FYI (if you're a teenager)

I'm often incredibly glad we have a son. Matt and I sometimes walk through the toy aisles, waxing poetic about all the fun stuff Tycho will get to play with when he gets older (and yes, this includes "girly" things like play kitchenettes and dolls). We both shudder a bit, though, when we walk through the girl's aisle, which resembles a modern-day, sparkly Lisa Frank vomit-fest. The fact that girls' toys trend towards all that is pink and glittery is a rant for another day, but for purposes of this post, Matt and I are just glad that we get to bypass that aisle altogether.

We also don't have to deal with a lot of crap that little (and not-so-little) girls have to put up with, like how their dress or their behavior may be seen as "inappropriate", "unladylike", or my personal favorite, "slutty". While I do agree that today's trends could use a bit of tone-the-fuck-down, it's not so much a gender issue as it is a societal one.

Which is why it ruffled my feathers a bit when I read this post from Given Breath:

[...] We hope to raise men with a strong moral compass, and men of integrity don’t linger over pictures of scantily clad high-school girls.

Every day I pray for the women my boys will love.  I hope they will be drawn to real beauties, the kind of women who will leave them better people in the end. I also pray that my sons will be worthy of this kind of woman, that they will be patient – and act honorably – while they wait for her.

Girls, it’s not too late! If you think you’ve made an on-line mistake (we all do – don’t fret – I’ve made some doozies), RUN to your accounts and take down  anything that makes it easy for your male friends to imagine you naked in your bedroom.

Now, this irritates me on a few different levels, not the least of which is slut-shaming and blaming teenage girls and women on the whole. After all, are we solely responsible for a man's wanton sexual desires? Should we cover every last inch of our bodies or, on a less extreme note, moderate each item of clothing we own to be sure it's "appropriate" for a male population that obviously can't keep it in its pants otherwise?

Don't get me wrong, I'm all for a level of modesty. However, it's because I appreciate a culture that is a bit more refined, not as a determining factor in whether a girl is "asking for it" (whether "it" is an unwanted sexual advance or even a "harmless" ogle). Rather than teaching the boys that they need to control themselves and treat women with respect no matter the circumstance, it puts the onus solely on women.

So, as an FYI to teenagers of either sex:

• Know your worth. Know that you're an incredible, independent, intelligent, capable individual who can choose what is best for yourself and who will try to do well to others, including in your attire and your manner.


• Treat others with the same respect as you would want for yourself. Young men, treat women like ladies; young women, treat men like gentlemen. Everyone, treat human beings as such!

And to my own son: I hope to raise you to become a young man who respects women, who sees them as his equals rather than his inferiors or as objects, who treats them with the dignity they deserve. I trust wholeheartedly that you will even exceed my expectations! For I know you'll be a young man who takes responsibility for his own actions and his own thoughts, regardless of the reason, and not only because you want to make your mother proud... but because you would want to treat every woman as you would your own mother.

... and I know you plan on treating me well. ;)

 

(Also, LOL @ her posting with her boys scantily-clad, if you will. She did post what I assume is an "apologetic" post with everyone covered up, but still. Major eyeroll at the hypocrisy.)

 

(Also also, read this post by From One Degree To Another (I love love LOVE this one). "I’m not telling you to not look at women.  Just the opposite.  I’m telling you to see women.  Really see them.  Not just with your eyes, but with your heart.  Don’t look to see something that tickles your senses, but see a human being.")