the frogs' sex-swept serenade as I walked back from the mailbox. Such a simple action, gazing at the moon, but for some reason, I was enraptured. Seduced. And I needed to capture it.

@letitproducejoy

The moon wasn't quite full yet; when I zoom in, I can see the craggy surface piercing the night sky where darkness still clings to the edges by its fingertips. It's a bit creepy, really, seeing all but that tiny sliver of a shadow, a sure indication that something is not quite complete and there's still a faint hint of the unknown.

Perhaps it's appropriate, then, that I shot the moon a couple nights before Lughnasadh, marking the first harvest of the year. Those in tune with nature have likely sensed the waning daylight and the wind of change in the air, despite the summer heat and... if you live anywhere near where I do, the stagnant humidity that envelops you the moment you walk out the door.

But change, it really is a-comin'! And with Sagittarius right on its heels, that change is likely to push some boundaries and force us to fly higher than we have before. Though the season really is slowing down, there's a sense of urgency in the atmosphere, an optimism and a fire that pushes for action.

I like to think of this particular Lughnasadh, considering it coincides with a blue moon (a phenomenon that occurs every 2.5 years or so), as a time to chase after dreams and make them bigger than I ever thought possible, even if the end result is hidden from view. By taking my first step into a new career, and as I settle in and create a niche for myself in my new role and really engage with my new work family, it feels like the fire has been ignited, burning more brightly than it ever has before.

Tomorrow marks the opening of a window of opportunity and the time for taking leaps of faith just as we reap the benefits of what was sown in spring. To that end, The Fool comes into play with vigor this sabbat, bringing his gifts of risk-taking, purity, and potential.

I'm not a particularly controlling or Type A person; many people would tell me I'm actually quite terrible when I try feigning anything of the sort. The Fool still makes me a bit uncomfortable, though, with his laissez-faire attitude, blissful ignorance, and sense of wonder even in the face of danger (I mean, the guy is right on a precipice; no way would I consider doing that). What a fool, indeed; doesn't he realize there are rules, one of which is "don't stand at the edge of a cliff, lest you hurl yourself over it?"

(Yes. I made that up. It's one of my rules, though.)

I mean, seriously, look at this flighty bastard.

But I admit, I'm jealous of him, too. Without a care in the world, a single shit to give... he lives for the day, whatever it brings. I find that, while I certainly hold the same attitude to a degree, I prefer to hang back, sometimes simply enjoying the scene unfolding instead of actively participating in it.

This blue moon Lughnasadh is the perfect opportunity to step outside that comfort zone, be thankful for what you've achieved, and almost step directly in the fire to experience its warmth and, yes, maybe even some heat, potentially to the point of getting burned. "You only live once," after all, so make it a damn good one. Grasp your carnelian, anoint yourself with sandalwood, enjoy the gathering  of and feasting on apples and grains and berries*, and embolden yourself by taking a fucking chance on something. Anything!

The Earth is winding down, thankfully taking its sweet time to usher out summer for a much colder period. As this happens, I plan on taking a life lesson from The Fool and light that flame within me, in the hopes it preserves me and to keeps my belly full of delicious, salacious fiery passion.

I hope, this beautiful turn of the year, you find your heat, too.

A photo posted by Stephanie Fox (@letitproducejoy) on Jul 26, 2015 at 2:15pm PDT

*Did I mention, I made this beautiful pie this past week? Twice, even! Keeping the fire in the belly and the heat in the kitchen, clearly. Recipe below. :)

Mixed Berry Pie with Homemade Pie Crust

Ingredients

Crust:
2.5 cups all-purpose flour
1/4 tsp salt
1 cup cold butter, cubed
6 to 8 Tbsp ice water

Filling:
1 cup sugar
1/4 cup cornstarch
dash salt
1/3 cup water
1/2 tsp ground cinnamon
1 cup fresh blueberries
1 cup fresh raspberries
1 cup halved fresh strawberries
3/4 cup blackberries
1 Tbsp lemon juice
2 Tbsp butter, melted

Method

In a large bowl, mix flour and salt. Cut in butter until crumbly. Gradually add ice water, tossing with a fork until dough holds together when pressed. Divide dough into two portions so one is slightly larger than the other. Shape each into a disk, wrap in plastic wrap, and refrigerate for an hour or overnight.

For filling, in a large saucepan, whisk sugar, cornstarch, salt, water, and cinnamon until smooth; add blueberries. Bring to a boil, and cook and stir two minutes or until thickened. Cool slightly.

Preheat oven to 400°. Gently fold raspberries, strawberries, and blackberries into blueberry mixture. Add lemon juice and mix until well combined.

On a lightly floured surface, roll out the larger portion of dough into a circle 1/8" thick. Transfer to a nine-inch pie plate. Add filling.

Roll remaining dough into a circle 1/8" thick, then cut into 1/2"-wide strips. (I used a pizza cutter!) Arrange over filling in a lattice pattern; trim strips and bottom pastry to 1/2" past the pie plate, then seal strips with bottom pastry and flute edge. Brush top of pie with melted butter. Bake for 10 minutes.

Reduce oven to 350° and continue to bake for 45-50 minutes or until crust is golden brown and filling is bubbly. Cool on a wire rack.