Sunshine, unicorns, and other happy-parent bullshit.

I absolutely love my son. I've enjoyed the past six weeks (can you believe it, he's six weeks already! ... also, it's been forever since I've updated!), from the way he passes out on my shoulder to the way he gazes at me while he eats, and his recent smiles that are seriously more than just gas. ;) There are things I'm anxiously awaiting, too, like when he plays with toys and when he rolls over for the first time. Each week has brought its own joy that definitely makes me thankful that we had him.

But let's be real here. Parenting, and motherhood especially, is hard work. Not a single parenting book (not like I read any before he was born... I didn't, lol) could have prepared me for what we were in for when we strapped Tycho into his car seat and drove him home. I don't think I've ever been so exhausted, so run-down, so anxious to get out of the house and return to work as I have been since Tycho has been born.

Don't get me wrong, it's incredibly rewarding, too. But I think people tend to focus more on the sunny side of parenting, especially in infancy, than anything else. While it's always encouraging to hear that your child is beautiful or bright-eyed or smart or just so damn cute -- and let's face it, they're all right ;) -- I strongly believe that those compliments and praises should come with a huge disclaimer. Especially since I always stiffen when someone tells me that I'm going to miss these little things when Tycho gets older. While I'm sure that's true, there's a much bigger part of me that is so ready for this part to be over.

I mean, this stuff SUCKS.

Tycho recently hit his first "wonder week", where his mental and physical development crank into super high gear and he grows in both areas. This one is his first leap, where he becomes more aware of his surroundings and more alert overall. I've definitely noticed a difference these past few days: While he's still sleeping a lot during the day, he's much more bushy-tailed when he is awake, notably in the morning after getting a few good hours of sleep. He's given us a few social smiles, he enjoys playing with us, and he watches our faces. I also like to think that he recognizes each of us.

With this leap, though, has come some very significant challenges. He's mostly fine during the day, if a bit clingy, one of the signs of taking a leap. But come 6pm, and he has a complete meltdown. I mean, awful! Between the witching hour and the side effects of these mental leaps, Tycho is absolutely inconsolable between 6 and 9 or so in the evening. It means a lot of rocking, bouncing, shh-ing, feeding, humming, and crying... sometimes in both his case and mine. (Then Matt takes over and I spend a few minutes trying to collect myself while Tycho screams in his ear.) This has been going on for almost a week now, and let me tell you, it's enough to make me want to book a hotel, drop the baby off with a neighbor, and ignore the fact that I have a child for an entire evening.

I had a brief conversation with one of my in-laws today about the newborn and infant phase, and thankfully, she not only agreed, she sympathized and shared her own joy in seeing her now teenaged sons be so independent. There is a lot about this time when babyhood is not fun, when you want nothing more but for it to be over and I'll be damned if I end up actually missing this phase in his (and my) life. It made me feel grateful that someone else was honest about this, as the ever-optimistic view I got from most people always waxed poetic about when their children were that tiny and aren't they just amaaaaazing when they're that small.

It's not at all sunshine, unicorns, and other happy-parent bullshit, though, and while you may get a few comments from time to time that alludes to that, you never really know until you're in the throes of a newborn meltdown and his cries have gone from "please soothe me" to all-out screaming "motherFUCKER, get off your ASS and SAVE ME."

So if I've been absent lately, physically or mentally, it's because I'm learning just how hard this is and just how much I miss my sleep, my shower, and my job (because seriously, I have such jealousy for Matt's ability to leave the house and interact with adults for at least five hours a day). This, too, shall pass.

And I will be ever so thankful when it does.

Also, to show that it's not all whiny BS in here:

[caption id="attachment_1808" align="aligncenter" width="400"] My mom, me, and Tycho visiting Lincoln![/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1809" align="aligncenter" width="400"] White House family. ;)[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1810" align="aligncenter" width="400"] You'd smile if you were here, too. LOL[/caption]