31 August 2013

Relactation Journey: Day 31 - Ch-ch-ch-changes!

There have been a couple hurdles along this relactation journey, like my issues with latching. While that's something I'm desperately trying to get over, we came across another barrier that is going to take a lot of tweaking to get right.

As you all know, Tycho is on a soy formula due to his severe milk protein intolerance. Since I already knew this was an issue, I've cut out dairy from my diet for the past two weeks, in the hope that doing so will make for an easy transition to breastmilk.

But I was oh so very wrong.

Despite cutting it out (including hidden sources), the bits of breastmilk that he's been getting instead tore up his stomach. He suddenly started getting gas, rashes, spit-up (he never really did before), booty and skin rashes, multiple bowel movements, and the biggest one, mucus in his stools. Poor babe has been miserable. :(

When this all reached its peak on Thursday, we cut out the breastmilk entirely and switched him back to his soy formula full-time. Since then, we've seen a bit of improvement in all areas, though the booty rash and poo-related issues remain mostly the same. I imagine it'll take a couple weeks for that to really right itself.

(We do realize that it may be an illness and not a result of my milk at all, but we're taking all precautions here, especially since it coincided (maybe cruelly so!) with the addition of breastmilk to his bottles.)

[caption id="attachment_2056" align="aligncenter" width="500"]IMG_5162 Naked booty time![/caption]

I emailed my LC in a fit of desperation -- I told her about the sexual trauma and the issues Tycho has had with my milk, and because of the former in particular, she is 100% supportive of whatever I want to do and that a happy, healthy mama is most important (have I mentioned I absolutely adore my LC?). I let her know that I do still want to continue at least getting my production up with at least the goal of bottle-feeding, and she suggested an elimination diet.

Rather than go full-boar and eliminate everything out of my diet, she wants me to remove common allergens and, if not pump 'n' dump, then save any breastmilk that I get for a freezer stash for the next two weeks. So I'll be cutting out:

  • dairy (given)

  • gluten/wheat

  • eggs

  • nuts (simple, as I'm allergic to tree nuts, but including peanuts)


Soy should be okay as he can obviously take a soy formula without issue. In time, I should be able to test what he can and cannot tolerate (for a week at a time to be sure it's not a fluke), and will add things back as I can.

In the meantime, this elimination diet effectively make me a gluten-free vegan for an indeterminate amount of time, I've been scouring the internet for blogs on that topic, and I came across a surprising number of good ones! I've added them to my "Foodie Friends" blogroll on the right side if you want to check any of them out.

So... anyone have any tried and true gluten-free vegan recipes? I'm doing this for Tycho, but I'd like for the experience to be delicious, too! ;)

30 August 2013

Relactation Journey: Day 30 - Made it a month!

breastmilk

I have thoroughly impressed myself, I must say. I went from making not even a single drop of milk to getting over 3oz in a single day! Granted, it's not enough to provide Tycho with even a full feeding, but it's something! I'm really proud of all my body has done to bring back its milk, and I'm proud of myself for sticking with it long enough to see results.

We also crossed a really difficult bridge: Latching. We visited an IBCLC on Monday, and she was invaluable to getting Tycho hooked to the boob. While Tycho has had no interest in the bare breast, she put a nipple shield on, and he latched with no problem! Since he had eaten about an hour prior, he was on simply for comfort, but he was still there! And he was getting milk out, too -- as he pulled away, there were several drops left behind. I even heard swallowing!

I have some mixed feelings about the latch, though. I tried a few more times after Monday, and while we've been mostly successful (though to you relactating mamas out there: Note that this is VERY difficult, especially when baby is hungry, so best to wait until baby is mostly full to try this out at first), I've harbored some feelings that were the direct opposite of bonding.

Similar to when he was first born, when Tycho did latch on and, with all other difficulties aside, I had this uneasy feeling that continued to grow until I felt the inexplicable need to hook my finger in his mouth and break the seal. I've been mulling over my feelings ever since -- after all, breastfeeding is, while inherently difficult, supposed to provide you with a bonding experience that bottle-feeding can't match, right?

So why was I feeling so trapped, so claustrophobic, so... wrong?

abuse

When I was 18, I was sexually assaulted by a former coworker twice my age. I was pretty innocent and naive at the time, having mayyyyybe only reached second base prior to this encounter, so I was left feeling dirty and used for a very long time. While I'm now mostly over it, there are apparently a lot of lingering feelings regarding my bodily autonomy, including my breasts.

My story is not at all unique; in fact, in being open about my experiences, I've come across many women (some of whom have children and have made their own breastfeeding or bottle-feeding choices, perhaps as a result of the abuse or otherwise) who shared the same story. It absolutely breaks my heart that organizations such as La Leche League and others have to publish articles about breastfeeding and sexual abuse survivors. It's a topic that we shouldn't have to touch on because, in a perfect world, there'd be no sexual abuse!

But it's there, and as a result, we must battle it... and many women must battle their own demons.

Not all sexual abuse survivors are going to have the same experiences as I'm currently having; they might find that they can't breastfeed, are reluctant to breastfeed, or are proud to breastfeed, depending upon how they personally react to the act itself. But for me, breastfeeding is bringing up a lot of otherwise deeply buried emotions and feelings about my body, things that I thought I had long since overcome.

This hasn't been a reason for me to stop trying, though, and throughout this week, I did try. Each latch, though, brought the feelings on stronger every time -- I wasn't feeling physical pain (in fact, with the nipple shield, I dare say it was comfortable!), but I was feeling very deep emotional pain with each suck, each twiddle.

Considering this may be a huge reason why I will not be able to continue feeding Tycho from the breast, I think the most valuable thing for me to remember is in that Pandora's Project article:
You may find yourself saying or thinking things like "I'm not a good mother as I don't want to breast feed". This is NOT true. Breastfeeding is ONE aspect of motherhood – and it certainly does not determine who is a good mother and who is a bad mother. Baby's need food to thrive….and they generally are not too bothered where this food comes from!! Feeding your infant is a necessity and should also be a pleasurable experience – and children will still thrive on formula milk!

(Underlined emphasis mine.)

I realize there are many ways in which we can counter this issue: I could breastfeed in a darker environment (the abuse happened during daylight hours); I could put some additional space between myself and Tycho, either physically or by using a blanket or towel between us; I could -- and have needed to, even with a bottle -- hold his hand so it doesn't move as much or twiddle when feeding; I could use distraction with a book or TV; I could pump and feed him (which is a very viable option, but more on that in a couple days...). And in fact, I'd encourage any mother who has suffered sexual abuse to experiment, if breastfeeding is what she really wants.

There are also several success stories of sexual abuse survivors who not only found that breastfeeding went well, but that they enjoyed it. And to those women, I say, ROCK ON! I'm so happy that it worked out and that they overcame what I see as an incredible hurdle, both from a feeding standpoint and as a potential bodily autonomy issue.

For me, though, and for other women who feel the same, the most comfortable thing is to feed with a bottle. And there's no problem with that! It doesn't make me less of a mother, and in fact, if I find myself bonding more with him as the nipple of a bottle rather than my breast is in his mouth, and if he's getting adequate nutrition and (most importantly!) lots of love from me, then it makes me more of a mother. Especially to my baby boy.

I may try breastfeeding with #2, notably if it's a girl (I may have different feelings with the different sex, who knows). I do, however, have the wisdom now to know that it's not how, or with what, you feed your baby... so long as he's being fed with love and care. :)

Now to tell my lactation consultant... oy vey.

28 August 2013

Handy Tips for Expectant Parents

These made me LOL a little harder than I really care to admit. ;) [Source]

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20 August 2013

4 Months! And Relactation Journey: Day 20 - How's it going?

4 months 1

My baby turned 4 months on the 13th! To celebrate, we had our 4-month appointment, where we got his stats:
Height - 24" (10th percentile, 6" up from birth)
Weight - 12lbs 15.5oz (5th percentile, 6lbs up from birth)
Head Circumference - 42cm (58th percentile, up about 6cm from birth)

So basically, big head... tiny body. ;)

He can now roll from tummy to back and is working on the other way around. He can get onto his side for now! He babbles all the time, including consonants like "B" and "G" (i.e. "agooooo!" and "aaaaabah!"), and angrily does so when he's tired (I prefer that to crying, lol). He stands supported, taking a few steps in place -- we're going to have an early walker! -- and bending his knees to jump high! His hands are constantly in his mouth, and he recently found his thumb, which is SUPER fun. Drool EVERYWHERE. He's still in and continues to rock physical therapy, and he's so much happier and back to his normal self now that we're not continuing helmet therapy. And these smiles all the damn time. :D

4 months 3

4 months 4

4 months 2

Sigh. I love his little face. <3

In other news, I'm continuing the relactation process, and so far, it's going well! I'm actually able to get some milk when I pump now, and I have to admit that the hospital-grade pump rental was a VERY worthwhile investment. I ended up with an Ameda Elite, and not only is it so much quieter than the Purely Yours, but it's much more efficient, too. I'm not sure how, but I'm liking it!

To that end, some pictures of progress:

[caption id="attachment_1967" align="aligncenter" width="500"]pump got something! 1 Yesterday's afternoon pump. First time I got something![/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1968" align="aligncenter" width="500"]pump got something! 2 Today's morning pump.[/caption]

It doesn't look like much, I know. But it's something!! I have been so stoked by going from nothing to getting something now every time I hand express or pump. The former is and probably always will be more effective, but pumping is easy, haha.

This is my current regimen, if anyone is interested:

  • Pump/express 7x/day (plus extras if I'm feeling spunky), plus one at night.

  • Domperidone, 20mg 4x/day

  • More Milk Special Blend capsules, 1 pill 4x/day

  • Cuddling with Tycho without a shirt on


That's all I'm doing for now. I want to introduce the SNS soon, but I'm really nervous about that as he seems to have no interest in my breasts. If I dangle them over him, he might go for it, but he screams when I cradle him and coax him that way. Sigh. :(

But last night, I put my bare skin on his as he was falling asleep, and he cuddled up next to me, so... maybe? I don't know.

I think the SNS is going to help with motivation on his end, whenever I start implementing it. Since there's not much coming out even still, there's really nothing to get him to the breast. I'm scared that even having the SNS won't do anything -- after all, while we switched to wide-neck bottles, a bottle still isn't the same as a boob -- but there's no way to know until I try.

This WILL work out. I'm really anticipating an even partial breastfeeding relationship with my son, one that will hopefully last into toddlerhood. :)

17 August 2013

Tycho in his Jolly Jumper!

I feel like I haven't shown my son off enough. ;) So here's a video of him enjoying his Jolly Jumper! That reaction at 0:28... <3

Four months old as of the 13th... how did time fly by so fast...!!

16 August 2013

Relactation Journey: Day 16 (some helpful websites!)

IBCLC

First, a quick update:

I've been making decent progress in the milkmaking process. While it's been very slow -- and I have to remind myself that it's going to be this slow for a bit! -- I can see a bit more each day, which is encouraging. It helps to go from one day to the next when I can actually see the results. Unfortunately, it's only a couple drops each time, but it's better than nothing!

However, I've stopped pumping, at least for now. I literally wasn't getting anything with it; hand expression has been working much better so far. I have a hospital-grade pump for rental on its way, so I'll resume pumping when that comes in. In the meantime, I'm settling with hand expression.

I also have some More Milk Special Blend and Domperidone, have been slowly cutting out dairy for when my milk does come in (as Tycho is still, as far as we know, milk protein intolerant), am starting the SNS soon, have been eating lactation cookies like nobody's business (and I intend to start dark beers... MMM, who knew this process would be so tasty!), and have an IBCLC that I'll be visiting after we return from our trip to Pittsburgh next weekend. I'm especially stoked for the IBCLC, as Ann Faust is incredibly well known and respected in the area and was highly recommended by my doula!

Otherwise, I've been doing a ton of research and reading to get myself up to snuff with this entire process. To that end, I've been gathering a ton of links, which I'm adding to my Pinterest and will share here for anyone else who is taking this journey. :) I hope you find them helpful!

Relactation (websites)




Relactation (books)

Relactation Success Stories






Pagan Resources ('cause y'all know I had to include this :) )

15 August 2013

STOP... Helmet Time! - Why we decided not to continue

There has been a lot discussion recently regarding our decision not to helmet our son, at least not until another evaluation around 6 months, so I thought I would make a post dedicated to our decision. This post covers both our viewpoint and that of the cranial specialist who has worked with our son, as well as the limited studies on nonsynostotic plagiocephaly and related head asymmetries.

As y'all know, Tycho didn't take well to the helmet at ALL. His sleeping, eating, and bowel movement-ing all changed for the worst, and he had terrible skin reactions on top of everything else. We tried for three weeks with several different modifications -- alternate wear schedules, cotton barriers between his skin and the helmet, distraction, lots of cuddles, and so forth -- and nothing made it easier on him or on us, as the parents who had to put it on and take it off. So despite following our specialist's orders and trying everything we could, we decided this past Sunday that we were done.

Yesterday was his follow-up appointment, where we were supposed to evaluate his progress, possibly shape the helmet again, and give our side of how everything has been going. We were nervous going in as we were 100% done with helmet therapy, but our specialist was open to and accepting of our viewpoint, especially after we voiced our many concerns and our reasoning for stopping. What followed was an honest discussion about possible health risks as a result of not pursuing treatment, Tycho's current path with his head shape, and whether helmet treatment (considering every variable, not only his head shape) is necessary or appropriate.

First, health risks. While she admits that no studies have been done in the US relative to head shape and related health risks (and I've confirmed that, as I haven't been able to find many, if any, definitive studies on the subject), there are conjectures as to how plagiocephaly may affect other areas of growth and development, such as trouble wearing glasses or TMJ and other jaw misalignment issues. These have not currently been linked to brachycephaly without asymmetry.

There was apparently a study done in China, where Back to Sleep has been around much longer than it has in the US (approx. 1970s versus the US's 1990s), relative to their space program. Those with brachycephalic head shapes were always ruled out from becoming astronauts because of an issue with balance, likely linked either to ocular issues or to inner ear problems due to their head shapes. Of course, the specialist said, becoming an astronaut involves incredibly rigorous testing, and only a certain percentage of people even qualify for the program, so despite the fact that everyone with brachycephalic head shapes failed these tests, it's by no means an accurate account of how this issue affects everyday life. Like she said, it's not like they're walking around drunkenly because they can't balance themselves. They just can't become astronauts. ;)

(Unfortunately, I can't find a link to that study. Not sure if it's been published or where. But trust me, I'm searching for it!)

We all -- the specialist, Matt, and I -- agreed that studies need to be performed in the US, especially because plagio and other abnormal head shape issues are becoming more common (20-25% of babies have plagiocephaly, a statistic that does not include other head asymmetries). In the meantime, because there have been no documented links between head asymmetries and health issues, cranial remolding orthotics and other treatments have been labeled "cosmetic" and are sometimes not covered by insurance, either in whole or in part. For what it's worth, our insurance did cover about 75% of his treatment, which includes the orthotic and all follow-up appointments, but will not cover a second helmet if we decide to pursue this when he's six months.

Second, Tycho's current head shape development. We had a scan done yesterday and his cephalic index, which measures the width to length ratio and determines the severity of a brachycephalic or other head shape, has actually worsened, from the previous 97% when he had his first diagnostic scan five weeks ago to yesterday's 100%. This essentially means that his head is as long as it is wide when looking at it from the top.

Considering this, we did have a serious discussion about, health risks aside, whether it was worth it to continue treatment. The specialist was completely honest with us, saying that she would like if we could continue therapy (so would we!), but considering his myriad terrible reactions to it, it was probably best to let it go for now, even with the consideration that it was getting worse -- I'll get into that shortly. Matt and I both suggested having a reevaluation at six months, an idea she really liked, so we had his head scanned to use as a new baseline for a comparison in a couple months.

We also discussed development outside his head shape. When we discussed with her that his other areas of development were being delayed as a result -- he didn't want or wasn't motivated to try anything new or to do anything he was doing prior to the helmet to advance his development -- and we were already dealing with developmental delays, she agreed that it was more important to work on those areas than to continue forcing the helmet and risk further delays. It was tough to weigh the two, and no parent should ever have to choose between them! But to us, his development was far more important to us than his head shape, and if it meant discontinuing one therapy in favor of another, we were going to continue with his mental and physical development.

Third, whether helmet treatment is necessary or appropriate. This relates to the second point as, obviously, whether it's necessary depends on whether his head is getting better on its own with repositional therapies, and whether it's appropriate depends on his physical, mental, and developmental reactions to said therapies. I had done quite a bit of research on asymmetrical head shapes righting themselves as babies grew and started sitting, standing, and walking more during waking hours, and what I found was confirmed by our specialist.

Of course, you all know the story I posted yesterday about a mother on BabyCenter who decided not to helmet her baby, despite his obvious brachycephaly, and instead let it work itself out. While there is no guarantee that Tycho's head will correct itself in the same manner as that mother's son did, there has been a very promising study published in October 2004, which states, among other points:
The overall prevalence rates for the cohort were 16% at 6 weeks, 19.7% at 4 months, 9.2% at 8 months, 6.8% at 12 months, and 3.3% at 24 months. More than twice as many infants were classified as having plagiocephaly alone (OCLR ≥106%) than having brachycephaly alone (cephalic index ≥93%) at 6 weeks, but at both 4 and 8 months, more infants were classified as brachycephalic than plagiocephalic. This difference had disappeared by 12 months, with rates for both dropping considerably by that age. In the early months, a few infants were classified as having both plagiocephaly and brachycephaly (Table 3).

Overall, 29.5% of the cohort infants developed either plagiocephaly or brachycephaly or both at some stage during the study observation period (Table 3); however, by the age of 2 years, only 3.3% were still above the classification threshold for abnormality (Table 3). Most cases manifested at 6 weeks or 4 months; only 4 new cases had developed at 8 months, and thereafter no infant developed deformation.

table 3
CONCLUSIONS: [...] Although the maximum range of head shape deformity was seen at 6 weeks, the greatest point prevalence of plagiocephaly in our cohort was seen at 4 months. Almost 30% of the cohort exceeded the chosen cutoffs for classification of cases at some point in the first 8 months, but most cases improved with time, leaving a point prevalence of NSP of 3.3% at 2 years.

Note that NONE of these children were referred for helmet therapy.

I asked the specialist if the study was true -- if the worst time for head asymmetries was around four months, and if head shapes naturally got better afterward -- perhaps not to the perfect ratio between 78% and 85%, but at or better than 93%. And she confirmed that, yes, this was typically the case. The prognosis or results obviously won't be as good as if we continue helmet therapy, but some natural improvement is better than none, and the prognosis for that is still good.

This is dependent on our continued work on his torticollis, which is of greater concern since side preference can play a role in whether brachycephaly improves and whether plagiocephaly will become an issue, but that's not a problem at all -- we're going to continue our chiropractic work and physical therapy, plus our at-home exercises.

We also bought a Babymoon pillow, which we've been using for the past couple days, in the hopes that giving more empty space while he's on his back -- in the crib (yes, we understand the risks of pillows in the crib!), during playtime, and in his bouncer or other seat where pressure may be exerted on his head -- will give the back of his head the room to grow in that direction. The reviews for it are great, and honestly, we wish we had found it sooner! The specialist took a look at it, and while she said it won't be as effective as the helmet as it won't actively redirect growth, it seems to be a good way to passively do some good.

Babymoon pillow


Also encouraging was the fact that, while Tycho's head is definitely a candidate for helmet therapy if it had worked out, there have been other children and parents who went through the scans and other diagnostics, whose heads were also candidates for therapy (including those much worse than Tycho's!), and who ultimate decided not to pursue helmet therapy. While this is by no means a case of, "If they jumped off a bridge, would you do the same?", it's at least reassuring to know that there are other parents who are making the same decision, and as the specialist said, they weren't nearly as well-educated on the side effects, risks, and prognoses as Matt and I are.

All in all, while our experience with the helmet itself has been a negative one, our experience with the specialist was not, and we are eternally thankful for her trying to accommodate our and Tycho's needs and for being up front and honest with us when we ultimately decided to stop helmet therapy. After all, as a mother herself, she understood what a difficult decision this was to make for our child, and she realizes we're making an educated decision. "Before I had my daughter, I was like, "Oh, yeah, you shouldn't have a problem at all, it's just a helmet!" Now that I have a kid, I get it -- it's really hard."

I hope this answers y'all's questions on our reasoning behind stopping helmet therapy. :) I'll continue to update on his progress as Tycho gets older. If you have any other questions or things to add, let me know in the comments! And of course, if you're facing these same issues, know that I 100% support anything you decide to do!

13 August 2013

STOP... Helmet Time! (No, seriously, stop.)

IMAG2659

After much deliberation, tons of stress, and lots of fighting, Matt and I have decided to stop helmet therapy.

When Tycho developed the rash from treatment, we really struggled with letting it go altogether. He was absolutely miserable -- his skin not only reacted poorly, but his demeanor did, too. He was not the happy baby we knew, trading in his smiles for screams, his dancing legs for fists that beat at his head. Even his bodily functions changed, as he was no longer eating, sleeping, or pooping as he was before the helmet. We considered it all a stress reaction, and it was really starting to take a toll on him (and on us).

But we decided to give it a few more days. And, well... we had a harrowing weekend. Two days of a miserable baby and parents at their wits' ends. I had actually thrown the helmet, rather forcefully, onto the couch after I had to adjust it for the fourth time while putting it on him and Tycho's screams only increased in intensity. And heaven forbid when it was finally on!

In short, we missed our baby. We missed his smile, his playfulness, his ability to sleep more than a few hours before being woken up terrified and clawing at the plastic beast surrounding his head.

So we decided to stop. I'm sure STAR Cranial will be thrilled with that decision when we see them tomorrow. :P Currently, our plan is to wait until he's 6 months, then reevaluate; we likely won't resume treatment even at that point, but we thought it'd be better to not leave out the possibility. Personally, I'd rather not even consider it, but all that time and money...

Anyway.

Our decision feels even more right after looking for pictures of kids with brachycephaly whose heads righted themselves once the babies became more mobile. While it's only one example, we've read several other accounts about brachycephaly at least diminishing to a point where it wasn't noticeable anymore, especially in kids whose brachy was moderate or better.

[caption id="attachment_1941" align="aligncenter" width="500"]Untitled (click the story on BabyCenter)[/caption]

And let's face it, we'd much rather enjoy our absolutely perfect baby boy, who is four months old today(!!), while we could, not lament or be stressed over whether his head will be perfectly round or not.

Tycho certainly deserves the same. :)

photo 2(1)

08 August 2013

Relactation Journey: Why?

Matt asked me the other day why I wanted to resume breastfeeding, why I was going through all these efforts to do so...

why
Because I put my heart and soul into making him; I want to put my heart and soul into feeding him.

Because I miss that bond, those fifteen to twenty minutes of uninterrupted us time.

Because I miss having a free hand to stroke his cheek (or play on Facebook).

Because Tycho did well on it before switching.

Because whew, have you smelled formula poop?! And we cloth diaper, so...
Because Tycho deserves my best effort.

Because washing bottles is getting annoying -- all those little parts!

Because it would give me personal satisfaction

Because I can sustain Tycho on something I can make.

Because watching that milk collect in the pump is actually kinda cool!

Because all those nursing tops and bras ain't gonna wear themselves.
Because, even though Tycho is already almost four months old, we could still have many months of breastfeeding ahead of us.

Because I'm getting tired of packing formula in our diaper bag.

Because I'm labeled a crunchy hippie and might as well fulfill all criteria!

Because I hate wasting formula.

Because, vainly, I still have a few more stubborn pounds to lose. ;)
Because I've always wanted to, and I feel robbed.

And finally...

Because really? Why not. Why not try. It's not like formula is poison or that I have an aversion to it -- it's nourished my healthy, happy son to this point, and it can continue to do so if needed.

But these... these are my reasons for wanting to at least try, to make up for how quickly and how willingly I gave up.

So, fenugreek and breast pump in hand, LCs at the ready, and my friends

07 August 2013

STOP... Helmet Time! - Struggling

Ugh. I'm sitting here nursing a headache from sleep deprivation and a stomachache and nausea due to a stomach bug (NOT pregnancy -- believe me, I checked), and reconsidering whether the helmet is going to be worth it.

Tycho had an incredibly rough night after a tough day. It took about an hour and a half to put him to bed, and while he did sleep, he woke up in the middle of the night completely inconsolable. At around 2am, we ended up taking the helmet off as it was clearly bothering him -- he kept taking his fist and hitting the side and front of his head, poor baby! -- and we noticed an incredible rash where the helmet sits on his cheekbones.

photo 1(1)

This is after three days of wearing the helmet 23 hours a day. Part of that rash was already there; when we bathed him last night, I noticed the beginning of the rash, including two spots with open wounds. After deliberating with Matt, we decided to put him in the helmet overnight, then take it off for the day and discuss it with the cranial specialist at our appointment (which is today, thankfully).

Then he woke up at 2am. And we took it off. And noticed a HUGE rash on both sides of his head. How devastating!! The photo above was taken around 6:30am... 4.5 hours after we took the helmet off.

I'm incredibly bothered by this. I mean, we are seeing progress -- we can already see that Tycho's head isn't as flat as before, and it's only been three days of full-time wear. I imagine it might just take an adjustment in the helmet for it to right itself, but I also wonder if all this is necessary or if we're putting him through unnecessary pain and stress for something that is, in all reality, mostly cosmetic.

(Not to say that it is NOT a medical condition, as it is. Especially other related conditions such as plagiocephaly and torticollis.)

On a 3am sleep-deprived-fueled whim, Matt and I purchased this from Amazon:

[caption id="attachment_1929" align="aligncenter" width="500"]Babymoon Pillow Babymoon Pillow (Amazon)[/caption]

It's purported to help with head flattening while lying down and when in devices that may put pressure on his head, like in the carseat. (It's not intended for crib use, but many people have done so, and we probably will, too.) Many of the reviews point to positive changes using the pillow.

While we're not sure if we're going to discontinue helmet therapy and use the pillow instead or if we'll wait a week and see how it goes with the adjustments, we're definitely feeling the stress of Tycho's obvious discomfort and questioning if we're doing the right thing.

Which I guess is a parent's job, right?

I'm even more conflicted because we sent Tycho to daycare today without his helmet, and our provider said that he's in a great mood and has been up for a while. That hasn't happened since we started helmet therapy. So...

We'll see what happens after today's appointment. Wish us luck... :|

photo 3(1)

05 August 2013

Relactation Journey: Day 5

I'm assuming that my first day was 1 August, as that's the day I mentally prepared for the physical aspect of getting my milk started back up. ;)

That said, welcome to Day 5! So far, I managed to pump all of Saturday before I realized that my flanges are too big and are causing some nipple trauma. Good times, right? So I'm holding off on that until the smaller flanges I ordered come in. They're estimated to come in next week, though Amazon tends to work faster than that.

flange

The good news is that I managed to get something! I seriously thought I was completely dried up, and while it didn't come out as much as it did after Tycho was born, I definitely managed to get a few drops of what looked to be colostrum. Kind of freaked me out and got me all excited at the same time.

Tycho also managed to latch and suck a few times, which was just as encouraging. He didn't get anything, though, so he ended up frustrated. A friend is sending me a Supplemental Nursing System (SNS), though, which should help!

SNS

Weird-looking, huh?

It's hung around the neck, and the thin tubes are placed on top of the nipple. As baby suckles, whatever is in the pouch (in his case, formula, at least for the time being) is fed to the baby, and the suckling on the nipple helps stimulate milk production. As suckling is better at stimulation than a breast pump, the SNS is supposed to be a better solution to getting supply up and going.

While I'm waiting for these to come in, I'm starting a regimen of More Milk Special Blend, possibly extra fenugreek, Domperidone (if I can get my hands on it), multivitamins, manual expression and massage, taking in adequate calories, and drinking more water. I'd lay off the caffeine, but Tycho's starting to sleep in his helmet, and... yeah, that's going well. :P

Hopefully, with all these combined (as well as the pump with better flanges, and possibly even a hospital-grade pump), I'll be able to start expressing enough to cover one of Tycho's feedings. My ultimate goal is to get him back to the breast at least for some of his feedings, but I'm being realistic, too. Every step made is, at least for me, incredible progress!

I've been blessed so far to have an incredible amount of support and advice from all over. From supplements to medical hardware, from troubleshooting breast issues to celebrating small victories with me, I've had no experiences but good so far. I am so grateful.

02 August 2013

Happy World Breastfeeding Week! - Relactation



As if we didn't have enough going on right now, huh...

Happy World Breastfeeding Week! As an exclusively formula-feeding mama, you'd think this week would have very little, if anything to do with me. But oh, how wrong you are. ;)

What I've noticed this WBW is a call from many of my breastfeeding friends for us all to come together and celebrate feeding our children in the best ways we know how, whether that's at the breast or with a bottle and everything else in between. While this week is to celebrate a mom's role as her baby's source of nutrition and her right to nurse her child wherever and whenever she needs or wants, I'm hearing another message:

ALL mothers need and deserve to be supported in whatever ways they choose to feed their child!
We are standing together, and we’re asking you to stand up with us. You, at the La Leche League meeting. You, in the lactation consultant’s office, perfecting your newborn’s latch. You, in the Nordstrom’s dressing room, nursing quietly on the couch. You, at your older son’s baseball game, nursing openly in the bleachers. You, who have cried rivers of tears over your feeding choices, and you, who chose without fear.

I support you.

You, in your hospital gown, asking the nurses for formula. You, shaking a bottle with one arm while your baby snuggles close in the other. You, who have researched the healthiest, most tummy-friendly formulas. You, who pump and mix and combo-feed. You, who have cried rivers of tears over your feeding choices, and you, who chose without fear.

I support you.

You, with your partner, as you feed the baby that you are hoping to adopt. You, who had a mastectomy and are locking eyes with new life. You, who chose your mental health, or your physical health, or your freedom, or your lack of freedom, so that you could feed your baby in a way that protected both of you. You, the Daddy who is finger-feeding your infant. You, the Mommy who lovingly pours formula into a G-Tube. You, at the NICU, pumping your breasts by the light of the machines that are keeping your baby alive. You, with the foster child who you are loving back to health. We see you. You are a part of this conversation too.

We support you.

Simon @ Mama by the Bay

I'll admit that I cried, sometimes internally, for the breastfeeding bond lost between myself and my son. I anguished over the formula can, I struggled to feel okay with mixing the bottles. I've fought back tears as my milk continued to flow, willing it to dry up faster.
“The I Support You movement is a respectful, empathetic, compassionate exchange between parents. We all feed our children differently, but we are all feeding with love, and in ways that work for our individual circumstances and family dynamics. I Support You is the first step in helping formula-feeding, breast-feeding, and combo-feeding parents to come together and lift each other up with kindness and understanding. We have chosen to announce this movement during World Breastfeeding Week, to honor the commitment of those who fight for better support for breastfeeding moms; we are inspired by this, but believe that by changing the focus to supporting all parents, we can truly provoke positive change without putting the needs of some mothers above the needs of others. The “I Support You” movement aims:

1) To bridge the gap between formula-feeding and breastfeeding parents by fostering friendships and interactions.

2) To dispel common myths and misperceptions about formula feeding and breastfeeding, by asking parents to share their stories, and really listening to the truth of their experiences.

3) To provide information and support to parents as they make decisions about how to feed their children.

4) To connect parents with local resources, mentors, and friends who are feeding their children in similar ways.

Suzanne Barston and Kim Simon @ Fearless Formula Feeder and @ I Am Not the Babysitter

Even now, while I'm proud that my son is healthy and happy and thriving on his organic soy formula (because if I can choose to feed him with formula, I can at least feed him the best I can!), I feel pangs of guilt and a want to at least provide a little of mama's milk to Tycho.

The past week, as I fed Tycho his last bottle of the evening before carefully laying him in his crib, I struggled to keep the bottle straight in his mouth as his head jerked towards my breast. His hand rested on the bottle, then moved to my shirt, clinging to it as if to reach underneath. As he turned his head closer and closer to me, I felt this incredible urge to breastfeed, to satisfy what I believe was his desire to latch to something other than Dr. Brown, despite the fact that I no longer produce milk.
The best way to counteract hate is by drowning it in a sea of change. The tide is rising, and we can float above the negativity and fear; push down the us-versus-them bullshit and let it sink to the bottom, where it belongs; lure it to its death with a siren song of I support you, sung far and wide.

Suzanne Barston @ Fearless Formula Feeder

It might sound strange, but this WBW, I'm posing a challenge to myself. I had considered doing this for a while, but I've felt nothing but fear before, where now I feel more confident and more supported than ever before. I feel ready to take on what is admittedly a daunting task, especially considering I haven't made any milk for at least 12 weeks.

I'm challenging myself to attempt relactation.

While my ultimate goal is to get Tycho back to the breast exclusively, I'd love to even feed him one precious bottle of what breastmilk I can express before bedtime, to give him anything and everything I can.

This isn't about my distaste for formula. In fact, if I "fail" in this endeavor, I'll know I had tried my hardest and would feel confident that he's still getting my absolute best through formula.

Of course this is ultimately for Tycho, but let's be honest, it's for me, too. I feel like I didn't give breastfeeding a really good try, and for good reason: Between baby blues that were quickly turning into PPD, undersupply, undiagnosed thrush, cracked and bleeding nipples, poor latch, and other issues, it's no wonder I quit! I am in a much better mental place now, and I'm hoping the physical can catch up quickly.

If I manage to do this, even if I "only" reach supplementation, then great! If not, I will have no hesitation keeping Tycho on formula (at least until our second baby, if we ever have a second), and any lingering guilt I have... well, I hope it'll be resolved.

And of course, while I'll try to support myself as much as I can, I know I'll have my friends and family to support me as well. :)

If any of you have a story to share -- be it your breast- or formula-feeding journey, your own experiences with relactation, and any words of advice -- I'd love if you could leave a comment.

A very happy World Breastfeeding Week, no matter how you feed!!

01 August 2013

STOP... Helmet Time! (Part 2: Tycho gets helmeted!)

Tycho's helmet experience... in pictures. :)

[caption id="attachment_1905" align="aligncenter" width="550"]image3 Wait... you wanna do *what*?![/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1906" align="aligncenter" width="550"]image4 Daddy snuggles between fittings. :)[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1907" align="aligncenter" width="550"]image5 My men. <3[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1908" align="aligncenter" width="550"]image6 Showing off the leggings... and his tush, lol. (THAT FACE HAHA)[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1909" align="aligncenter" width="550"]image7 Still a smiley, happy boy![/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1904" align="aligncenter" width="550"]image2 ... but not for long...[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1903" align="aligncenter" width="550"]image Helmet's on at daycare! (LOL, his derpy eyes.)[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1910" align="aligncenter" width="550"]photo 6 Still all smiles!! <3[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1911" align="aligncenter" width="550"]photo 7 Okay, naptime...[/caption]

[caption id="attachment_1912" align="aligncenter" width="550"]daycare The helmet makes it easy to spot him on the daycare's cameras. ;)[/caption]

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