My words dropped like bombs around Awesome Attorney Boss, creating such commotion that the room was left eerily silent for the following few moments. Then, apparently having snapped out of it, he responded: "... oh...!"
I knew that wasn't the news he was expecting. Hell, as I said it, I swear someone else was moving my lips, that a disembodied voice not my own just delivered my two weeks' notice.
The time passed all too suddenly, and before I knew it, today has come... my last day working at Pandora.
I write that out with bittersweet emotion and searing hot tears welling up in my eyes. That same force that gave my notice ten days ago now moves my fingers for this post, further deepening the rift between my brain (which knows and understands what I did and what I said) and my heart (which harbors such astounding regret that it rivals my excitement for the future).
I told my husband tonight that I never thought I'd feel this way about taking a step towards my dream. Doubt flooded my mind the moment I sent my new employer my signed acceptance letter: What if I hate it? What if, after all the time spent in the legal field -- and getting pretty damn good at it -- I end up feeling nothing but remorse?
It's pretty scary to, dare I say, come to love what you do, who you work for, and where you are, only to leave it in pursuit of something you've been wanting your entire life, not knowing whether you've made the right choice. I've wanted to be an editor since I first put pen to paper, and everything I did through college was with that goal in the forefront.
Then, you know... life goes on. Your dreams become wishful thinking, there are bills to pay, and soon you find yourself re-enrolling in school not because you want to, but because you have to.
Shortly after receiving my bachelor's degree in Creative Writing, I was pushed by necessity to go back and get something "reasonable". I graduated shortly afterward with my Legal Studies associate's, and I've worked in the legal field ever since. While it's certainly had its moments, I've learned to really enjoy the practice of law (and, perhaps more importantly, being behind the scenes through it all).
I didn't discover love for it, though, until I started at Pandora. Talk about an opportunity! The corporate world for legal assistants is literally the crème de la crème, the type of job lusted over by anyone in my position. And to top it all off, of all the attorneys for whom I've ever worked, this one... well, he quickly earned and kept my pet nickname throughout social media as "Awesome Attorney Boss".
I was in heaven.
Of course, the job wasn't all sunshine and roses, but I'd come to find happiness and fun in practically every task thrown my way, even if a life raft would have proven helpful where my experience was lacking (and believe me, there was a lot of laughter -- by me, at myself -- when I threatened to drown). I learned an incredible amount, becoming at least adept at some things and an expert at others, and I found sincere joy in helping my boss and my coworkers with anything they needed.
So the decision to leave, after 3.5 years of time spent creating lasting bonds both professional and personal, was... simply put, not at all easy. I quite literally shook in my boots and floundered for over an hour before finally mustering up the courage to resign.
And when today came, when I would start my morning a Pandora employee and walk out with my badge deactivated, after having been the guest of honor at an incredibly moving and joyous farewell celebration with some of my closest friends at Pandora (seriously, I have -- yes, have, and I will never lose that! -- the best work family ever)... you bet your ass I cried. Maybe more than twice.
... probably again in the car.
... and possibly even now, all over again.
Tuesday starts a brand new career, and while I know it will fulfill me in ways I never knew were possible, I know that the experiences I had with my Pandora family were incredibly special and unique, and that they will follow me for the rest of my life. For that, I could never come up with the words appropriate to express just how grateful, honored, and truly blessed I was (and am!) to have had the opportunity.
So thank you, Awesome Attorney Boss, from the bottom of my heart. Thank you, my PALS and partners in crime. And finally, thank you to everyone else who truly made Pandora... unforgettable.
